Selfish to leave child behind ?

[checkouttime]

All this anti-natalist talk is stupid here. I'm an anti-natalist and I'm saddened by procreation, but this is a suicide forum. Having a child may be morally bad but isn't chastising someone, who is suffering , for his/her irreversible actions, just as bad too?

yeah, like what's the point in putting someone down, who is already feeling low. me personally i don't give a fuck what someone says to me( and even more so on the internet), but other people may be hurt and vulnerable to this stuff. I don't see any need to be negative, why not just not say anything.i know what the answer is and i don't think i need to write it.

 

[Sunshine]

All this anti-natalist talk is stupid here. I'm an anti-natalist and I'm saddened by procreation, but this is a suicide forum. Having a child may be morally bad but isn't chastising someone, who is suffering , for his/her irreversible actions, just as bad too?

How is it stupid if clearly lots of people still are in denial about the genetic link of mental illness, which is what lead many of us here? How is it stupid of some people in this forum might have kids in the future once they feel a bit better? By this logic all the posts saying "life sucks, nothing is good, earth is shit" should also not be allowed cause it might make people who suffer feel even worse about being alive?

 

[Nature_is_God]

How is it stupid if clearly lots of people still are in denial about the genetic link of mental illness, which is what lead many of us here? How is it stupid of some people in this forum might have kids in the future once they feel a bit better? By this logic all the posts saying "life sucks, nothing is good, earth is shit" should also not be allowed cause it might make people who suffer feel even worse about being alive?

I get what you're saying about the genetic linkage of psychological disorders and this debate has been continuously invested with the "nature vs. nurture" argument. Personally, I'm more off a nurture believer in that I believe personal experience affect people more than genetics, although genetics undoubtedly have an affect. There are disorders that could definitely stem from heredity, like schizophrenia, but you can't tell me that other disorders, like anxiety disorders and depression, are strictly caused from your bloodline.

I get what you're saying, I agree with it, but I just disagree with how you chose to deliver it. There will undoubtedly be people on here that will make, or already have made, the abominable choice to extend the cycle of humanely suffering, by birthing a child; afterall, it's one of our only two purposes on Earth. You can share your anti-natalist opinions in less aggressive ways, on your own threads perhaps.

Finally, I don't correlate chastising someone with sharing introspective, negative thoughts about the world. Sure, both can cause negative consequences for readers, but the former is meant to affect someone directly.

 

[Emily_Numb]

1. The majority of mental illnesses are not passed on through genetics, apart from Schizophrenia.
2. Most depression is situational/trauma based and not chemical.
3. The word you are looking for is HEREDITARY.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

In a literal sense yes, it is selfish, but realistically your pain threshold is not limitless and you will hit a point where you can't go on. You clearly do care for your child for you to be asking this at all. It's up to you whether or not their happiness outweighs your desire to die. There is no right answer and ultimately your emotions will decide for you here.

 

[JD8080]

Is there anybody that can watch her for you for awhile?

No I have no one it's just me and her.

If you have a child, you must do everything possible you can to stay. Have you considered professional help? Even if you have to continue life as a drugged out zombie, that is better for your daughter than killing yourself. That act would haunt her for the rest of her life.

I have had many years of what professionals call "help" and that is to medicate me so I don't feel anything and am just here. Thank you though for your thoughts

It is a very tough situation. Were you suicidal or struggling before your brother left or is that what caused all your urges to leave? How old were you when your brother left, roughly?

I was struggling before but it is way worse and I was 30 when he left . He was 8 years younger then me so when he was born he was my baby. We were always together .. we had a bond that I cannot even explain., the same bond I have with my daughter

 

[Wayfaerer]

I didn't want to sound like you have to stay, and if you've done everything you could possibly do and you truly (and I mean truly!) believe that, then I think you can at least say you've honestly tried, and, that's all that really matters. At that point, you've done all that there is to have done. That. Is. All. That. Matters.

 

[Deardaddy]

It's the exact same feeling when your child ctb before you. So yes ,sry if it hurts.

In a literal sense yes, it is selfish, but realistically your pain threshold is not limitless and you will hit a point where you can't go on. You clearly do care for your child for you to be asking this at all. It's up to you whether or not their happiness outweighs your desire to die. There is no right answer and ultimately your emotions will decide for you here.

Yes no right answer. I have hit a point and yes I'm guilty of leaving the pain to others . I'm selfish I admit.

