Discussion Sex workers

[not_a_robot]

Sex is supposed to be an act of love.

That kind of false idealism is just self-imposed suicide fuel.

 

[irrelevant_string]

That kind of false idealism is just self-imposed suicide fuel.

Why though? How is the opposing view better at keeping one sane/non-suicidal/whatever?
I'm only being pragmatic here, not debating the existence of love, it depends on how you define it. But can promiscuity really bring any sort of lasting fulfillment to anyone? Or at least anything better than what believing, perhaps mistakenly, in love does?

 

[not_a_robot]

Not promiscuity. Absurdity.
It's still suicidal, just a lot less mopey.

Absurdism - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

 

[Kikoo Loool]

Sex is supposed to be an act of love.

Why not an act of pleasure first of all?

 

[not_a_robot]

Why not an act of pleasure first of all?

Or an act of survival?
Ascribing sacredness to earthly functions is a recipe for despair. How many divorces do you need to see before you stop calling marriage sacred? Life is about survival. Very few people have the luxury of preciousness.

 

[irrelevant_string]

Yeah, I wish I could accept that worldview as easily as you seem to. I'm torn between wanting to believe in some fluffy rainbowy/unicorny thing and being cynical about absolutely everything.

 

[alizee]

The assumption that sex is supposed to be an act of love is just crap one is fed when entering this world.
The majority of old beliefs are idiotic and only resinate with people that actually trusted the people who first told them to think a certain way. Sex can still be an act of love when you're doing the act with someone you love. Similar it can be an act of profit when you're with someone you're not in a relationship with but just trying to survive in this world.

 

[Ready124]

I often do some stripping. But I don't get paid for this. And it's when, I'm home and nobody is around.

Ha ha that pushing it even then ! Ha

 

[not_a_robot]

Yeah, I wish I could accept that worldview as easily as you seem to. I'm torn between wanting to believe in some fluffy rainbowy/unicorny thing and being cynical about absolutely everything.

Extremes, I don't get it.Both extremes are only gonna make you miserable. Absurdism frees you from that. Go with the flow. None of this shit means anything, so what?
Just try to enjoy the few things you can (i like drugs) til life requires you to ctb. Love won't stop death and decay, nothing will.
Ask Death the meaning of life:
"wild strawberries."

The assumption that sex is supposed to be an act of love is just crap one is fed when entering this world.
The majority of old beliefs are idiotic and only resinate with people that actually trusted the people who first told them to think a certain way. Sex can still be an act of love when you're doing the act with someone you love. Similar it can be an act of profit when you're with someone you're not in a relationship with but just trying to survive in this world.

Sex for love and Romantic love are new concepts. Marriages used to be for economic and political alliances, and copulation, for breeding and pleasure.
The poets fucked it all up.

 

[_NoName_]

Lol I always found it funny that people call it "undignified" to get paid for doing something other people are dumb enough to give away for free.
I only feel like my dignity is lost when I *don't* get paid for it. I *deserve* that cash, because I'm *worth* it.
Getting used for free doesn't make people dignified, it makes them chumps.

Well, it has less to do with diginity, and more like.. I hold intimacy in high regards. I can't be close to anybody unless I feel like they are "the one". I feel by being intimate with another person, I become more volnureable and weak. Silly, I know, but that's how I am. I've no interest in sex otherwise.

 

[kkatt]

I started out doing camwork, a few photoshoots and films then just enough escorting to get by. It's something I am far from proud of. Fortunately, none of my earnings were taken from me.
I still get requests to do more shoots and films to this day and receive gifts and cards from ex clients.
In a way, I regard it as better than getting legless on a saturday night and giving it away. Yet I hope my daughter never has to resort to it. Sex is never the same.

 

[AnnaJaspers]

I'm a 40 something woman and have had plenty of experience, including a long term marriage.

Ask me anything.

 

[not_a_robot]

Well, it has less to do with diginity, and more like.. I hold intimacy in high regards. I can't be close to anybody unless I feel like they are "the one". I feel by being intimate with another person, I become more volnureable and weak. Silly, I know, but that's how I am. I've no interest in sex otherwise.

That's so sweet.
Maybe after a few of the Ones (plural) have broken your heart and shat all over your life, you'll see it more practically.

