Self improvement is a complete scam.

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I've been told i just needed to loose some weight and i'd find a girlfriend in no time, it's really just that one thing !
So i did, and now people constantly annoy me with trans stuff since i look highly effiminate at a healthy weight.

I've been told that actually, if i want someone to love me, i'd have to fix my actual biggest flaw, my agressivity ! So I did, im now known for being a paragon of patience seemingly incapable of anything close to anger. All it ever did for me is that people see it as weakness and annoy me with self confidence stuff.

I've been told that i just needed better hobbies, no one wants to dumb looser who's only a gamer ! So i did... and everytime ,whatever new thing i find is equally as worthless and stupid and needs to be changed. Or im just called an autist and treated as such.

I've been told i just needed to go out, do volunteering or something ! So i did... years of doing various groups, sports, volunteering, etc, later never met a single person there, not a single friend, nothing, no one cares about me.

I've been told it's just that i dont dress well, just a bit of style and i'll attract all the attention ! So i did... people whined and whined until i just said fuck you and became a goth, now i just get treated like shit, but for different reasons. Innnn adition of constantly being annoyed by random weirdos who want to try and hit on what they think is a goth chick or whatever.

Anyways, has any of this nonsense ever worked for everyone and i'm somehow uniquely unlovable and worthless, or it's just... stupid bullshit people tell you to do in the hopes you'll fuck off and take a looooooong time to get it done so they dont have to talk to you. No one i know ever actually did any of that and they have all they want. The guy i started loosing weight with gave up after like a month, but he got hailed as a hero for trying and got a hot gf, whilst i just get 12 years of being annoyed with gay stuff. My step brother is a junkie piece of shit, always in relationships, guy can't even be fucked to shower but apparently that's ok if it's him.

TLDR: REEEEEEEEEE

 

[divinemistress87]

People will always cast judgement it never ends but those that do are insecure themselves

 

[ma0]

People will always find something wrong with you, and if not immediately, then they'll try to find something, anything to complain about.

You can never be perfect, and you can't please everyone. Some people just want as much power as they can possibly obtain.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

They're at a point where they've ran out of things to complain about and just go on a loop and tell me i should try going to the gym and do volunteering.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

People are always going to be judgemental and there's no changing that. You may as well just do shit for yourself rather than try to improve for the sake of gaining acceptance from others.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Yeah but like, the only thing i want for myself is to no longer be unwanted trash, which is why i bothered doing dumb shit in the first place lol

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah but like, the only thing i want for myself is to no longer be unwanted trash, which is why i bothered doing dumb shit in the first place lol

I understand desiring having others want you but if don't want you for you then what's the point?

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I understand desiring having others want you but if don't want you for you then what's the point?

All the ''self'' stuff make no sense to me lol

 

[ma0]

All the ''self'' stuff make no sense to me lol

I guess what it means is how far are you really willing to go to please these idiots who don't actually care about you as an individual? At some point you have to choose your own mental wellbeing over the meaningless approval of someone.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I guess what it means is how far are you really willing to go to please these idiots who don't actually care about you as an individual? At some point you have to choose your own mental wellbeing over the meaningless approval of someone.

It's more than it literally means nothing to me, i don't really have a sense of self in general. I dont even care if people are pleased, im kinda just doing whatever i was told would help, since none of it makes sense.

 

[slinkey10]

I've been told i just needed to loose some weight and i'd find a girlfriend in no time, it's really just that one thing !
So i did, and now people constantly annoy me with trans stuff since i look highly effiminate at a healthy weight.

I've been told that actually, if i want someone to love me, i'd have to fix my actual biggest flaw, my agressivity ! So I did, im now known for being a paragon of patience seemingly incapable of anything close to anger. All it ever did for me is that people see it as weakness and annoy me with self confidence stuff.

I've been told that i just needed better hobbies, no one wants to dumb looser who's only a gamer ! So i did... and everytime ,whatever new thing i find is equally as worthless and stupid and needs to be changed. Or im just called an autist and treated as such.

I've been told i just needed to go out, do volunteering or something ! So i did... years of doing various groups, sports, volunteering, etc, later never met a single person there, not a single friend, nothing, no one cares about me.

I've been told it's just that i dont dress well, just a bit of style and i'll attract all the attention ! So i did... people whined and whined until i just said fuck you and became a goth, now i just get treated like shit, but for different reasons. Innnn adition of constantly being annoyed by random weirdos who want to try and hit on what they think is a goth chick or whatever.

Anyways, has any of this nonsense ever worked for everyone and i'm somehow uniquely unlovable and worthless, or it's just... stupid bullshit people tell you to do in the hopes you'll fuck off and take a looooooong time to get it done so they dont have to talk to you. No one i know ever actually did any of that and they have all they want. The guy i started loosing weight with gave up after like a month, but he got hailed as a hero for trying and got a hot gf, whilst i just get 12 years of being annoyed with gay stuff. My step brother is a junkie piece of shit, always in relationships, guy can't even be fucked to shower but apparently that's ok if it's him.

TLDR: REEEEEEEEEE

the world is fukd, its external , its not you - dont fall into the trap. Its the hamster wheel on repeat and its all your fault if you're not happy, sucsessfull etc etc its bs :)
cliche alert - just try & be yourself, I know easier said than done! dont give up :)

 

[EvisceratedJester]

All the ''self'' stuff make no sense to me lol

Wdym?

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

All the ''self'' stuff make no sense to me lol

it was never suppose to be about us... it's about them casting 'self' on us, so we can feel reliable to use it as they get richer from their selfish greedy selves (don't you just that when we are the selfish ones?)

