Self improvement is a complete scam.

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Can't really do any of that, for I have become, anhedonia incarnate lol

I honestly understand numbness... I think all we can do is take it slowly at a time and that's so hard for me usually :<

 

[Hollowman]

I don't have much of a sense of self either, it's ruined almost everything. Anhedonia's a bitch too, hopefully you'll figure it out. I don't think I ever will.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I don't have much of a sense of self either, it's ruined almost everything. Anhedonia's a bitch too, hopefully you'll figure it out. I don't think I ever will.

I have higher odds of going full joker than figuring any of their nonsense out lol

 

[Hollowman]

I have higher odds of going full joker than figuring any of their nonsense out lol

I meant figuring it out by yourself, fuck the "professionals"

 

[blackpillhopeless]

After years of self improvement I have also realised that it is a scam. For context I am a man and have always been rejected by the women I wanted my whole life and sought to improve my situation in this area.

For years I got brainwashed by self improvement books, Jordan Peterson, Hamza videos, 1stman videos etc. After years of self improvement, I have an amazing physique, improved my career situation massively by getting maths degree from a top university in my country, and worked hard to socialise and meet women.

All of this has done absolutely nothing to make me more attractive to women, and I now realise the black pill was right all along. My face is simply too ugly, and autism causes my personality to be too unattractive no matter how much I talk to women to try to improve my social skills. This whole life is just a genetic lottery, hard work and your personality (outside of neurotypicality which is genetic like the face) doesn't matter at all, at least when it comes to dating.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess they say all of that stuff to improve our odds of attracting someone. Sadly though, it's like anything in life I suppose. You can pay shit loads and study really hard to get yourself a very good degree from somewhere ruputable. Doesn't mean you'll land the job you always wanted. You may end up never working in the field you studied. I've known people with doctorate's doing retail work!

It's just that it ups your chances I suppose- in theory... I imagine the bigger issue is giving yourself enough chances to meet people. I'm assuming you are doing that?

Sometimes I wonder if it's because people haven't found the right type of people. Not that there's something massively wrong with them but that the people they tend to go for tend not to be interested in return.

I think people suggest hobbies/ clubs because a shared interest/ passion means you can connect strongly around that at least. Plus, meet them doing those things I guess.

Did it make you happier in yourself to lose weight, dress better, have interests? I went through the whole: trying to impress a guy via losing weight and working on my appearance. It gave me more confidence to just live in this world. People treat you very differently I found. My mental state was so messed up though! Obsessive, full of longing. I'm much happier to be rid of all that- if I'm honest. Finally by my mid 30's, I became pretty ok with being single. Even that it was probably better for me. That's not to say that happens for everyone though.

I'm sorry you've put so much effort in to not be successful. I can completely understand your frustration. Especially when it's worded such that you just need a few tweaks here and there and, you'll become irresistable. I hope you do get your wish though.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I guess they say all of that stuff to improve our odds of attracting someone. Sadly though, it's like anything in life I suppose. You can pay shit loads and study really hard to get yourself a very good degree from somewhere ruputable. Doesn't mean you'll land the job you always wanted. You may end up never working in the field you studied. I've known people with doctorate's doing retail work!

It's just that it ups your chances I suppose- in theory... I imagine the bigger issue is giving yourself enough chances to meet people. I'm assuming you are doing that?

Sometimes I wonder if it's because people haven't found the right type of people. Not that there's something massively wrong with them but that the people they tend to go for tend not to be interested in return.

I think people suggest hobbies/ clubs because a shared interest/ passion means you can connect strongly around that at least. Plus, meet them doing those things I guess.

Did it make you happier in yourself to lose weight, dress better, have interests? I went through the whole: trying to impress a guy via losing weight and working on my appearance. It gave me more confidence to just live in this world. People treat you very differently I found. My mental state was so messed up though! Obsessive, full of longing. I'm much happier to be rid of all that- if I'm honest. Finally by my mid 30's, I became pretty ok with being single. Even that it was probably better for me. That's not to say that happens for everyone though.

I'm sorry you've put so much effort in to not be successful. I can completely understand your frustration. Especially when it's worded such that you just need a few tweaks here and there and, you'll become irresistable. I hope you do get your wish though.

It only made my life infinitely worse since all it ended up teaching me is that nothing I do, no matter how hard I try, matters lol. Annnnnnnd also left me with some sort of OCD-Eating Disorder thing that's been a massive pain.

 

[loneloser]

All I'm gonna say is that they're superficial pieces of shits.
I hate people who say simple shit to me like, "Just go to the gym bro you'll become happier" when I can't even find the energy or courage to get out of my bed.

