i cant fucking do this anymore. every day is the same, smoke weed, read manga, jerk off, go to bed at 4am to wake up at noon and start all over. i finally found a job, was getting my life back on track when i quit. i fucking quit. my anxiety was killing me and i quit. im a coward. i cant do anything right. im an awful person, i hurt everyone around me and offer nothing to anyone. my girlfriend looks at me like i hang the moon and it just makes me feel like shit because i know she deserves someone better. i dont have a good track record with relationships, ill leave her when the going gets tough. its what i did last time. she acts like im some amazing angel but im not. im a disgusting, lazy pervert degenerate who offers nothing. the other day i cleaned her apartment for her because she was sad and she hugged me. she had tears in her eyes. im not worthy of that love. i had that love and i discarded it. ill only hurt her. im sure shell be sad when they find me but shell get over it. shes smart and young, shell bounce back.
theres a bridge in my town, im gonna get an uber down to it sometime in the night. im broke rn so ill have to find a way to make 30-40 dollars for the uber, and in the meantime ill practice hyperventilating. when i get to the bridge ill have two options, jump into the river or wade into the river from the bank and pass out in the water. the latter would be more of a peaceful death, ill pass out before i drown and ill just quietly slip into oblivion. the first one though will be tough. the bridge isnt high enough for the fall to kill me outright, ive gone over that in my head a thousand times. unless i hit the river right on my head, ill probably just break a limb or rib, and then ill drown painfully in filthy river water. the first ones better, but the second is what i deserve. im gonna type out my notes and start preparing.
if youre reading this, im sorry. im sorry i cant hold out, im sorry im giving up. please dont be like me. i dont know your story, and i probably wouldn't be able to relate to it, but i dont want anyone to kill themselves. u r a unique and special soul because you are you. im sure most on this thread will scoff at that or get mad at it, so sorry. just please take care of yourself if you can.
theres a bridge in my town, im gonna get an uber down to it sometime in the night. im broke rn so ill have to find a way to make 30-40 dollars for the uber, and in the meantime ill practice hyperventilating. when i get to the bridge ill have two options, jump into the river or wade into the river from the bank and pass out in the water. the latter would be more of a peaceful death, ill pass out before i drown and ill just quietly slip into oblivion. the first one though will be tough. the bridge isnt high enough for the fall to kill me outright, ive gone over that in my head a thousand times. unless i hit the river right on my head, ill probably just break a limb or rib, and then ill drown painfully in filthy river water. the first ones better, but the second is what i deserve. im gonna type out my notes and start preparing.
if youre reading this, im sorry. im sorry i cant hold out, im sorry im giving up. please dont be like me. i dont know your story, and i probably wouldn't be able to relate to it, but i dont want anyone to kill themselves. u r a unique and special soul because you are you. im sure most on this thread will scoff at that or get mad at it, so sorry. just please take care of yourself if you can.
