Discussion do you feel you get ''little signs'' that you should ctb?

[lnlybnny]

in my life it seems EVERYTHING points me in that direction. majorly the fact that i can't fit into anything in this world and feel like an alien being probably the biggest. but i'm talking about trivial details, stuff you sometimes don't notice. i don't know if i'm hallucinating or if my brain is tricking me into thinking these things due to me delibarating on ctb 24/7 in my head, but i've been getting ''little signs'', which may be stupid for some people. like, if i read something regarding astrology (i'm not very into it but sometimes i read stuff abt it if it seems interesting) and if i read something like ''you should REMOVE YOURSELF from this situation, find what gives you peace, just GET OUT of it'' etc i'm like ''that's a sign! i should remove myself from life!!!'' lol

or if a GREAT SURPRISE happens and you feel extreme happiness and you say ''that's it, my life is made, i can go out in peace already... my dream already came true''

or too many unwanted events around the corner, like those annoying stupid family gatherings that you can't deny going or bday parties that makes ctb'ing even more attractive, you know? all of these seem like such great signs to me. or even something somebody might say, my mum yesterday said something like ''oh if you had had a child in your life blah blah'' technically i'm still alive and i'm a fertile 29 woman who can still have children i guess (which i definitely don't want to)? maybe she put it that way because she felt something is off with me, like i'm going to stop existing soon?

do you feel stuff like that or am i being delusional?

 

[Mi Mi]

in my life it seems EVERYTHING points me in that direction. majorly the fact that i can't fit into anything in this world and feel like an alien being probably the biggest. but i'm talking about trivial details, stuff you sometimes don't notice. i don't know if i'm hallucinating or if my brain is tricking me into thinking these things due to me delibarating on ctb 24/7 in my head, but i've been getting ''little signs'', which may be stupid for some people. like, if i read something regarding astrology (i'm not very into it but sometimes i read stuff abt it if it seems interesting) and if i read something like ''you should REMOVE YOURSELF from this situation, find what gives you peace, just GET OUT of it'' etc i'm like ''that's a sign! i should remove myself from life!!!'' lol

or if a GREAT SURPRISE happens and you feel extreme happiness and you say ''that's it, my life is made, i can go out in peace already... my dream already came true''

or too many unwanted events around the corner, like those annoying stupid family gatherings that you can't deny going or bday parties that makes ctb'ing even more attractive, you know? all of these seem like such great signs to me. or even something somebody might say, my mum yesterday said something like ''oh if you had had a child in your life blah blah'' technically i'm still alive and i'm a fertile 29 woman who can still have children i guess (which i definitely don't want to)? maybe she put it that way because she felt something is off with me, like i'm going to stop existing soon?

do you feel stuff like that or am i being delusional?

Yes
And it's often confusing because at the moment it seems so clear

 

[lnlybnny]

Yes
And it's often confusing because at the moment it seems so clear

what kind of signs do you get? if you want to share

 

[Mi Mi]

what kind of signs do you get? if you want to share

Well
I prayed for a sn source
Begged
And it happened
If this isn't my time finally
Why would god..the universe...whatever
Why would they finally grant me my wish
I often see 123
Well my birthday is 1 23
Those two things tug at me

 

[thealteredmind]

nah I never got signs of any type

 

[Labyrinth]

It would be correct if by "receiving signs" you said that your beliefs are grounded in reality, and are confirmed by raw observation. But the way I understand it, as if "miraculous signs" are being sent to you, it seems that your mind creates this veneer -- a mere illusion.

 

[Abyssal]

Not really. I just have worsening mental health. I've searched for signs to live though.

 

[lnlybnny]

It would be correct if by "receiving signs" you said that your beliefs are grounded in reality, and are confirmed by raw observation. But the way I understand it, as if "miraculous signs" are being sent to you, it seems that your mind creates this veneer -- a mere illusion.

i stated up there that it might be my brain tricking me to perceive it, and that's okay, this wasn't meant to be taken seriously like science or something

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Oh yeah I feel like I get "signs" all the time, mine are usually more abstract though. For example, I've stopped being nostalgic for previous periods of my life, which I take to be a sign that there is truly no life I would like to live, and CTB is the right option. Or not being able to enjoy music anymore, which was my last remaining comfort for so long. Or when a coworker told me that I "wasn't a quitter" and am not someone who gives up, and my only thought was "Yes, she's right, I should attempt CTB again!" Any "motivational" phrases like that just end up making me think of CTB lol.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

