!Content Warning! I don't want to trigger anyone, but I don't know how to say this experience in a non-graphic way.
A year ago I had this situation with a close friend that I'm still trying to process, but would like the blunt feedback I feel like you can only really get anonymously. To summarize, I had this on-going friendship conflict with my close friend (a guy, I'm a girl). We were going to resolve this once and for all with him properly apologizing to me, because I had shared what I felt from my perspective. I'll call this "Final Discussion" because we were trying to move on from this big conflict and have it past us. He decided to do this Final Discussion one night when he was really drunk. Apparently, the most drunk he has ever been. I also ended up drinking, not to that extent by more than tipsy, like a standard level drunk.
So here's the actual part I need feedback on. Also where the content warning kicks in.
1. My friend say I made him uncomfortable when I was too touchy with him. For context, I was very emotional, sobbing, and he was like holding me on his lap ig? Not to demeaned myself, but kinda baby-esque while I was wiping off my tears.
2. I told him he touched me uncomfortably when I went to hug him (later in the night) and he fell over. We were both sitting down before, so now I am on top of him. This is where he starts groping my butt, putting his hand under my clothes, and rubbing his leg against my crotch. I told him he was rubbing my crotch but he just said, "no, I'm not". So I was very confused. He also starts recounting him fingering his ex. It came up after I was making fun of him earlier, I'm not inherently bothered by explicit talk, but to add to the context, this was the vibe. My hands weren't touching him body, they were either playing with his hair, or just above him head. There was no where else I could put them in this position.
I'm now coming to terms with the fact I was touch very sexually when I was unable to consent. To be honest, I enjoyed it at the time, but now I look back in this night with dread. I feel like a major roadblock in me processing this is that I feel bad that I also made him physically uncomfortable. We were able to talk about this after, and my friends main talking point was that we both did things that made each other uncomfortable. But I feel bothered I agreed to this point, because I feel like they are inherently different levels of discomfort. This is my perspective on the situation and I know people are always biased to their own views. So if I'm to give some lasting credit to him, I think feeling uncomfortable when you are but into a position where you have to comfort a very distressed person is genuinely hard, potentially triggering, and can easily be mess feel like too much and actually be too much. Also I acknowledge he was much more drunk than I was and that does mess with the dynamic.
If you are still reading this, thank u so much and please be genuinely and brutally honest with advice and whatever.
A year ago I had this situation with a close friend that I'm still trying to process, but would like the blunt feedback I feel like you can only really get anonymously. To summarize, I had this on-going friendship conflict with my close friend (a guy, I'm a girl). We were going to resolve this once and for all with him properly apologizing to me, because I had shared what I felt from my perspective. I'll call this "Final Discussion" because we were trying to move on from this big conflict and have it past us. He decided to do this Final Discussion one night when he was really drunk. Apparently, the most drunk he has ever been. I also ended up drinking, not to that extent by more than tipsy, like a standard level drunk.
So here's the actual part I need feedback on. Also where the content warning kicks in.
1. My friend say I made him uncomfortable when I was too touchy with him. For context, I was very emotional, sobbing, and he was like holding me on his lap ig? Not to demeaned myself, but kinda baby-esque while I was wiping off my tears.
2. I told him he touched me uncomfortably when I went to hug him (later in the night) and he fell over. We were both sitting down before, so now I am on top of him. This is where he starts groping my butt, putting his hand under my clothes, and rubbing his leg against my crotch. I told him he was rubbing my crotch but he just said, "no, I'm not". So I was very confused. He also starts recounting him fingering his ex. It came up after I was making fun of him earlier, I'm not inherently bothered by explicit talk, but to add to the context, this was the vibe. My hands weren't touching him body, they were either playing with his hair, or just above him head. There was no where else I could put them in this position.
I'm now coming to terms with the fact I was touch very sexually when I was unable to consent. To be honest, I enjoyed it at the time, but now I look back in this night with dread. I feel like a major roadblock in me processing this is that I feel bad that I also made him physically uncomfortable. We were able to talk about this after, and my friends main talking point was that we both did things that made each other uncomfortable. But I feel bothered I agreed to this point, because I feel like they are inherently different levels of discomfort. This is my perspective on the situation and I know people are always biased to their own views. So if I'm to give some lasting credit to him, I think feeling uncomfortable when you are but into a position where you have to comfort a very distressed person is genuinely hard, potentially triggering, and can easily be mess feel like too much and actually be too much. Also I acknowledge he was much more drunk than I was and that does mess with the dynamic.
If you are still reading this, thank u so much and please be genuinely and brutally honest with advice and whatever.