 

[thomasdoyletad]

I've known some sex-workers, dated a former sex-worker very briefly, and back when I was crazy about fitness and not eating I considered doing some myself (with other guys, it's a big industry where I live) when I was desperately hard up for cash but it was never practical. I have bad PTSD from being violently raped in my teens and I don't even like it when people I know touch me without permission. These days I could probably do it, but I'm not young or fit enough for it to be an option anymore.

I have a hunch it's more common than it appears...

I remember a study that showed about 98% of (female) sex workers had experienced some form of sexual assault. I know it was a US study, but it wouldn't surprise me if those numbers are fairly accurate. Every sex worker I've ever known, including super sex-positive advocates for sex workers, had been assaulted, sometimes repeatedly, either in their teens or as a child, and sexual assault is fairly common. So if there is a correlation between the two, if being sexually assaulted makes you more likely to become engaged in sex work, then it would stand to reason there are probably more sex workers than most people are aware of. Also just to be clear I'm not suggesting there is any direct causal relationship here, i.e you get raped and you instantly become a sex worker. If there is a correlation I would bet real money it has a to do with cultural reactions to sexual assault and it's impact on people's lifestyle. Which would also explain why fewer male victims turn to it since they're treated very differently, and don't have the same options when it comes to commodifying their sexuality. I mean if sex work is something that correlates with vulnerable demographics in general (and from my reading it absolutely does, like the trans community, homeless youths, etc) then I don't think it's a stretch to suggest that survivors of sexual violence (particularly those abused in early childhood or teens) are a vulnerable demographic, and that their experiences are similar in some respects.

There are probably some social factors too. I know for example in kink communities most young women find it very easy to commodify their sexuality. I mean if you're naturally submissive and want to explore that side of your sexuality you can either do it for free, or get paid $200 an hour for it. Kind of makes it a no-brainer what people will choose under those circumstances especially as the latter option is arguably safer.

It's ironic people say the push for gender equality causes these things. Like I see where they're coming from, but if we actually had real gender equality (i.e if we valued female and male sexuality equally in cultural terms) the entire sex industry would more or less disappear.

 

[Ladylethal]

I started camming/selling photos etc to try and take back the power I lost in a very bizarre and sad situation.
I thought it'd make me feel better about myself and that'd I finally feel pretty and confident...The money was great to be completely honest. But money doesn't buy happiness. Showing your body for money can be empowering, yes, but buying into that glamorous sugar coated crap is short lived and putting yourself out there it really doesn't fulfill you in the long run.
I don't feel better about myself. My life is still shitty and it's not like I'm proud of doing it. It was fun to experiment, dress up and try new things though. But it overall worsen my depression and self esteem. I really feel like I'm garbage

 

[not_a_robot]

I started camming/selling photos etc to try and take back the power I lost in a very bizarre and sad situation.
I thought it'd make me feel better about myself and that'd I finally feel pretty and confident...The money was great to be completely honest. But money doesn't buy happiness. Showing your body for money can be empowering, yes, but buying into that glamorous sugar coated crap is short lived and putting yourself out there it really doesn't fulfill you in the long run.
I don't feel better about myself. My life is still shitty and it's not like I'm proud of doing it. It was fun to experiment, dress up and try new things though. But it overall worsen my depression and self esteem. I really feel like I'm garbage

Sex work is just a job, not a self-help program.
Feeling good for showing off the body is not real self-esteem, just narcissism. That's how fucked our society is, that nobody knows the difference.

 

[Midnight]

I'm a 40 something woman and have had plenty of experience, including a long term marriage.

Ask me anything.

Sorry if i'm ignorant here but i assume your partner knew about your job? Did you meet him on the job?

 

[AnnaJaspers]

Met on the job years ago. He's now an ex-partner but a dear friend.

 

[Midnight]

Met on the job years ago. He's now an ex-partner but a dear friend.

Glad to hear that something nice came out of it. Most people wouldn't even stand the thought of going into a relationship that way. I was biased before too about sexworkers but most if not all the ones i met where actually better people than the ones i meet in normal life.

 

[AnnaJaspers]

Glad to hear that something nice came out of it. Most people wouldn't even stand the thought of going into a relationship that way. I was biased before too about sexworkers but most if not all the ones i met where actually better people than the ones i meet in normal life.

Thanks. Most sex workers have a lot of empathy because we typically come from broken homes and have had our fair share of childhood trauma.