The 'signs' for CTB are definitely more mental rather than something concretely established as fact. Suicide largely deals with the mind and one's relationship with the world around them. I haven't felt like I had 'my place' in the world ever since I was a young child. I never fully integrated into any group that I was a part of. Even when I thought I meant something to other people, my perception of them was far higher than their perception of me. I don't value myself, and whatever accomplishments I have seem insignificant compared to everyone else's. Lately, I've been getting angrier at the entire world. I don't feel at peace, and I'm noticing all of the ways that I have been let down by the people that I love. I'm at a stage in my life filled with many endings, but I struggle to catch sight on the 'new beginnings' that are meant to come with every ending. It feels like everyone is ready to let go of me.

In a way, it's ironic. Before, I felt like everyone was clinging onto me, practically begging me to stay alive and be by their side. I felt 'obligated' to refrain from self-destructive behaviors for their sakes. But, the situation has been completely flipped. I've been emotionally distanced from the people I care about, both for trying to support them and for wanting to be supported. I feel like such a moron for placing so much value in these people -- people that, if they truly loved me, wouldn't treat me this way. Yet, simultaneously, I recognize their worth and all of the joy they bring to the world. I just won't get to experience their light. If these wonderful people don't want me close... maybe it's a sign that the world at large doesn't need me.

Internally, I am ready to let go. My thoughts of self-harm have been near constant, and I'm always trying to connect every experience I have to self-destruction in one way or another. I can't stop imagining horrible things happening to me. When I'm driving, I internally beg some random stranger to run a red light and get me killed. When I walk down a dark hallway, I hope somebody shoots me straight through the skull. I desperately want my suffering to end; I just wish somebody would make it easier for me.

I try to force myself to smile. The curl of my lips feels so plastered and fake. It makes my skin crawl. I find it difficult to mimic the emotions and behaviors meant to draw people closer to me. I feel like the whole way I can get through life at this point is to lie. Lie about my feelings. Lie to my family and friends. Lie on my bed and wait to wither away.

I constantly feel exhausted. I'm so tired of being tired. I know that it's only going to get worse from here; the thought of which I dread. I'm not ready to tackle each passing day. I yearn for death, and nothing has been impactful enough to dislodge those thoughts from my mind. I want to let go.

 

[Guy Smiley]

Just saw this today. I think it's a sign.

 

[Red Moon]

Well yeah I'm autistic and my batteries are going down. I just don't care about anything anymore and that includes my hobbies and passions, little motivation and I think those are signs to ctb

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I only read the title. Yes, I felt like destiny is giving me hints since many years that CTB is what has to happen. Since my big failure a few years ago there were so many points in life when I could have had a turn around, a new base to build on, hope was growing that the misery is over. But each time that happened it only took days and never more than a month to destroy all hopes and everything again - pushing me at an even lower point in life.

When destiny has plan for you it's a curse and there is no way out and no escape except giving up and/or paying the tribute - in this case CTB. For now I gave up to resist and try to recover actively and everything settled at a very low level. I'm less suicidal but I'm also not happy and sometimes depressed and all that. I still would like CTB bc death is the only relief but I'm not pushed to it right now.

 

[lovedread]

in my life it seems EVERYTHING points me in that direction. majorly the fact that i can't fit into anything in this world and feel like an alien being probably the biggest. but i'm talking about trivial details, stuff you sometimes don't notice. i don't know if i'm hallucinating or if my brain is tricking me into thinking these things due to me delibarating on ctb 24/7 in my head, but i've been getting ''little signs'', which may be stupid for some people. like, if i read something regarding astrology (i'm not very into it but sometimes i read stuff abt it if it seems interesting) and if i read something like ''you should REMOVE YOURSELF from this situation, find what gives you peace, just GET OUT of it'' etc i'm like ''that's a sign! i should remove myself from life!!!'' lol

or if a GREAT SURPRISE happens and you feel extreme happiness and you say ''that's it, my life is made, i can go out in peace already... my dream already came true''

or too many unwanted events around the corner, like those annoying stupid family gatherings that you can't deny going or bday parties that makes ctb'ing even more attractive, you know? all of these seem like such great signs to me. or even something somebody might say, my mum yesterday said something like ''oh if you had had a child in your life blah blah'' technically i'm still alive and i'm a fertile 29 woman who can still have children i guess (which i definitely don't want to)? maybe she put it that way because she felt something is off with me, like i'm going to stop existing soon?

do you feel stuff like that or am i being delusional?

yes absolutely, feel like i get signs all the time. espescially now w my last friend ever dumping me

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I only read the title. Yes, I felt like destiny is giving me hints since many years that CTB is what has to happen. Since my big failure a few years ago there were so many points in life when I could have had a turn around, a new base to build on, hope was growing that the misery is over. But each time that happened it only took days and never more than a month to destroy all hopes and everything again - pushing me at an even lower point in life.