 

[Cherrypea]

I absolutely get it. Having children really complicates wanting to terminate your existence! Last week I was so torn. My kids went away with their dad and I was home alone and longing to ctb. It was the hardest week to manage. I was convinced it would be that week. Had my map to Beachy head downloaded and a disposable bbq in the boot in case I lost courage about the urge to jump... yet I'm still here. Might have had a bit of a slip up one night when I drank a bottle of codeine to make my head stop, but I know it is that part of me that is connected to my children that couldn't do it. I just kept imagining how hurt and abandoned they'd feel and who would love them as much as I do?? Now I am reluctantly having to reassess if maybe I could try for another couple of months and find a way to endure this hell. Maybe find a way to ctb that would appear accidental to ease up the sense of not being enough for my mother to stay alive. Omg. It's heartbreaking to be in this position. Sending my warmest thoughts and best wishes to you.

I feel the same xxx

 

[JD8080]

So anyhow, OP, I'm sorry you're going through this struggle. I think you had a good idea about giving the gun to someone else, since the gun seems to be the focus. I don't know if the focus will then change, but to me it seems like the wisest possible decision at this time.

Thank you for caring ❤ I feel as though posting my feelings was the first and last time I will ever on here. below is not directed at GoodPersonEffed.
To all the nasty people on here .. I didn't have a child to put her through pain . I didn't have a child to pass on depression to. Not one member of my family has or had depression. The word breeding is used for animals not humans. And not my child. Everyone's opinions are their own but, to come on here for people to start a war over a post with all this bullshit no one on here wants to hear.To make anyone feel worse when they are reaching out is pretty pathetic of anyone to do . Post your doctorates and then come at me or anyone else with all your "facts" everyone's lives are different we are all different but as humans we should never hurt each other on here or say anything that could make a suicidal person feel worse. For all the trolls on here , go find something else to do then fuck with us

 

[alexit]

I really don't know what point you're trying to make. Depression is heritable. End of the story. Parents with mental illness are likely to pass it on. You can say it is brought out in them and to a degree that is correct, but you can not prevent stress. Stress is part of nature, it always was. If today or 1000 years ago:

"The whole earth, believe me [...] is cursed and polluted. A perpetual war is kindled amongst all living creatures. Necessity, hunger, want, stimulate the strong and courageous: Fear, anxiety, terror, agitate the weak and infirm. The first entrance into life gives anguish to the new-born infant and to its wretched parent: Weakness, impotence, distress, attend each stage of that life: and it is at last finished in agony and horror."



There would be a massive decline of mental illness if people with mental illness would stop breeding. Almost certainly because again, not my opinion but facts, most psychiatric disorders are moderately to highly heritable. This has shown in twin studies as well. Why should I be supportive of objectively selfish decision? I'd rather speak out, they asked after all. If I can stop anyone by reading this from having children and continue passing on the pain, that's good to me. At the end of the day it's their decision, I just add my views.

I agree. My family has mental illness like how some families are musical.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Thank you for caring ❤ I feel as though posting my feelings was the first and last time I will ever on here. below is not directed at GoodPersonEffed.
To all the nasty people on here .. I didn't have a child to put her through pain . I didn't have a child to pass on depression to. Not one member of my family has or had depression. The word breeding is used for animals not humans. And not my child. Everyone's opinions are their own but, to come on here for people to start a war over a post with all this bullshit no one on here wants to here . To make anyone feel worse when they are reaching out is pretty pathetic of anyone to do . Post your doctorates and then come at me or anyone else with all your "facts" everyone's lives are different we are all different but as humans we should never hurt each other on here or say anything that could make a suicidal person feel worse. For all the trolls on here , go find something else to do them fuck with us

I feel like this post just got intentionally buried, so I'm quoting it to bump it.

 

[JD8080]

I feel like this post just got intentionally buried, so I'm quoting it to bump it.

Thank you so very much !!!

 

[Dreamless Sleep]

Thank you for caring ❤ I feel as though posting my feelings was the first and last time I will ever on here. below is not directed at GoodPersonEffed.
To all the nasty people on here .. I didn't have a child to put her through pain . I didn't have a child to pass on depression to. Not one member of my family has or had depression. The word breeding is used for animals not humans. And not my child. Everyone's opinions are their own but, to come on here for people to start a war over a post with all this bullshit no one on here wants to hear.To make anyone feel worse when they are reaching out is pretty pathetic of anyone to do . Post your doctorates and then come at me or anyone else with all your "facts" everyone's lives are different we are all different but as humans we should never hurt each other on here or say anything that could make a suicidal person feel worse. For all the trolls on here , go find something else to do then fuck with us

I'm sorry people decided to turn your request for help into a shit post. I understand your situation is different and your reason for wanting to ctb is brought on by tragedy, but...

I'm having a similar struggle to you. Except my daughter is an adult who also struggles with mental health issues and drug addiction that has made our relationship very difficult in the last 5 years... severely worsening my depression to the point where I went from casually thinking about death to actively looking up ways to ctb.

