Venting i tried to get my gf to help me ctb

[nosecuandovuelvo]

i feel like such a worthless husk. i dont wanna keep going.

i wanted to ctb tonight but i couldnt bring myself to. i handed my half-asleep girlfriend the knife i was holding and asked her to kill me. obviously, she freaked the fuck out. i dont blame her at all. i entirelt blame myself. why the hell did i do that?

i up and went and ruined one of the few good things i have. shes the best person ive ever met. i love her. i hope she doesnt resent me for this. i want to marry this woman. im evil. i hope she doesnt break up with me.

what the fuck is wrong with me? i should be able to just do it myself.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

The right therapist could help you figure out the answer.

 

[nosecuandovuelvo]

The right therapist could help you figure out the answer.

ive been looking for one lately, but it seems almost everyone in my area is on a waitlist at the moment. still im sure ill find one. thank you for the small encouragement :)

 

[soributton]

I wish I could ctb with my boyfriend. Or it would be nice to go out by his hands at least.

 

[reloadmyrifle]

The right therapist could help you figure out the answer.

Does therapy genuinely help? They only care about your problems because of transactional payments, and the moment money runs dry you cease to exist to them. Finding the right therapist is also extremely costly. They just stare at you while you rant and write stuff in a notebook. My therapists never further elaborated on their notes, and I feel like it was for show. Also, all the therapists I've had gave me lack luster advice. Half the time it's just coping strategies. They give you a stress ball, and give you breathing exercises for anxiety. Maybe it was because I was an adolescent when I tried therapy, but is there anyone that has truly benefited from therapy?
Most people who have said therapy has helped them is simply because there is someone there for them to listen to their problems.

If that's the case I feel like a support group would be more beneficial because your in a setting where there are people who have struggled like you. You hear their problems and you hear theirs. Knowing that you aren't alone and other people have gone through the same pain as you has helped more than any therapists could have helped. The support groups in my area are also free with no costs. I know that anonymity is a concern with a lot of people. The stigma, shame, and embarrassment around mental health especially for men doesn't help. But if you can get past those things I think that support groups are a really good idea.

I don't mean for my post to downgrade trying to seek mental health recovery and support. I'm asking because I would like to seek help, but I don't want people or myself to waste time and money. If therapy has helped then I'm happy for you. My personal experience is not everyone's experience.

 

[nosecuandovuelvo]

I wish I could ctb with my boyfriend. Or it would be nice to go out by his hands at least.

i feel the exact same. id hate for her to miss me so why not go together? we'd end up in the same place, wherever that may be. despite that i still want her to live a long beautiful life more than anything. that may mean being without me. im sure u understand

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

You must be mentally so far gone that you deadass woke someone from their sleep and asked them to kill you with a knife. You knew it wouldn't work. If you want attention about suicide, you can literally use your words and ask for help instead of traumatizing someone you claim to love. I want to be nice, but this was fucked up.

You also can't genuinely apologize without making some sort of change, like doing therapy and psychiatry. Don't make your issues your partner's and force them to baby you to the point of them having to break up with you because they're afraid of you dying and they burnt themself out trying to help you. It's not fair to them.

Does therapy genuinely help? They only care about your problems because of transactional payments, and the moment money runs dry you cease to exist to them. Finding the right therapist is also extremely costly. They just stare at you while you rant and write stuff in a notebook. My therapists never further elaborated on their notes, and I feel like it was for show. Also, all the therapists I've had gave me lack luster advice. Half the time it's just coping strategies. They give you a stress ball, and give you breathing exercises for anxiety. Maybe it was because I was an adolescent when I tried therapy, but is there anyone that has truly benefited from therapy?
Most people who have said therapy has helped them is simply because there is someone there for them to listen to their problems.

If that's the case I feel like a support group would be more beneficial because your in a setting where there are people who have struggled like you. You hear their problems and you hear theirs. Knowing that you aren't alone and other people have gone through the same pain as you has helped more than any therapists could have helped. The support groups in my area are also free with no costs. I know that anonymity is a concern with a lot of people. The stigma, shame, and embarrassment around mental health especially for men doesn't help. But if you can get past those things I think that support groups are a really good idea.

I don't mean for my post to downgrade trying to seek mental health recovery and support. I'm asking because I would like to seek help, but I don't want people or myself to waste time and money. If therapy has helped then I'm happy for you. My personal experience is not everyone's experience.

