Should I come out before I ctb?

[Gunthertempname]

Ive been planning to ctb with sleeping pills and a plastic bag for a while now but for probably longer ive been coming to realize that im trans. Should i come out to the people i know before i ctb, leave it on a note, or just not tell anyone?

 

[TBONTB]

What do you want?

Honestly, why not make the choice that is best for your alive self?

And I'm not trans, so I don't know. Hopefully someone who is can share a better perspective than mine. But I always think secrets hurt us. So what if you chose one or two people you trust a lot to try it out on?

And then see how you feel about everything?

 

[wishingonstars]

As a trans person I agree with @TBONTB, also maybe coming out will give you something to live for, living your truth may be better than having to pretend to be someone you're not. Maybe not, but it's worth a shot and if not ctb is always there.

 

[User111885]

Ive been planning to ctb with sleeping pills and a plastic bag for a while now but for probably longer ive been coming to realize that im trans. Should i come out to the people i know before i ctb, leave it on a note, or just not tell anyone?

could it impact your ability to have food or housing?

(ie, if you are a suicidal trans person at 19 and depending on family for food/shelter/support and they are super religious and could stop the support, I don't know if that's the best idea because sometimes people want to commit suicide, but survival instinct prevents them from ending it or they just fail in their attempt or change their mind, and it would be awful to be depressed, and cut off from support, and not able to do it.)

it would help to know your economic situation to reply

 

[Cristian]

Are you in any trans groups (or LGBTQ groups more generally)? Either online or IRL? If not, that may be worth exploring.

 

[User111885]

Since you aren't answering right away, I'll be more specific:

I think you should come out to any liberal people who are supportive of trans people, as long as it would not get back to anyone financially supporting you who is conservative and could stop support.

You could also come out to liberal people who support trans people and say "Please don't post anything online because I have conservative family" if you are on something like Facebook with both friends and conservative family.

If you are financially independent and have savings, yes, come out right away.

Also, if you are suicidal and trans and in a conservative area, I would move to a more liberal area that accepts Trans people. Some cities and states love their trans people and think of them like a special wonderful part of the community. If you can't move right away, don't come out, save up, then move.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Honestly, as a trans person, I'd personally come out like, a week or so before the original planned date. Start online, maybe even just on a queer Discord server or group, or if your area has a queer non-profit with support groups, try there. The experience of coming out to accepting people is something that is absolutely worth it to experience at least once.

 

[Gunthertempname]

Since you aren't answering right away, I'll be more specific:

I think you should come out to any liberal people who are supportive of trans people, as long as it would not get back to anyone financially supporting you who is conservative and could stop support.

You could also come out to liberal people who support trans people and say "Please don't post anything online because I have conservative family" if you are on something like Facebook with both friends and conservative family.

If you are financially independent and have savings, yes, come out right away.

Also, if you are suicidal and trans and in a conservative area, I would move to a more liberal area that accepts Trans people. Some cities and states love their trans people and think of them like a special wonderful part of the community. If you can't move right away, don't come out, save up, then move.

My parents are super conservative and christian and have openly stated to me that they do not support of trans people in any way whatsoever and ive been trying to move out but all the jobs in my area pay literal dirt Im going to try coming out to a few of my friends who i know without a doubt will be accepting of me and if nothing gets better im probably just going to go through my original plan to cbt

Are you in any trans groups (or LGBTQ groups more generally)? Either online or IRL? If not, that may be worth exploring.

Not really :/ theres not many support groups in my area that im aware of. Im in a few discord servers but not exactly active on them

 

[User111885]

My parents are super conservative and christian and have openly stated to me that they do not support of trans people in any way whatsoever and ive been trying to move out but all the jobs in my area pay literal dirt Im going to try coming out to a few of my friends who i know without a doubt will be accepting of me and if nothing gets better im probably just going to go through my original plan to cbt

Not really :/ theres not many support groups in my area that im aware of. Im in a few discord servers but not exactly active on them

I feel like you are considering trying to end things too soon, no offense.

Being around religious conservative people is awful. It's enough to make anyone want to die, but anyone trans? It's probably a big part of why you are suicidal.

New York, LA, Portland, San Francsico... There are liberal areas that are nice to trans people. New York just spent a ton of money on a trans only homeless shelter and conservatives were super pissed about it. You could pack your bags and go... Or wait until it's less cold, because NY is harsh in the late fall and Winter. Just tell your parents you got a scholarship to a seminary school and are becoming a priest, and when they ask you which one, say you don't want to say because you might not like it and have to come back.


There are people who transition, are happy after, and don't want to die after. You could be one of those people at some point. None of those happy trans people live in conservative or extremely religious areas or live with extremely religious family.

If you lived in an area with toxic mold that was killing you, would you stay until you figured out how to leave or leave rigjt away because it's toxic? You need to get out of that area. Go take a bus on a trip to see a "seminary" school in a trans friendly area and apply for any job you can find there, then go back home if needed, then go back. Look for jobs AWAY from the religious horribke environment.

 

[eternalpace]

Honestly, as a trans person, I'd personally come out like, a week or so before the original planned date. Start online, maybe even just on a queer Discord server or group, or if your area has a queer non-profit with support groups, try there. The experience of coming out to accepting people is something that is absolutely worth it to experience at least once.

I'm not trans myself, but this advice seems to make sense. It can be really uplifting, for lack of a better word, to announce something significant and be received by people who support and are in agreement with you.

 

[Cristian]

New York, LA, Portland, San Francsico... There are liberal areas that are nice to trans people. New York just spent a ton of money on a trans only homeless shelter and conservatives were super pissed about it. You could pack your bags and go... Or wait until it's less cold, because NY is harsh in the late fall and Winter. Just tell your parents you got a scholarship to a seminary school and are becoming a priest, and when they ask you which one, say you don't want to say because you might not like it and have to come back.

I quite agree about keeping open an option to come back home.

But I would go even further in terms of precautions; e.g. research ahead of time (especially if it's a long trip) whatever organization is going to help, and communicate with its leaders.

 

[User111885]

I quite agree about keeping open an option to come back home.

But I would go even further in terms of precautions; e.g. research ahead of time (especially if it's a long trip) whatever organization is going to help, and communicate with its leaders.

I agree with this idea. Talk to shelters in the area first, community resourse, a church in NY will be different than in a bigot area so those can still be resources if they help, talk to LGBT centers in the area. But also, I'm not sure about this but the may prioritize helping people who are physically there and homeless, as opposed to people considering going.

You could also lie to organizations and say you came out as transto your parents and are getting kicked out and have to leave in a week, but don't actually tell your parents. Yes, lying sucks, and you can apologize to the organizatiins years later when you arw out of that toxic environment and have a place to live that doesn't involve predujudiced religious types.