Selfish to leave child behind ?

[JD8080]

I cannot go on another fucking day like this. I have a young child who is the one and only reason I am still here. I keep going back and forth as to wether or not to end my own agony only to let her live without me . But then again , her seeing me like this is hurting her too. I don't want to be alive another day I am loosing my mind and don't know what to do and cannot make the intense feeling to shoot myself go away

 

[Notmadeforthislife]

I have four young children. I want to ctb, but so far they are the main reason I'm still here. My wife is disabled and wouldn't be able to take care of them by herself. It's hard to leave when people here are depending on you. I can't tell you what to do, but so far I have stayed for my children. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I'm hurting too.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

This is so challenging. I think of a similar situation - parents who stay together "for the kids." Sometimes, growing up witnessing a toxic relationship has such a negative impact that it's better for the kids if the parents to divorce. There's no easy answer to this. On one hand, having a parent ctb can be extremely traumatic and could have lifelong consequences. On the other hand, growing up with a severely depressed parent can have similarly negative consequences.

If it were me, I would probably stay alive, and try to put on a good face for my kids. Suffer internally, but shield them from the negatives of my life. I know this would be incredibly challenging, but it would be my goal. But that's just me.

 

[JD8080]

Thanks for opening my eyes to the whole situation. I try so hard to not let her see me like this but we are so very close and she knows .. she said she can feel when I am not ok. She even asks me which as horrible as this may sound , that if I ever to CTB that I have to take her with me It's probably so horrible to hear me say that but that's how close we are. I keep telling myself to give my gun to someone to hold for me , that maybe this will pass , but it won't. My little brother took his life and I should have picked that gun up and shot myself before the police came. I have been struggling since he left. I don't want to live without him and I feel like I have done it for long enough. There is no help for me and I don't want help. This world is a horrible place. I know I have to stay because of my daughter but it's so fucking hard !!!!

 

[JD8080]

In case I forget , I appreciate you all being there for me because I have no one.

 

[Crazy Squirrel]

I would think that the death of a parent, especially by a method such as suicide, would be far more traumatic to a child than having a depressed parent, especially since you have a close relationship with your daughter. Besides, now that she is in this world and she didn't ask to be here, you owe it to her to stick around and care for her, imho.

 

[JD8080]

I smile and laugh with her as much as possible, she never questions my love for her or wants for anything , I am just worn completely down . We are together always except when I am at work . I live my entire life for her And have since the day she was born. It has always been just her and I and it will always be that way I just am so confused as to how I get this feeling to stop . All these years I have been able to make it go away and it just won't now .

 

[rhiino]

It is a very tough situation. Were you suicidal or struggling before your brother left or is that what caused all your urges to leave? How old were you when your brother left, roughly?

 

[Incorrigible77777]

In my case it's the opposite. My parents divorced when I was very young. My grandma left suddenly without saying a word. So I'm feel free to go.

 

[Sunshine]

I really wish mentally ill people would stop having children. Most psychiatric disorders are highly heritable, including depression. This kind of shit just keeps the cycle of suffering alive.

 

[Cherrypea]

I feel the only reason I'm still here is because I have an 8 year old. I can make peace with leaving everyone else including my adult daughter but the thought of her grieving holds me back. Sometimes I think I'll just wait until she's older but other times I'm tempted to go as it'd be best for her in the long term.
Also I'm guessing this is why mothers sometimes take their kids with them.

 

[XYZ]

I really wish mentally ill people would stop having children. Most psychiatric disorders are highly heritable, including depression. This kind of shit just keeps the cycle of suffering alive.

Your comment is disrespectful and off topic. I have to call you out because the OP is pouring their heart out about a tremendously difficult situation and you just want to assign blame and point your finger at them. Take your antinatalism somewhere else, this is not the right thread for it.

 

[bigdog]

growing up with a severely depressed parent can have similarly negative consequences.
I agree with this

 

[Sunshine]

Your comment is disrespectful and off topic. I have to call you out because the OP is pouring their heart out about a tremendously difficult situation and you just want to assign blame and point your finger at them. Take your antinatalism somewhere else, this is not the right thread for it.

It's not off topic. This is a huge issue that caused a lot of us to even show up here. People with mental illness making the choice to have children, and even now there's hardly no stigma about it. Everyone is encougared to have kids. And then it often ends up like this. Not only are people like us likely to pass on genetics for our mental illnesses, but ALSO are we likely to stress the child in some way (which also increases the % for mental illness, yet again) with our depression or potential suicide.