As it stands I have about 10% guilt of leaving her behind because I feel like shes trying to kill herself anyway (she tells me this all the time) and I dont want to be alive to see it happen.

I would give anything to have a close relationship with my daughter again. I dont think that would "fix" me, but it would ease a lot of the sadness in my life right now. And if she was healthy I would definitely feel guilty ctb and leaving that on her.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

Thank you so very much !!!

I'm sorry your post was hijacked by certain members. You aren't alone though. There's a lot of us here who feel your dilemma and have the same anxieties. If you ever want to chat feel free to DM me. I'm not particularly wise or have much good advice but I do get it and am good at listening without being judgemental

 

[Deathbydemo]

As much as I can't believe I'm saying this, I will be leaving my little boy behind too. He's 10, and my whole life but I literally can't live like this anymore. It's better for him if I go.

 

[checkouttime]

Thank you for caring ❤ I feel as though posting my feelings was the first and last time I will ever on here. below is not directed at GoodPersonEffed.
To all the nasty people on here .. I didn't have a child to put her through pain . I didn't have a child to pass on depression to. Not one member of my family has or had depression. The word breeding is used for animals not humans. And not my child. Everyone's opinions are their own but, to come on here for people to start a war over a post with all this bullshit no one on here wants to hear.To make anyone feel worse when they are reaching out is pretty pathetic of anyone to do . Post your doctorates and then come at me or anyone else with all your "facts" everyone's lives are different we are all different but as humans we should never hurt each other on here or say anything that could make a suicidal person feel worse. For all the trolls on here , go find something else to do then fuck with us

don't let the posts of a mindless few put you off posting again. there are plenty of people that will want to help, if you need to talk etc. there's always the block button!!!!

 

[Sunshine]

Thank you for caring ❤ I feel as though posting my feelings was the first and last time I will ever on here. below is not directed at GoodPersonEffed.
To all the nasty people on here .. I didn't have a child to put her through pain . I didn't have a child to pass on depression to. Not one member of my family has or had depression. The word breeding is used for animals not humans. And not my child. Everyone's opinions are their own but, to come on here for people to start a war over a post with all this bullshit no one on here wants to hear.To make anyone feel worse when they are reaching out is pretty pathetic of anyone to do . Post your doctorates and then come at me or anyone else with all your "facts" everyone's lives are different we are all different but as humans we should never hurt each other on here or say anything that could make a suicidal person feel worse. For all the trolls on here , go find something else to do then fuck with us

Oh, and humans aren't animals or what? We are primates. Literally animals.

You're actually ridiculous for calling people with different opinions trolls. And not even opinions at this point, but PEER-REVIEWED STUDIES and SCIENTIFIC FACTS... but this is how life goes. If anyone has a slightly critical opinion, and doesn't just offer extreme hug boxing and "Ow I'm so sorry!" for everything they are an insane troll, right? I don't regret speaking up at all, because clearly there are many people still in denial about the correlation of mental illness and its heredity.

You saying no one in your family is mentally ill (as far as you know, that is) isn't an argument. It doesn't change a single fact about anything what I said. That's like saying "Uhhh I smoked tons of cigarettes and never got cancer! That proves that cigarettes are not dangerous!" like get a grip, please. You guys should learn how to have discussions and debate without resorting to crying and making it all about poor me and personal attacks. We're adults.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

Oh, and humans aren't animals or what? We are primates. Literally animals.

You're actually ridiculous for calling people with different opinions trolls. And not even opinions at this point, but PEER-REVIEWED STUDIES and SCIENTIFIC FACTS... but this is how life goes. If anyone has a slightly critical opinion, and doesn't just offer extreme hug boxing and "Ow I'm so sorry!" for everything they are an insane troll, right? I don't regret speaking up at all, because clearly there are many people still in denial about the correlation of mental illness and its heredity.

You saying no one in your family is mentally ill (as far as you know, that is) isn't an argument. It doesn't change a single fact about anything what I said. That's like saying "Uhhh I smoked tons of cigarettes and never got cancer! That proves that cigarettes are not dangerous!" like get a grip, please. You guys should learn how to have discussions and debate without resorting to crying and making it all about poor me and personal attacks. We're adults.

OMG. The poor woman was seeking support about whether or her suicide was better or worse for her child who is already here!! She wasn't asking whether she could have had a child in the first place! She wasn't asking for judgement... of course you can turn it round... start slagging her off for having a child but for what purpose?? She already feel horrible a little herself and your judgemental comments are obviously just going to make her feel worse. Why not start a threat of your own about mental health and having children rather that turn her post, which was clearly a plea for support, into a debate about whether or not she is wrong to have had a child! Also... depressed people ARE more likely than the average person gonna find criticism hard to bear. Echoing their own inner demons about not being good enough. People who already clearly feel guilt and despair are going to feel your harsh words like a knife if the wounds that are already there. It's just cruel and unnecessary. I'm so happy for you for being so think skinned but a lot of people who are suffering are not! A lot of people on here have empathy and compassion because they are already in pain and don't want to make someone else's worse. Sadly not everyone
Sorry. Terrible wording and grammar! Just feel passionately about supporting people NOT trying to make them feel worse!