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Wdym?

Like, when people keep talking about acceptance, loving themselves, taking care of themselves, and other stuff, it means literally nothing to me. My colleague was looking at himself in the mirror being happy it ''made him feel like he's good looking'' and it makes no sense to me.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I guess what it means is how far are you really willing to go to please these idiots who don't actually care about you as an individual? At some point you have to choose your own mental wellbeing over the meaningless approval of someone.

All advice when it comes to attributing thought with character has no actual means of working, as people aren't gimmicks. They are characteristics of life that shouldn't need fixing, just growth by their own attributes once supported... yet that's hard for these businesses to get and place us under one box.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

it was never suppose to be about us... it's about them casting 'self' on us, so we can feel reliable to use it as they get richer from their selfish greedy selves (don't you just that when we are the selfish ones?)

They often weirdly enough end up seeing me as ''them'' and trying to use me for weird wacky political stuff

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

They often weirdly enough end up seeing me as ''them'' and trying to use me for weird wacky political stuff

I really hate therapists who do this. I'm so sorry I equally know the pain and just know you have our support. <3

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I really hate therapists who do this. I'm so sorry I equally know the pain and just know you have our support. <3

It's like, everyone does it though lol, not even just the therapist. I'm a blank canvas to them somehow.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Like, when people keep talking about acceptance, loving themselves, taking care of themselves, and other stuff, it means literally nothing to me. My colleague was looking at himself in the mirror being happy it ''made him feel like he's good looking'' and it makes no sense to me.

I get it. I don't like myself too much and the only times in which I've ever felt any sort of love for myself have only occurred while high on shrooms. I hated myself throughout most of my life and while I still don't like myself that hatred has at least died down a bit.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I get it. I don't like myself too much and the only times in which I've ever felt any sort of love for myself have only occurred while high on shrooms. I hated myself throughout most of my life and while I still don't like myself that hatred has at least died down a bit.

I don't even hate myself being the thing, it's like, more like if you'd ask an AI what he thinks of itself

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

It's like, everyone does it though lol, not even just the therapist. I'm a blank canvas to them somehow.

Oh no, I hope you aren't being wrongfully treated like this. Talk whenever you need, as I get it. Also, the wrong therapists does this to us when they don't have help improve

 

[divinemistress87]

I get it. I don't like myself too much and the only times in which I've ever felt any sort of love for myself have only occurred while high on shrooms. I hated myself throughout most of my life and while I still don't like myself that hatred has at least died down a bit.

Oh how was that experience?

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Oh no, I hope you aren't being wrongfully treated like this. Talk whenever you need, as I get it. Also, the wrong therapists does this to us when they don't have help improve

My last therapist wasted 2 PAID sessions asking weird sex questions lol. Anything but helping me i guess.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

My last therapist wasted 2 PAID sessions asking weird sex questions lol. Anything but helping me i guess.

I'm debating using either hug, aww, or angry emoji, but I'm gonna do a thanos (squid game) as im so angry for you!! You should've reported them, omg!! I hope if anything you leave those types of therapists and your current one if they are equally treated you with such disrespect :(( im so sorry this world is like this and so difficult

please talk to anyone of us who won't treat you like this, that's so wrong, omg

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I'm debating using either hug, aww, or angry emoji, but I'm gonna do a thanos (squid game) as im so angry for you!! You should've reported them, omg!! I hope if anything you leave those types of therapists and your current one if they are equally treated you with such disrespect :(( im so sorry this world is like this and so difficult

please talk to anyone of us who won't treat you like this, that's so wrong, omg

I kinda just gave up in general when it comes to any proffesional help. At least she's not like the guy who non ironically recommended i do the following: Self medicate with nyquill/alcool, bang hookers, get full sleeve tattoos.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I kinda just gave up in general when it comes to any proffesional help. At least she's not like the guy who non ironically recommended i do the following: Self medicate with nyquill/alcool, bang hookers, get full sleeve tattoos.

I get why you would, I equally left all medical and 'professional' help, as they just are a waste of time, patience, actual resources, and mental energy. You know what is truly helpful than what that perv 'therapist' shared, reading, writing, doing what you love, learning a new skill, language, listening to your favorite person, watching movies, creating a safe space, love, something you feel determined in, and just... go with the flow. That's awful advice, and don't know how that is a therapist. Just a creep... I'm so sorry

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I get why you would, I equally left all medical and 'professional' help, as they just are a waste of time, patience, actual resources, and mental energy. You know what is truly helpful than what that perv 'therapist' shared, reading, writing, doing what you love, learning a new skill, language, listening to your favorite person, watching movies, creating a safe space, love, something you feel determined in, and just... go with the flow. That's awful advice, and don't know how that is a therapist. Just a creep... I'm so sorry

Can't really do any of that, for I have become, anhedonia incarnate lol

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Oh how was that experience?

It was alright. It's not like I was completely in love with myself or whatever, I just found myself accepting myself for who I am and acknowledging my good aspects. Nothing special, especially when compared to the other shit that comes your way while tripping.

 

[divinemistress87]

It was alright. It's not like I was completely in love with myself or whatever, I just found myself accepting myself for who I am and acknowledging my good aspects. Nothing special, especially when compared to the other shit that comes your way while tripping.

I feel like everyone should do psychadelics at least once in their life

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel like everyone should do psychadelics at least once in their life

Agreed (of course, not including those who are predisposed to psychosis)