I wanna stop, I do but legit nothing feels as real, Nothing regulates my emotions better, Nothing feels as gutteral or effective, No amount of journaling or hard training or meditation could feel as real , everytime I try one of those self help methods it feels like im performing for myself + the pride it gives me the sense of control. I have so many fucked up thoughts, towards myself, towards others anger /hatred/ violence.I don't think I have it in me to hurt others but the things I'd do to myself without an outlet
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