Venting Seriously considering CTB in the next few days

[nopointinlivingg]

Planned on partial hanging for a while, still need to gather materials but as far as planning goes I'm set on that. Hasn't felt definite until now though.

I really want to tell someone even though I know that would be a stupid move, because at least 1 of the maybe 3 loved ones I have left would have me involuntarily committed. I would definitely lose my job, and have even more of a reason to catch the bus, so maybe I should follow my instinct.

I guess that's why I'm posting here, even though I know no one here really cares. Probably especially so, as we're obviously all dealing with the pinnacle of mental and/or physical pain.

I tried my absolute best to better my life but there's just something too wrong with me, too broken about my brain and personality. Plus I suck at everything, even the things people tried to tell me I was good at growing up. I gave it my all, pulled my punch back as hard as I could to make connections in a way that felt right, bet on myself, have even a little bit of confidence. But it just ain't happening. I am rejected in every way imaginable. And very lonely. Not for lack of trying not to be.

I'm experiencing this wave of calm yet intense depression, it feels scarily nice. Usually my lows are coupled with strong anxiety so maybe the lack of that is contributing but I feel more lucid than I possibly ever have. Maybe I should roll with it tonight, I don't want to go to work tomorrow and start the cycle anew.

I don't know what the point of this is.

 

[Unknown21]

Same

 

[wagner2029]

even though I know no one here really cares.

That's not true, but we don't have much to do other than exchange experiences and help each other find their own path, whatever it may be.
I'm in the same boat, I'm discouraged with life, suffering from depression and insomnia, I can only sleep at 6 am.
Tiredness, discouragement, feeling of defeat, I'm in my last days.
I wish you find relief from your suffering, whatever it may be.

 

[druggedonsurvival]

I am in the same boat more or less. Personally, I wouldn't expect to be ready until I have everything I need and I know exactly what I'm doing. Partial hanging is very difficult to get right (unless you don't mind dying by just compressing the jugular veins and leaving a much ickier corpse; even then I'm not sure if it would work), so don't expect to be able to do it unless you know exactly what you are doing. In any case, I wish you luck whatever your choice may be.