P
paintedbutterfly676
Member
- Oct 1, 2023
- 56
I have identified as pansexual since middle school. I always thought that because I saw men and women as the same in my eyes, that means I was attracted to either. This has guided my dating life.
But today, after the third date with this newest boy, I have realized I'm not attracted to him. And after further thought, I don't know if I'm attracted to anyone. I always say I develop crushes on my friends, but they aren't crushes, are they? They are my broken brain seeing a positive relationship and deciding it has to be a crush. I have never had a crush. I have never felt attraction. I know about the idea of ace/aro, and I'm happy for people who find comfort in that identity, but I don't. I want to be attracted, I want crushes, I want to be romanced. But whenever I am, I feel nothing. My one experience with sex felt like nothing, I can deal with that better by myself.
Am I really just that broken that I can't even date anyone? I want a romantic experience, but when I get it I don't feel any better.
But today, after the third date with this newest boy, I have realized I'm not attracted to him. And after further thought, I don't know if I'm attracted to anyone. I always say I develop crushes on my friends, but they aren't crushes, are they? They are my broken brain seeing a positive relationship and deciding it has to be a crush. I have never had a crush. I have never felt attraction. I know about the idea of ace/aro, and I'm happy for people who find comfort in that identity, but I don't. I want to be attracted, I want crushes, I want to be romanced. But whenever I am, I feel nothing. My one experience with sex felt like nothing, I can deal with that better by myself.
Am I really just that broken that I can't even date anyone? I want a romantic experience, but when I get it I don't feel any better.