Venting Setbacks in Recovery

[bluupup]

I have been a couple months maybe clean of cutting. I feel so much better sometimes but other times I feel like I need to CTB. My brother got mauled by a pitbull and he had a wound the size of a golf ball and as deep as a crayon; and guess who had to clean it up? Nobody other than ME. I freaked the fuck out after. My mom and her boyfriend took my brother to the ER and left me home alone. I called my sister and had her come over, while I was walking to meet her, I almost got hit by a truck. I was so out of it. it was scary. I couldn't focus in on anything and honestly it was agonizing. I wanted to focus on things, I just couldn't. I ended up coloring instead of cutting and we vaped in my bed for a couple of hours. I got photos of my brothers wound on my phone, it was gross.

TLDR: I've been trying to recover but I feel like I need to CTB sometimes. then I got distracted and went on a rant.

 

[desiderium]

Ough, I'm so sorry you had to be the one to help clean your brother's wound. Deep wounds are a beast to look at and treat, and I hope you're able to recover from that experience.

I'm super proud of you for not relapsing, though!! Recovery can be so, so, difficult, but I am genuinely happy that you managed to avoid it. I know it doesn't mean much from an internet stranger, but I believe in you!