 

[TAW122]

This is a very personal decision for you as well as CTB, and personally, my take on this is that if you have kids, it is important to ensure that there are arrangements to have them taken care of before you decide to CTB. I'm not going with the popular selfish argument that "if you have kids, you owe it to them to live as long as possible, even if you suffer", I simply don't agree with that.

It certainly does make things more difficult when you have dependents who rely on you, but the most important things are to be at peace with yourself and also to find some arrangement for your children so that when you are gone, they won't have to suffer losing a parent when they are very young. This is just my two cents.

 

[sapegato95]

Yes please don't leave your child
Yes please don't leave your child

 

[LittleJem]

OP how long has it been since you lost your brother? Are you grieving? Could you give that a bit more time before making any decisions? If you remember times that were better, they might come back again? I wish CTB was more understood and acceptable, then maybe people could understand more - including in future, the children of those who decide to go. From what I have read, it can be genetic, the desire to CTB, and is definitely physiological - it's no-one's fault.

 

[Élégie]

@JD8080 How old is your daughter?

The priority right now should be to make sure your child is safe. I think it is your responsibility to find a place where she could stay and be taken care of if anything were to happen to you. I also agree with @thrw_a_way1221221 ; you have to make arrangements before doing anything irreversible.

 

[FallingFree]

I cannot go on another fucking day like this. I have a young child who is the one and only reason I am still here. I keep going back and forth as to wether or not to end my own agony only to let her live without me . But then again , her seeing me like this is hurting her too. I don't want to be alive another day I am loosing my mind and don't know what to do and cannot make the intense feeling to shoot myself go away

It will hurt your child so much to lose you, it also isn't right to take her with you. I think you should stay for her because she truly needs you and loves you. It would completely break her to see you go.

 

[MsMaudlin]

As much as I can't believe I'm saying this, I will be leaving my little boy behind too. He's 10, and my whole life but I literally can't live like this anymore. It's better for him if I go.

Similar here, it breaks my heart just thinking about it.
❤

 

[Blue LIPS]

It sure is. Why I'm here.

And I wouldn't say you're wanting to take her with you... to me that's worse than everyone jumping @Sunshine

You literally can't have a "controversial" opinion here... "just another troll" aka easy excuse to dismiss.

 

[Deformationalplagio]

I would think that the death of a parent, especially by a method such as suicide, would be far more traumatic to a child than having a depressed parent, especially since you have a close relationship with your daughter. Besides, now that she is in this world and she didn't ask to be here, you owe it to her to stick around and care for her, imho.

My mother was depressed and she really fuckt my life up because of it. Not that i wished her death by any means but i defnitly shouldn't had to be raised by her i almost never got food and she deformed me and beated the shit out of me

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

If "leaving a child behind" means leave them when mother decides to die, it does seem selfish. I think if you once chose to have a kid (therefore made that choice for them), you are automatically responsible for them. So maybe if you're suicidal at least try to get help, try to do your best to get better, try to make sure that somebody will take care of your child, try to wait until they're at least 18 or something. Try to hang on as long as you can for them.

 

[MsMaudlin]

Obviously if you CTB your child will be devastated, but is it better for them than to live with a depressed mother in the long run?

I'm in an identical position myself
Please feel free to inbox me.

❤

 

[checkouttime]

Oh, and humans aren't animals or what? We are primates. Literally animals.

You're actually ridiculous for calling people with different opinions trolls. And not even opinions at this point, but PEER-REVIEWED STUDIES and SCIENTIFIC FACTS... but this is how life goes. If anyone has a slightly critical opinion, and doesn't just offer extreme hug boxing and "Ow I'm so sorry!" for everything they are an insane troll, right? I don't regret speaking up at all, because clearly there are many people still in denial about the correlation of mental illness and its heredity.

You saying no one in your family is mentally ill (as far as you know, that is) isn't an argument. It doesn't change a single fact about anything what I said. That's like saying "Uhhh I smoked tons of cigarettes and never got cancer! That proves that cigarettes are not dangerous!" like get a grip, please. You guys should learn how to have discussions and debate without resorting to crying and making it all about poor me and personal attacks. We're adults.

OK so 'were adults'. maybe then you shouldn't just judge, or assume things about a person that you know nothing about. she asked a simple question, which your reply was nothing to do with, it was just to' have a go'.