Should I give it more time? 19M

[wasteofspace22]

Hello, I am a 19 year old man. Just turned 19 actually. But I ruined my life and made a grave mistake. I started using drugs at age 13. By 17 I was already doing meth. I threw my life away for no reason. I developed bipolar disorder. I have OCD, depression, and adhd, suspected autism too. I see no hope or future for me and dream of not existing often. Should I give it a few more years or start planning my suicide now already? I tried to commit suicide at 14 but chickened out. I am scared of myself, since with these mental issues I never know if I'm acting logically, but it's hard to live thinking about what could've been different for me. Any advice or options would be apprecIiated. I've been lurking here for a few days now.

 

[Jrmull1993]

If your asking on a suicide forum whether you should kill yourself, I think that means you don't know the answer yourself.

You are the only one who could make that decision. I do believe however you must be 100% sure of what you're doing, If you have any hesitancies, my opinion would be that suicide is not the right answer at the moment.

 

[wasteofspace22]

If your asking on a suicide form whether you should kill yourself, I think that means you don't know the answer yourself.

You are the only one who could make that decision. I do believe however you must be 100% sure of what you're doing, If you have any hesitancies, my opinion would be that suicide is not the right answer at the moment.

Maybe you're right, for me more so I fantasize about a reality where I'm happy and delude myself into thinking there is a future for me, wanting more then anything for it to be true, but I breakdown and become impulsively suicidal and use drugs when I realize the likelihood of my situation, which leads to even more suicidal thoughts

If your asking on a suicide form whether you should kill yourself, I think that means you don't know the answer yourself.

You are the only one who could make that decision. I do believe however you must be 100% sure of what you're doing, If you have any hesitancies, my opinion would be that suicide is not the right answer at the moment.

That is to say I've only had like 2 times in my life where I was set on suicide and they were impulsive plans too never carefully planned out

 

[Jrmull1993]

That is to say I've only had like 2 times in my life where I was set on suicide and they were impulsive plans too never carefully planned out

I can relate to that. If I acted on my impulsively planned exit back when I was 20, I'd likely be a vegetable, laying in a hospital bed.

Try to sit down and create a plan to build the life you want. Sorry if this comes across as a "pro-lifer" point of view, but I believe it's better to die trying and to fail, than to never try at all.

I wish you the best of luck in whichever road you go down.

 

[y'ffre]

If you decide to give yourself a chance I recommend healing those mental disorders firstly.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

If I may use the "should" word, you should give it your all to try to address your drug use and mental health problems first. 19 is too young to generally make accurate predictions about the rest of your life. Things are in flux at your age. You can revisit suicide a few years later down the road.

 

[Siclop]

u really young man, u life just started so give couple more years to yourself and see how lifes going, but dont fix the idea of suicide already in your mind because gonna fuck the chance of coming back, from personal experience

 

[wasteofspace22]

I'm just

If I may use the "should" word, you should give it your all to try to address your drug use and mental health problems first. 19 is too young to generally make accurate predictions about the rest of your life. Things are in flux at your age. You can revisit suicide a few years later down the road.

scared of the shame and emberassment of being in this predicament but in my mid twenties too. Going to the psych wards and jails

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm just

scared of the shame and emberassment of being in this predicament but in my mid twenties too. Going to the psych wards and jails

You don't have to jump to that conclusion right now. Many people struggle with drug use and mental health. It may seem unmanageable but you have more control than you realize. Start with little steps.

 

[Jrmull1993]

I'm just scared of the shame and embarrassment of being in this predicament but in my mid twenties too. Going to the psych wards and jails

It's a good thing that your scared and embarrassed, that means you still care about yourself and have potential.

I have more respect for the person that is shameful and embarrassed when a mistake is made, than the person who is so numb to it, that it's no longer shameful.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

I'm just

scared of the shame and emberassment of being in this predicament but in my mid twenties too. Going to the psych wards and jails

From your posts, I feel like you need to be using the Recovery subforum more than this one . But in all seriousness, this is only a hypothetical fear at this point. It's good to have this fear though, you can use it as a motivator to avoid ending up that way. And despite effort if you do end up that way, oh well, ctb is always an option at that point. Remember, you are 100% in control of your life. It's not like if you don't ctb right now, you'll never be able to. I'd suggest you give yourself a chance.

Perhaps what could help is researching suicide methods for now, but not acting on them. That way you'd have the requisite knowledge and dos/donts for if/when you see no further way ahead. It may give you some comfort that there's an escape button available if at all you need it and motivate you to fight on. I wish you all the very best with whatever you choose.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

If your asking on a suicide forum whether you should kill yourself, I think that means you don't know the answer yourself.

You are the only one who could make that decision. I do believe however you must be 100% sure of what you're doing, If you have any hesitancies, my opinion would be that suicide is not the right answer at the moment.