 

[Midnight]

Thanks. Most sex workers have a lot of empathy because we typically come from broken homes and have had our fair share of childhood trauma.

The ones i met indeed seemed to have had their share of hardships early on. I never ask about it though .. even if i get a hint of their past when they somewhat bring it up or if the subject leads to it. It wouldn't help by me bringing up their past. Just a embrace and silence goes a long way in those moments.

 

[Mud.]

No. I'm a boring heterosexual male. Gay sex turns me off and I've never met a woman who wanted to pay money to have sex with me.

I've never visited a sex worker myself either. I genuinely feel everybody has the right to do with his/her body whatever they want but I think in the heart, no woman wants that kind of life. Call me naïve but something must have happened or is happening in her life that makes her go out to earn money that way. It doesn't matter if she's doing it completely out of free will (to get through uni for example), I just can't get past that point in my mind.

I would feel like I'd be harming her dignity.
It just turns me off.

 

[Rocksandsand]

No. I'm a boring heterosexual male. Gay sex turns me off and I've never met a woman who wanted to pay money to have sex with me.

I've never visited a sex worker myself either. I genuinely feel everybody has the right to do with his/her body whatever they want but I think in the heart, no woman wants that kind of life. Call me naïve but something must have happened or is happening in her life that makes her go out to earn money that way. It doesn't matter if she's doing it completely out of free will (to get through uni for example), I just can't get past that point in my mind.

I would feel like I'd be harming her dignity.
It just turns me off.

This really resonates with me... I count myself as really sex-positive and pro autonomy for sex workers. Having said all that though, I do agree... While working, every other worker I met had a certain amount of adversity which brought them there. I never once met a prostitute that was there because they really enjoyed getting paid for sex. That was a narrative we fed to gullible clients to keep the fantasy alive.

 

[Neroli]

You guys should check out Fight the New Drug and the Truth About Porn.

 

[bacardirum]

I could never be with a sex worker, I hate condoms...

 

[Laststop]

I had two brushes with the sex worker industry...of a sort. One was when I lived with a room-mate. I came home, and he dragged me over to one of our sliding glass doors, and told me to make a peep hole in the blinds, and look up to the second floor. There were two new tenants, both like 19, in bra and panties, with their asses up against the glass of their sliding glass window. Long story short, they knew my roommate was looking, and was torturing him. The next day I came home at the same time and he told me he talked to them. Both strippers, step-sisters from their parents marrying (not blood to each other), and we were both going right over to help them move furniture. They answered a couple of times I talked to them as we moved their stuff, then never spoke to me again after. A little while later I saw a late-night special on strippers on Showtime, and they talked about how they loathed men in general, and just used them. It seemed to fit my expereince. The second brush was going to a job interview for a bouncer at the club they worked at. I had been let go from the job I had due to a slowdown, and couldn't find anything else. I got the job, and even bought some elements of the wardrobe I would need. I ended up deciding to move back to another state before I started. It was so weird being in the club, and thinking about working there. I always wondered if it would changed me. We had heard most of the girls there turned tricks on the side. I don't know. I wonder what I would have been involved in, if anything. But the whole "trade" seemed a lot more out there than my personality. Also, I already found out "they" see me as a loathsome sucker.

 

[Saga]

Sex is supposed to be an act of love.

but love is like a unicorn...doesnt exist...
i am not a worker but would love to try for the fun of it...and yes money...and before i ctb...

 

[Morphinekiss]

Sex is supposed to be an act of love.

Just wanted to clarify not all sex workers have sex. Cam girls, strippers, some escorts, for hire dominates, etc. It's a large industry with many offshoots.

 

[Amber1974]

How does one get started as a prostitute? Are there certain websites? I need money lol

 

[thomasdoyletad]

How does one get started as a prostitute? Are there certain websites? I need money lol

Depends on where you're from and the opportunities and legalities. This is a very big topic, and there is a lot you need to know before starting in this line of work. There are online communities where sex workers can share experience and advice, but many of them (like Switter) disappeared or have been banned thanks to FOSTA, which also pushed sex-workers off many more traditional forums. Take a look at http://www.scarlettacademy.com/ or even look up some of the more prominent pro sex-work advocates on https://www.quora.com/ (if you're serious I can PM you some names of people to get into contact with, though they may not have advice which is applicable to your region)