When destiny has plan for you it's a curse and there is no way out and no escape except giving up and/or paying the tribute - in this case CTB. For now I gave up to resist and try to recover actively and everything settled at a very low level. I'm less suicidal but I'm also not happy and sometimes depressed and all that. I still would like CTB bc death is the only relief but I'm not pushed to it right now.

Same, CTB seems like destiny. Maybe it doesn't happen this month, maybe not even this year, but eventually.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Same, CTB seems like destiny. Maybe it doesn't happen this month, maybe not even this year, but eventually.

Yeah! I fully relate to that!

 

[SomewhatLoved]

I think so yeah.

Recently I've been having a lot of problems with relationships, and it's felt like my career is the only thing "going right" anymore. Then found out that once I graduate post-secondary school it'll be near-impossible for me to get a job in my field for over a year because of some legal technicality surrounding my age.

 

[Silent_cries]

Yes, someone dm-ed me sn source, I think that a sign. Pls no asking who, it a secret ok?

Everytime things go no good I think it sign also. I think me feeling almost no thirst after almost no water for 3 days is a sign too bc that first time it ever happened to me. The other times I try I relapse alot and give up on day 5. This time I've had no problems.

I think my body is very ready to go, that makes me happy ^_^

 

[lnlybnny]

The 'signs' for CTB are definitely more mental rather than something concretely established as fact. Suicide largely deals with the mind and one's relationship with the world around them. I haven't felt like I had 'my place' in the world ever since I was a young child. I never fully integrated into any group that I was a part of. Even when I thought I meant something to other people, my perception of them was far higher than their perception of me. I don't value myself, and whatever accomplishments I have seem insignificant compared to everyone else's. Lately, I've been getting angrier at the entire world. I don't feel at peace, and I'm noticing all of the ways that I have been let down by the people that I love. I'm at a stage in my life filled with many endings, but I struggle to catch sight on the 'new beginnings' that are meant to come with every ending. It feels like everyone is ready to let go of me.

In a way, it's ironic. Before, I felt like everyone was clinging onto me, practically begging me to stay alive and be by their side. I felt 'obligated' to refrain from self-destructive behaviors for their sakes. But, the situation has been completely flipped. I've been emotionally distanced from the people I care about, both for trying to support them and for wanting to be supported. I feel like such a moron for placing so much value in these people -- people that, if they truly loved me, wouldn't treat me this way. Yet, simultaneously, I recognize their worth and all of the joy they bring to the world. I just won't get to experience their light. If these wonderful people don't want me close... maybe it's a sign that the world at large doesn't need me.

Internally, I am ready to let go. My thoughts of self-harm have been near constant, and I'm always trying to connect every experience I have to self-destruction in one way or another. I can't stop imagining horrible things happening to me. When I'm driving, I internally beg some random stranger to run a red light and get me killed. When I walk down a dark hallway, I hope somebody shoots me straight through the skull. I desperately want my suffering to end; I just wish somebody would make it easier for me.

I try to force myself to smile. The curl of my lips feels so plastered and fake. It makes my skin crawl. I find it difficult to mimic the emotions and behaviors meant to draw people closer to me. I feel like the whole way I can get through life at this point is to lie. Lie about my feelings. Lie to my family and friends. Lie on my bed and wait to wither away.

I constantly feel exhausted. I'm so tired of being tired. I know that it's only going to get worse from here; the thought of which I dread. I'm not ready to tackle each passing day. I yearn for death, and nothing has been impactful enough to dislodge those thoughts from my mind. I want to let go.

i relate so much to what you wrote, i feel it so very deeply in my heart

Same, CTB seems like destiny. Maybe it doesn't happen this month, maybe not even this year, but eventually.

i've been feeling more and more that this is what i should do

 

[marchshift]