Help Should I destroy my diary before I ctb?

[somethingisntreal]

I've kept a record of my thoughts and feelings this year in a diary/journal. I was wondering if it's a good idea to let my parents read it after my death or not. Because while I want my parents to know why I did it, some of the contents seem less than appropriate...

I've detailed my urges to harm myself and others, how I feel disconnected from my sibling, my opinions on pro-lifers, misanthropic rants, my attempts, my ctb plans, how I got my SN and random self depreciative rants I wrote. Reading it now, a lot of what I wrote sounds very dramatic and cringe and it makes me look like I'm a dumb edgy teenager. But I feel like it also does an okay job of justifying my ctb.

I don't really want to burn it tho. What should I do? I know it's foolish to ask internet strangers for advice on something as personal as a goodbye note but I don't have anyone else to ask.

While we're at it, is there something that should not be written in a suicide note? My parents are pretty nice and I don't wanna hurt them by impulsively writing something stupid.

 

[Quietist]

I think even with the things you might feel uneasy about, they'd still appreciate having a journal of your thoughts to read.

But I could see how it could be bittersweet/tragic - reading your dead loved one's most private and disturbed thoughts, being able to understand how much they suffered, but know that it is now too late to do anything to help them.

 

[somethingisntreal]

I think even with the things you might feel uneasy about, they'd still appreciate having a journal of your thoughts to read.

But I could see how it could be bittersweet/tragic - reading your dead loved one's most private and disturbed thoughts, being able to understand how much they suffered, but know that it is now too late to do anything to help them.

Well said. But there is one thing I fear, that they might blame themselves for my ctb. When I was younger I tried to open up with them about some of these issues and they never took me seriously and told me it's a phase and I'll get over it soon. They might not be the perfect people but I still love them a lot.

 

[silverana]

I've kept a record of my thoughts and feelings this year in a diary/journal. I was wondering if it's a good idea to let my parents read it after my death or not. Because while I want my parents to know why I did it, some of the contents seem less than appropriate...

I've detailed my urges to harm myself and others, how I feel disconnected from my sibling, my opinions on pro-lifers, misanthropic rants, my attempts, my ctb plans, how I got my SN and random self depreciative rants I wrote. Reading it now, a lot of what I wrote sounds very dramatic and cringe and it makes me look like I'm a dumb edgy teenager. But I feel like it also does an okay job of justifying my ctb.

I don't really want to burn it tho. What should I do? I know it's foolish to ask internet strangers for advice on something as personal as a goodbye note but I don't have anyone else to ask.

While we're at it, is there something that should not be written in a suicide note? My parents are pretty nice and I don't wanna hurt them by impulsively writing something stupid.

I think they'd want to see it and it might give them some understanding of your struggle.