Should I shouldn’t I?

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

I keep tittering between leaving and staying. Do I tell someone how bad I'm doing? That it's crossing my mind every day every chance I'm not busy? That's I'm struggling not to cut and drink every night. That I ended up relapsing with cutting a month ago after sucking 5 years free from it? That I don't have the strength to keep fighting and at the very least I fucking need a break. That this site is the only escape I have right now. Will they get mad or annoyed? Will they yell at me? Will they cry? Will I end up having to comfort them like in the past? How much longer can I realistically fight this on my own? I feel like it's not much longer. I'm getting closer and closer to the edge. I'm in therapy but never want to go impatient ever again (they sent me home on medication that made me suicidal just like they always warned in antidepressant commercials) so I'm scared to say that this is going more and more past ideation. I just don't know what to do anymore

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

If I'm completely honest, your post suggests you really do want help, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. See if you can get some help, try and ease your suffering, so you can get through the days easier. I understand

I can relate to people making it about themselves - we shouldn't have to comfort them when we are the ones that need comforting - ridiculous, isn't it? And the most loneliest feeling in the fucking world

I, and a lot of people on this site can relate to how you're feeling, you're really not alone in this, I promise you that

I hope things ease a bit for you

Try not to be so hard on yourself, I know it isn't easy.

Try to be kind to yourself, the little things are so important x

 

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

If I'm completely honest, your post suggests you really do want help, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. See if you can get some help, try and ease your suffering, so you can get through the days easier. I understand

I can relate to people making it about themselves - we shouldn't have to comfort them when we are the ones that need comforting - ridiculous, isn't it? And the most loneliest feeling in the fucking world

I, and a lot of people on this site can relate to how you're feeling, you're really not alone in this, I promise you that

I hope things ease a bit for you

Try not to be so hard on yourself, I know it isn't easy.

Try to be kind to yourself, the little things are so important x

Part of me does and part of me just wants to rest now. Been fighting all my life and it's getting harder and harder to find the strength and reason to keep going. At this point what can my friends even do ground idek sit there? I've tried to hang out with them and each time they are too busy. I don't want the reason they make time decades they are now scared they will lose me

 

[IWishIWasAFlower]

I agree with @MyTimeIsUp, you do sound like you want to talk to your friends but are afraid of the reactions. If you want to get better you should try to get better.

Do I tell someone how bad I'm doing?

Have you ever talked about your state to people close to you?

Love your nickname btw <3

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Part of me does and part of me just wants to rest now. Been fighting all my life and it's getting harder and harder to find the strength and reason to keep going. At this point what can my friends even do ground idek sit there? I've tried to hang out with them and each time they are too busy. I don't want the reason they make time decades they are now scared they will lose me

You are important in this life, you are valid.

Unfortunately, the majority of people have absolutely no idea how to handle mental health issues, because it is incredibly difficult, even professionals struggle due to the complexity of it.

Im no expert, but your friends perhaps don't know what to say, what do you say to someone that's struggling? Other than the usual 'I'm here for you' stuff, but really, how can someone be there for you, as much as you'd like, because it is a huge responsibility to take on.

You can learn to be there for yourself. Put yourself first for a change. Try to do something that makes you feel better, even if that's eating crap with your duvet on the sofa and watching TV, or perhaps you enjoy playing games? It could be absolutely anything. Just a little something to take your mind off things for a little while, even if it's merely a few minutes - trust me, it all helps