Venting sh

[.koocain]

at first i used to think ppl who did selfharm were so foolish and how its such ameaningless coping mechanism,but i was wrong , first time i relapsed was when ky bf left me and i cut my arms a lilbit and then tge cuts woukd start stinging and burning and i just missed the feeling of actually feeling something, ever since he left me ive been numb thinking about him rn just makes me nauseous.

anyways days after i still selfharmed and some days i would just losecontrol and start cutting everywhere nonestop. then id wake up the next morning regretting what i did, i cant stop its addicting i promise myself everytime to not to it sgain but even when the smallest inconveniencehhappens i go straight to the blade. it used to be my arms obky but now i do on my thighs, also when my scars start to go away i always have the urge to reppen and cht them. idk whats wrong with me i just dont wabt to feel invalid or anything , i dont want to sound clichedbut im being so deadass i cant stop. ive been clean for about 2 weeks now bc im on holiday rn but ik holidays are wnding in like a week and my life is going to return back to normal, i just know i wont be able to stay clean. im so tired of this

 

[Cauliflour]

at first i used to think ppl who did selfharm were so foolish and how its such ameaningless coping mechanism,but i was wrong , first time i relapsed was when ky bf left me and i cut my arms a lilbit and then tge cuts woukd start stinging and burning and i just missed the feeling of actually feeling something, ever since he left me ive been numb thinking about him rn just makes me nauseous.

Good ol' dopamine back at it again!

This'll probably sound cliche, but you do it to feel something, right? How about going into a hot bath and lying in there until you've had enough of the pain from the heat? I've heard that from somewhere as a replacement coping mechanism. It'll probably make your scars sting like mad though so uhhhh...yeah I got nothing. You are valid though. Cutting to feel something isn't that uncommon.

 

[Merocero]

man i can relate, ill never escape cutting either, i cant stay clean longer than like 3 days?? i just keep going back every day to it... its tiring but at the same time at least i get to feel something and be in control for once

 

[.koocain]

man i can relate, ill never escape cutting either, i cant stay clean longer than like 3 days?? i just keep going back every day to it... its tiring but at the same time at least i get to feel something and be in control for once

hope u heal soon twin

 

[vergi]

Yeeah cutting is something I've never been able to stop doing either, if anything it has only gotten worse as the years went on and I started struggling with drinking and substance abuse, I'd get really drunk or high and just slash away at my thigh until I had to be taken to the emergency room for going a lot deeper than intended, I feel like my worst memory regarding cutting wasn't even a night where I was actually causing harm to myself, but instead the time when my mother first saw the scars on my arm.. she wasn't even concerned about the fact that I was fifteen or fourteen and cutting myself under her roof, instead she started yelling at me about how I'll never find a husband or a job looking the way I do… it baffles me how to this day she only cares about the aesthetic side of me cutting, why would I care about my appeal to men if I'm too busy fantasising about suicide))))

 

[Merocero]

she wasn't even concerned about the fact that I was fifteen or fourteen and cutting myself under her roof, instead she started yelling at me about how I'll never find a husband or a job looking the way I do… it baffles me how to this day she only cares about the aesthetic side of me cutting, why would I care about my appeal to men if I'm too busy fantasising about suicide))))

man i had a veery similar situation when i was caught recently lol, my mom was more mad about it cause "it will leave scars" than the fact that i sh XD like damn get your priorities straight,, like, i dont get how someone can completely ignore how you must be feeling just cause your action will leave scars??
I hope you heal soon though, good luck!

 

[mirror_mercury]

please visit a psych ward

 

[iamnotadinosaur:(]

Yeah I totally relate, I have the same issue, but also when I try to stop I end up barely sleeping at all which sucks.
It's interesting though because scientifically sh is an addiction because it releases endorphins as pain-killers then dopamine from the relief, and it all makes a sort-of addicting brain chemical soup which I think is cool to know but sucks that it's true

 

[orpheus_]

Like people said, for many SH becomes an addiction and there is no single way to get out if it and damn I'm so sorry you have to get through this, doing things that you regret every day

I experienced something similar for a few months, I was cutting myself daily. But I mostly didn't regret it, I was just like "eh whatever". It was also a way to stop feeling numb for me. Sometimes to punish myself but less often.

I honestly only stopped because it started feeling meaningless and I didn't have the energy to clean up after it. Then I did it less and less often as I started feeling better in general. I "relapsed" (not sure if I should use this world because I don't know if it was an addiction in my case?) a few times in the next months but only for a short time. Between the relapses I just... Had no need to do it because I felt better and had better things to do. Or saw no point because I saw no point in anything else either. OR because I hurt myself too much and the wound was a pain in the ass to handle. ...also. Kind of a silly reason but the fact that the wounds on my arms kept opening up and stained my favorite shirts annoyed me so it was something that kept me from doing it sometimes. But only when I was "on the edge" on deciding whether to do it or not

I guess what you can do now is harm reduction, please take proper care of your sh wounds to not get an infection. I know that when someone is used to having wounds all the time it's easy to forget about it.