OP asked if it is selfish. And yeah, it very much is. Hard pill to swallow but nothing but facts.

 

[SoIntoYou]

I really wish mentally ill people would stop having children. Most psychiatric disorders are highly heritable, including depression. This kind of shit just keeps the cycle of suffering alive.

Do you really think most people with mental illnesses were born with it? Heh, no brother, the mental illness is collective, you know, systematic. I can guarantee you that you take most anybody and give them the same experiences, they break too. No, the problem is that having a child has become more of a financial decision than a compassionate one, ideally speaking. However, things aren't ideal and I do agree that, pragmatically, many people should not be having kids.

 

[Sunshine]

Do you really think most people with mental illnesses were born with it? Heh, no brother, the mental illness is collective, you know, systematic. I can guarantee you that you take most anybody and give them the same experiences, they break too. No, the problem is that having a child has become more of a financial decision than a compassionate one, ideally speaking. However, things aren't ideal and I do agree that, pragmatically, many people should not be having kids.

> Most psychiatric disorders are moderately to highly heritable.
> https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3800159/

Most doctors and scientists agree on this. Mental illness has often, not ALWAYS, but often a genetic link and is inherited by your parents. These are simple facts. Almost all people undergo hardship on this world because this world is a shithole. But people with better genetics have better defense mechanisms against it. So if you take a kid who has inherited "depressed" genetics and grew up around a depressed or bipolar parent, and you expose them to stress their chance to develop suicidal thoughts and prolonged suffering are much higher than a person who has NOT been born with it.

 

[SoIntoYou]

> Most psychiatric disorders are moderately to highly heritable.
> https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3800159/

Most doctors and scientists agree on this. Mental illness has often, not ALWAYS, but often a genetic link and is inherited by your parents. These are simple facts. Almost all people undergo hardship on this world because this world is a shithole. But people with better genetics have better defense mechanisms against it. So if you take a kid who has inherited "depressed" genetics and grew up around a depressed or bipolar parent, and you expose them to stress their chance to develop suicidal thoughts and prolonged suffering are much higher than a person who has NOT been born with it.

Let me ask you a question. Do you think genetics, things that are supposed to make us strong and resilient, but seem to now be making us weak and vulnerable are a bigger factor than the fact that there's a giant hydraulic press on everybody's throat nowadays? You said yourself that genetics make depression more likely meaning that it's a spectrum of vulnerability. There is no "depression gene". It's all a matter of degree. I think I was a little simple with my words, but I will rehash that MOST people are not born mentally ill, it is simple brought out in them. Now whose fault is that? I will also repeat that if you take pretty much any human being and put them through the same experiences, they all break, because which is the bigger factor? Food for thought.
I'd also like to point out that I'm half agreeing with the post you made, so you could just flip a coin before you decide if you think I'm just a stupid nobody or not?

 

[I screwed up]

I know its very diff to leave a child behind ... But sometimes there is no choice ...

 

[WatermelonMel]

I really wish mentally ill people would stop having children. Most psychiatric disorders are highly heritable, including depression. This kind of shit just keeps the cycle of suffering alive.

What you just said was not only incredibly disrespectful but wrong too, do you seriously think depression would be no more if mentally ill stopped having children? Depression will always exist.

Why not be supportive of the OP?

 

[Eren]

I have no children and never will, so I don't know what it feels like.

But my main reason to be here is my mother, I feel very guilty knowing that she will suffer for my death.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

 

[torimandy]

I really wish mentally ill people would stop having children. Most psychiatric disorders are highly heritable, including depression. This kind of shit just keeps the cycle of suffering alive.

I wish people would stop thinking wanting to kill yourself was a sign of mental illness It isn't and it is usually the asshole that stand in judgement like this who have the financial ability to make a difference, but withhold help so they can stand in judgement

 

[Sunshine]

Let me ask you a question. Do you think genetics, things that are supposed to make us strong and resilient, but seem to now be making us weak and vulnerable are a bigger factor than the fact that there's a giant hydraulic press on everybody's throat nowadays? You said yourself that genetics make depression more likely meaning that it's a spectrum of vulnerability. There is no "depression gene". It's all a matter of degree. I think I was a little simple with my words, but I will rehash that MOST people are not born mentally ill, it is simple brought out in them. Now whose fault is that? I will also repeat that if you take pretty much any human being and put them through the same experiences, they all break, because which is the bigger factor? Food for thought.
I'd also like to point out that I'm half agreeing with the post you made, so you could just flip a coin before you decide if you think I'm just a stupid nobody or not?