Perfectly said.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only you know what is best for yourself as it's your life. None of us are in the same situation and we cannot experience life in the same way that you do. It sounds like you have been through a lot and I'm sorry that you have had to endure so much suffering. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[nembutal]

i am 19 too. message me if you'd like to talk about our situations. it would be nice to have someone to chat with

 

[Hope:-)]

You're only 19. If I was only 19 still, there's no way I'd kill myself. You have years ahead of you. These things are doable. I wish you the best x

 

[wasteofspace22]

i am 19 too. message me if you'd like to talk about our situations. it would be nice to have someone to chat with

Idk how to do that can you start one

 

[[HNO]]

i'm 19y, m. too and ive already gave up, i start to seek sources to overdose on something reliable like opiates though they seem impossible to obtain in my country , at least via deep web without any acquaintances who use, alternatively i would use something at hand after throughout research. and i think i have some sort of mental issues as well, depression, ocd and something on the autism spectrum matches subjective condition. though im used to visit shrinks and they were contradictory about any specific diagnosis and put me on meds since early childhood which in turn fried my brain literally and also they made my life far worse so i dont belive in 'therapy' or that meds even remotely work you can try them(if you still didnt) but you maybe know already that they would put you on more drugs than you already do. i didnt had substance addiction history but i did inhalants and SH a lot w/ constant antypsychotics/ssris usage on the background when i was doing so i was extremely emotional and highly impulsive. i quitted taking meds and ended up with sh/inhalants usage and started eating and sleeping well around year ago. it's helped me a lot but i still want to drop dead but with clear head and flatten emotions at present

 

[wasteofspace22]

i'm 19y, m. too and ive already gave up, i start to seek sources to overdose on something reliable like opiates though they seem impossible to obtain in my country , at least via deep web without any acquaintances who use, alternatively i would use something at hand after throughout research. and i think i have some sort of mental issues as well, depression, ocd and something on the autism spectrum matches subjective condition. though im used to visit shrinks and they were contradictory about any specific diagnosis and put me on meds since early childhood which in turn fried my brain literally and also they made my life far worse so i dont belive in 'therapy' or that meds even remotely work you can try them(if you still didnt) but you maybe know already that they would put you on more drugs than you already do. i didnt had substance addiction history but i did inhalants and SH a lot w/ constant antypsychotics/ssris usage on the background when i was doing so i was extremely emotional and highly impulsive. i quitted taking meds and ended up with sh/inhalants usage and started eating and sleeping well around year ago. it's helped me a lot but i still want to drop dead but with clear head and flatten emotions at present

What's your main reason for suicide?

 

[sewercide]

I have the dealing with similar issue, young in pain, ruined my life with various substances whice only made my mental health go down the drain. You are not alone.

 

[wasteofspace22]

I have the dealing with similar issue, young in pain, ruined my life with various substances whice only made my mental health go down the drain. You are not alone.

Life got thrown away

 

[swab]

I'm 19 too. I may not be in the same situation as you are, but we do have in common is the question of seeing if there is anything worth living yet in te future. We can talk about that if you want or some other things.
But either way I do hope your situation gets better in case you do continue.

 

[wasteofspace22]

I'm 19 too. I may not be in the same situation as you are, but we do have in common is the question of seeing if there is anything worth living yet in te future. We can talk about that if you want or some other things.
But either way I do hope your situation gets better in case you do continue.

Start a convo I don't know how to bro

 

[Quite Dying]

Hello, I am a 19 year old man. Just turned 19 actually. But I ruined my life and made a grave mistake. I started using drugs at age 13. By 17 I was already doing meth. I threw my life away for no reason. I developed bipolar disorder. I have OCD, depression, and adhd, suspected autism too. I see no hope or future for me and dream of not existing often. Should I give it a few more years or start planning my suicide now already? I tried to commit suicide at 14 but chickened out. I am scared of myself, since with these mental issues I never know if I'm acting logically, but it's hard to live thinking about what could've been different for me. Any advice or options would be apprecIiated. I've been lurking here for a few days now.

My opinion is it is too soon for you.

 

[wasteofspace22]

My opinion is it is too soon for you.

Why
?

 

[Quite Dying]

Too young in my opinion.

 

[swab]

Start a convo I don't know how to bro

Ah I don't think I can start one with you. You haven't send a certain amount of messages yet to receive or start pms

 

[Quite Dying]

Nothing wrong with being young. Looking back to when I was that age I never completely comprehended what I didn't know. The more knowledge you have the better you can make decisions.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I'm sure you're feeling overwhelmed and in a lot of pain but one advantage that you have at the age of 19 is that you can literally imagine anything that you might like to do and then go try it… You can always just start at the bottom of some organization even as an intern and find some people to mentor you… Do you have any interest whatsoever in life? And you can try different things in different places…

 

[FullCircle]

I want to suggest a residential treatment center for mental health. I don't know where you live or what health care looks like for you, but if it's an option it might be worth a shot.

 

[wasteofspace22]

Ah I don't think I can start one with you. You haven't send a certain amount of messages yet to receive or start pms

How much is that?