Venting she almost killed herself.

[alwayspissedoff]

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i feel like i wanna throw up.

the person i love, who hasn't been suicidal for a long time, just attempted in what i assume is a psychotic attack.
it was all so sudden... just she telling me she didn't want to be here anymore, and afterwards attempting and almost succeeding...

i feel like a fucking miserable despicable pro life becuase i managed to stop her. i know i wouldn't have stopped her if she had thought about it for a while and had settled on that decision, but i knew it was impulsive...
and can'f fucking believe it started BECAUSE A FUCKER RAPED HER. as if she didn't already suffer from stuff like that in the past.

why can't i be near her? why am i stuck here thousands of miles away????? i am useless. i know i shouldn't but i feel disgusted for being a man, even when i believe every person is/can be evil. but why so many men?
i am a selfish, useless fucker.
i hate this world, and myself.

i just... i don't know. i am in shock. i can't help anyone, i am a complete waste.

 

[nightmare-receiver]

This is not your fault my friend. I'm going to be vulnerable here and as a rape victim myself, please don't feel disgusted with yourself for just for being a man. You haven't done any of the despicable actions some other people have, and if anything you're making a positive impact by being anti-rape as a man. That might sound stupid, but it's been hard to find in my town.

You care about this person, and it's admirable that you did what you felt was the right thing. I'm sure she appreciates it, even just because she knows you care enough to want her around. You are not useless, you have helped someone you care about in what was probably one of the worst moments in her life. I know it sucks to be so far away, I have long distance friends I've felt powerless to help. But as someone with long distance relationships, just knowing that they exist and care means the world to me. I'm sure you have impacted her life in more positive ways than you can even imagine.

I'm so sorry you are both going through so much. I wish I had sound advice or something, but I'm afraid I'm here as well. Seeing this just reminded me so much of my own situation, and I wouldn't want my friends to feel how you're feeling. Give yourself time to feel things, it's okay to be emotional or in shock. I'm crossing my fingers for you both.

 

[My Song Your Note]

You aren't selfish man! Nor useless! All you need to do is be there for them right now. Get on call and stay on call. That is the best I can advise for long distance relationships, and stay up all night if you need to. But don't put the blame on yourself!!

 

[alwayspissedoff]

This is not your fault my friend. I'm going to be vulnerable here and as a rape victim myself, please don't feel disgusted with yourself for just for being a man. You haven't done any of the despicable actions some other people have, and if anything you're making a positive impact by being anti-rape as a man. That might sound stupid, but it's been hard to find in my town.

You care about this person, and it's admirable that you did what you felt was the right thing. I'm sure she appreciates it, even just because she knows you care enough to want her around. You are not useless, you have helped someone you care about in what was probably one of the worst moments in her life. I know it sucks to be so far away, I have long distance friends I've felt powerless to help. But as someone with long distance relationships, just knowing that they exist and care means the world to me. I'm sure you have impacted her life in more positive ways than you can even imagine.

I'm so sorry you are both going through so much. I wish I had sound advice or something, but I'm afraid I'm here as well. Seeing this just reminded me so much of my own situation, and I wouldn't want my friends to feel how you're feeling. Give yourself time to feel things, it's okay to be emotional or in shock. I'm crossing my fingers for you both.

thank you. reading this has helped way more than you can imagine. i am sorry you've been a rape victim as well. rapers should be the ones that die horribly, not their victims.

 

[nightmare-receiver]

thank you. reading this has helped way more than you can imagine. i am sorry you've been a rape victim as well. rapers should be the ones that die horribly, not their victims.

Thank you, that means a lot to me. I'm really glad I was able to help at least a little bit. Take care of yourself. I truly hope things get easier and brighter for you both.

 

[alwayspissedoff]

she says she did want it. why did i do it. why did i just assume she didn't because it was sudden. i am selfish.

now she's at the hospital feeling terrible instead of being at peace.

i am actual scum.

 

[locustspawning]

she says she did want it. why did i do it. why did i just assume she didn't because it was sudden. i am selfish.

now she's at the hospital feeling terrible instead of being at peace.

i am actual scum.

you're not scum nor selfish. you did what anyone would do for someone who they loved. she's still here so all you can do right now is to continue to be there for her as much as you can. you are a good person

 

[nightmare-receiver]

she says she did want it. why did i do it. why did i just assume she didn't because it was sudden. i am selfish.

now she's at the hospital feeling terrible instead of being at peace.

i am actual scum.

You're not scum, you stopped her because you care. You're not selfish either, it's natural and it's human to care and love. I know it's easier said than done, but try to keep in mind that she's still having an episode. It doesn't minimize her feelings at all, but she might change her mind once she's more stable. For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing, and I wouldn't consider myself a "pro-lifer" but I think this being an episode makes it even more important that you stepped in. Try not to beat yourself up, sending luck to the both of you

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

and can'f fucking believe it started BECAUSE A FUCKER RAPED HER. as if she didn't already suffer from stuff like that in the past.

Sorry that happened to her. And also about all the other stuff you wrote before.
I get the feeling as a hypocrite considering you are probably suicidal yourself, I would have similar feelings.
Given that it was an impulsive attempt from her I think you did the right thing, even tho the consequences are not feasable for her right now. Try to be present and help her through this situation.

i know i shouldn't but i feel disgusted for being a man, even when i believe every person is/can be evil.

exactly, you shouldn't.

but why so many men?

confirmation bias, it's not actually that many. It's way too many who don't care tho, and seeing you're not one of them is one more reason to not feel like shit.

am a selfish, useless fucker.
i hate this world, and myself.

You are not at all, you care about her. And you shouldn't hate yourself for something you clearly didn't do and had no control over (the rape). Neither should you hate yourself for saving the persons life that you love and who loves you, it's a very natural thing to do.

Given those feelings you have tho and in order to feel better, simply ask her what you can do to make this better. If it's at all possible, maybe consider traveling to her place and be there in person, if she wants that. Otherwise, I can't think of anything more you could do.

Don't beat yourself up about this, make the best out of an admittedly far from optimal situation. But I imagine you both will – in due time – find her not being dead preferable to what might have been.

Good luck to both of you. May you eventually find joy and happiness with one another!