I really don't know what point you're trying to make. Depression is heritable. End of the story. Parents with mental illness are likely to pass it on. You can say it is brought out in them and to a degree that is correct, but you can not prevent stress. Stress is part of nature, it always was. If today or 1000 years ago:

"The whole earth, believe me [...] is cursed and polluted. A perpetual war is kindled amongst all living creatures. Necessity, hunger, want, stimulate the strong and courageous: Fear, anxiety, terror, agitate the weak and infirm. The first entrance into life gives anguish to the new-born infant and to its wretched parent: Weakness, impotence, distress, attend each stage of that life: and it is at last finished in agony and horror."

What you just said was not only incredibly disrespectful but wrong too, do you seriously think depression would be no more if mentally ill stopped having children? Depression will always exist.

Why not be supportive of the OP?

There would be a massive decline of mental illness if people with mental illness would stop breeding. Almost certainly because again, not my opinion but facts, most psychiatric disorders are moderately to highly heritable. This has shown in twin studies as well. Why should I be supportive of objectively selfish decision? I'd rather speak out, they asked after all. If I can stop anyone by reading this from having children and continue passing on the pain, that's good to me. At the end of the day it's their decision, I just add my views.

 

[XYZ]

View attachment 40971

Funny thing is they don't realize they're like Gulliver in the land of giants and their horse is really not much bigger than an ant. Giddy up, four-legged ant!

 

[Sunshine]

I wish people would stop thinking wanting to kill yourself was a sign of mental illness It isn't and it is usually the asshole that stand in judgement like this who have the financial ability to make a difference, but withhold help so they can stand in judgement

Most people who truly want to kill themselves (aside from severe illness or sudden trauma like a loss) suffer from psychiatric disorders. That's not a "judgement" just a fact.

View attachment 40971

And you thinking your opinion is the better one and mocking another person is not being on a high horse too?

The hypocrisy is amusing. :^)

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

And you thinking your opinion is the better one and mocking another person is not being on a high horse too?

The hypocrisy is amusing. :^)

 

[XYZ]

And you thinking your opinion is the better one and mocking another person is not being on a high horse too?

Ok, now you're making sense. What you wrote is just an opinion, not a fact. That I agree with.

 

[Sunshine]

View attachment 40975

Yeah, because it's called being a hypocrite and you're unable to provide any rational arguments so you have resort to silly pictures. Somehow your opinion is 100% true and worth telling, that's not being arrogant but if someone else does the same, it is.

Ok, now you're making sense. What you wrote is just an opinion, not a fact. That I agree with.

No, the mental illness being much less common if mentally ill people (including myself) would stop breeding is a fact. Because it's heritable and has been studied. Me saying that therefore people who suffer from these issues should stop breeding however is an opinion.

 

[SoIntoYou]

I really don't know what point you're trying to make. Depression is heritable. End of the story. Parents with mental illness are likely to pass it on. You can say it is brought out in them and to a degree that is correct, but you can not prevent stress. Stress is part of nature, it always was. If today or 1000 years ago

Oh man I'm going to love this. If you really want me to make the point I've been wanted to make this whole time, I will be happy to oblige. First of all, I'm glad you agree that the degree of vulnerability is a sliding scale spectrum. That means, brother, that you are also not exempt from this vulnerability. Since you also agree that stress is the catalyst, I'd like you to acknowledge that some people have it more than others. I am willing to bet that you, sir, have some stress in your life, but nearly as much as the person you insulted with your post. I think you have the LUXURY of looking down on people like this. Why? Because they are under more stress? Now come on, that's not nearly fair.
Second point. This website is a safe haven for people who are depressed, suicidal, or just want to help those who are. These people are the nicest people I have ever met on the internet. Because they know how hard life can be, they have a very developed sense of sympathy and empathy. When you walk the line between life and death, the small stuff seems to matter less. Now, I'm not going to assume that you're a completely entitled asshole based on one post, but I would like to remind you that if you aren't going to fit the mission of this website, I don't think you belong here. Stay or go, I don't care, but if you continue to be a toxic personality, as you can tell from the responses of others, you are not going to be met with open arms.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

So anyhow, OP, I'm sorry you're going through this struggle. I think you had a good idea about giving the gun to someone else, since the gun seems to be the focus. I don't know if the focus will then change, but to me it seems like the wisest possible decision at this time.