karmas_mistake
New Member
- Feb 8, 2026
- 1
the last ten or eleven years, and the thoughts havent really changed and have probably gotten worse/more advanced. i used hard drugs for the last 8-9 years. the list of subtsances ive used is practically endless. i started self harm at around seven years old. (twenty years now, almost 21.) I ended up getting into some legal trouble bc i combined a few different substances and got arrested. i was charged with a felony and 4 misdemeanors. this really makes me feel like i ruined my life. i'd be in jail right now, but they let me out on cash free bail because i am young, spent 15 days in a psyche ward. i still feel like i completely ruined my life. one of my biggest interests is firearms and bc of my psyche ward stays and my felony i can no longer legally own firearms. ive been considering a few methons for suicide, benzos and SN mostly but a few others came up during my "research".
i have to go to rehab really soon because it's a condition of my bail. the only thing that has been keeping me going is substance abuse, and itll be so much harder to get away with after going to rehab. i also am scared to death that rehab will do body checks and see all my healing sh wounds and send me to a psyche ward.
idk, i havent been insanely suicidal. but i do think about being dead every day, or believing i deserve to die for the things i have done.
does anyone have any advice to try and cope with all of this: i just need to try and get through the next month and go get rehab done as fast as i can. im sure i can lie my way through it, but part of me wonders if i could actually benefit from it. Idk, my friends dont really understand any of this and a really needed a place to just let out all my thoughts and hope that someone can give me some advice. i really need advice on things to do instead of self harm, ive started going so deep on my arms that they are hard to stop bleeding and going any more shallow isn't as satisfying.
apologies for the really long post, i really hope this is the right place to post about it. i dont like reddit or the people on reddit
i have to go to rehab really soon because it's a condition of my bail. the only thing that has been keeping me going is substance abuse, and itll be so much harder to get away with after going to rehab. i also am scared to death that rehab will do body checks and see all my healing sh wounds and send me to a psyche ward.
idk, i havent been insanely suicidal. but i do think about being dead every day, or believing i deserve to die for the things i have done.
does anyone have any advice to try and cope with all of this: i just need to try and get through the next month and go get rehab done as fast as i can. im sure i can lie my way through it, but part of me wonders if i could actually benefit from it. Idk, my friends dont really understand any of this and a really needed a place to just let out all my thoughts and hope that someone can give me some advice. i really need advice on things to do instead of self harm, ive started going so deep on my arms that they are hard to stop bleeding and going any more shallow isn't as satisfying.
apologies for the really long post, i really hope this is the right place to post about it. i dont like reddit or the people on reddit