Why are you asking a question if you already have a personal answer for it? Just say it didn't work for you, but there are tons of mental illness that can't be treated with medication (ie personality disorders), so therapy is literally the only option.

 

[nosecuandovuelvo]

Does therapy genuinely help?

I'd say everything you're bringing up are very reasonable and genuine concerns, and things similar to what ive struggled with in regards to therapy in my past.

frankly, i feel like cbt and talk therapy are deeply flawed and entirely useless for most intense issues. i do think therapy in general, in as varied as it can be, is genuinelt helpful for many.

depending on what you struggle with, maybe look into dbt. many of my friends highly recommend it. its a little more intensive but also significantly more worthwhile, from what ive heard

You must be mentally so far gone...

i really appreciate your perspective on this. im planning on getting help and having open discussions about this. i fucked up bad and i recognize it. thank you so much for your candidness, sincerely. i think i needed it

 

[reloadmyrifle]

You must be mentally so far gone that you deadass woke someone from their sleep and asked them to kill you with a knife. You knew it wouldn't work. If you want attention about suicide, you can literally use your words and ask for help instead of traumatizing someone you claim to love. I want to be nice, but this was fucked up.

You also can't genuinely apologize without making some sort of change, like doing therapy and psychiatry. Don't make your issues your partner's and force them to baby you to the point of them having to break up with you because they're afraid of you dying and they burnt themself out trying to help you. It's not fair to them.

Why are you asking a question if you already have a personal answer for it? Just say it didn't work for you, but there are tons of mental illness that can't be treated with medication (ie personality disorders), so therapy is literally the only option.

As stated. My personal answer is not everyone's answer. My reason for asking (even though I've had a lack luster past of therapy) is because I'm currently trying to recover, and having peoples opinion on therapy would help decide whether I should do recovery options like support groups, therapy, or going back onto medication. It's been a while since I've tried therapy, and if it has genuinely worked for other people then I'm open minded to trying it again.



Also OP is trying to recover. Not that it justifies his actions, but I see no reason for your comments. He is trying to seek help and change which is the point of this post.
However, I think that whatever actions their significant other chooses to take is entirely on his hands. Whether she chooses to stay with OP or leave.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Does therapy genuinely help? They only care about your problems because of transactional payments, and the moment money runs dry you cease to exist to them. Finding the right therapist is also extremely costly. They just stare at you while you rant and write stuff in a notebook. My therapists never further elaborated on their notes, and I feel like it was for show. Also, all the therapists I've had gave me lack luster advice. Half the time it's just coping strategies. They give you a stress ball, and give you breathing exercises for anxiety. Maybe it was because I was an adolescent when I tried therapy, but is there anyone that has truly benefited from therapy?
Most people who have said therapy has helped them is simply because there is someone there for them to listen to their problems.

If that's the case I feel like a support group would be more beneficial because your in a setting where there are people who have struggled like you. You hear their problems and you hear theirs. Knowing that you aren't alone and other people have gone through the same pain as you has helped more than any therapists could have helped. The support groups in my area are also free with no costs. I know that anonymity is a concern with a lot of people. The stigma, shame, and embarrassment around mental health especially for men doesn't help. But if you can get past those things I think that support groups are a really good idea.

I don't mean for my post to downgrade trying to seek mental health recovery and support. I'm asking because I would like to seek help, but I don't want people or myself to waste time and money. If therapy has helped then I'm happy for you. My personal experience is not everyone's experience.

If you read my comment again, you may find that I never suggested therapy would "help". I wrote that it could help them find the answer to their questions (like why they're so self sabotaging), which it could.

I'd say everything you're bringing up are very reasonable and genuine concerns, and things similar to what ive struggled with in regards to therapy in my past.

frankly, i feel like cbt and talk therapy are deeply flawed and entirely useless for most intense issues. i do think therapy in general, in as varied as it can be, is genuinelt helpful for many.

depending on what you struggle with, maybe look into dbt. many of my friends highly recommend it. its a little more intensive but also significantly more worthwhile, from what ive heard

i really appreciate your perspective on this. im planning on getting help and having open discussions about this. i fucked up bad and i recognize it. thank you so much for your candidness, sincerely. i think i needed it

Many partners would've called 911 (or their country's equivalent) in this situation. You were having an acute mental health crisis, and if you feel like you still are, I encourage you to go to the nearest ER.