I've given up on clothing style, hair styles, whatever. None of it matters to me anymore and if people judge, fuck them because I could care even less.

 

[L'absent]

You're fine just the way you are, there's nothing to fix. Things are as they are. Don't force anything, not even relationships.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Being alone literally all the time, forever, sucks massive balls though

 

[reignerreigns]

I've been told i just needed to loose some weight and i'd find a girlfriend in no time, it's really just that one thing !
So i did, and now people constantly annoy me with trans stuff since i look highly effiminate at a healthy weight.

I've been told that actually, if i want someone to love me, i'd have to fix my actual biggest flaw, my agressivity ! So I did, im now known for being a paragon of patience seemingly incapable of anything close to anger. All it ever did for me is that people see it as weakness and annoy me with self confidence stuff.

I've been told that i just needed better hobbies, no one wants to dumb looser who's only a gamer ! So i did... and everytime ,whatever new thing i find is equally as worthless and stupid and needs to be changed. Or im just called an autist and treated as such.

I've been told i just needed to go out, do volunteering or something ! So i did... years of doing various groups, sports, volunteering, etc, later never met a single person there, not a single friend, nothing, no one cares about me.

I've been told it's just that i dont dress well, just a bit of style and i'll attract all the attention ! So i did... people whined and whined until i just said fuck you and became a goth, now i just get treated like shit, but for different reasons. Innnn adition of constantly being annoyed by random weirdos who want to try and hit on what they think is a goth chick or whatever.

Anyways, has any of this nonsense ever worked for everyone and i'm somehow uniquely unlovable and worthless, or it's just... stupid bullshit people tell you to do in the hopes you'll fuck off and take a looooooong time to get it done so they dont have to talk to you. No one i know ever actually did any of that and they have all they want. The guy i started loosing weight with gave up after like a month, but he got hailed as a hero for trying and got a hot gf, whilst i just get 12 years of being annoyed with gay stuff. My step brother is a junkie piece of shit, always in relationships, guy can't even be fucked to shower but apparently that's ok if it's him.

TLDR: REEEEEEEEEE

Man...this hits so hard, im in the phase of "go meet people around, go volunteering". I genuinely dont understand whats wrong with me, yesterday i was told maybe im autist and thought maybe that was the reason ive never been in a relationship, cause im introverted...and guess what? Ive left my comfort zone several times, it got me nowhere, women want the incel that treats them like shit and i wish i were the guy that cheats, mistreats them, thats nothing but bullshit...just to be liked, included and loved. Im positive of who i am, my sexuality and yet every aspect of my life is frustrated, every single one

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Man...this hits so hard, im in the phase of "go meet people around, go volunteering". I genuinely dont understand whats wrong with me, yesterday i was told maybe im autist and thought maybe that was the reason ive never been in a relationship, cause im introverted...and guess what? Ive left my comfort zone several times, it got me nowhere, women want the incel that treats them like shit and i wish i were the guy that cheats, mistreats them, thats nothing but bullshit...just to be liked, included and loved. Im positive of who i am, my sexuality and yet every aspect of my life is frustrated, every single one

The concept of comfort zone is also lowkey just a scam to get people to do dumb useless stuff they dont want to like volunteering lol. It's not ''useless'' it's... getting you out of your comfort zone and that's good because uh... less thinking, more obeying !
At this point im pretty actively being a psycopath will help more with women lol, i keep seeing fat, ugly, poorly dressed, ungroomed bastards with decent women.

 

[nembutaldream]

Anyways, has any of this nonsense ever worked for everyone and i'm somehow uniquely unlovable and worthless, or it's just... stupid bullshit people tell you to do in the hopes you'll fuck off and take a looooooong time to get it done so they dont have to talk to you. No one i know ever actually did any of that and they have all they want.

This is SO fucking true. I think it is just meaningless hw so they can feel better about "helping you" while just prolonging your suffering. Meanwhile they don't have to do jack shit because they were born with all kinds of privileges or straight up luck that they're not aware of.

The concept of comfort zone is also lowkey just a scam to get people to do dumb useless stuff they dont want to like volunteering lol. It's not ''useless'' it's... getting you out of your comfort zone and that's good because uh... less thinking, more obeying !

Yeah this is so true; all of this advice is always some version of conforming to being a hamster that serves the oppressors of society.

 

[OnlyOutcastsMourn]

Would you consider yourself physically attractive? One of the biggest lies you will ever be told is that it doesn't matter. If you are not even somewhat conventionally attractive, you will have an extremely hard time of it. People who are not ugly simply cannot comprehend how much of a limiter that is to making friendships, let alone intimate relationships.

If you are autistic, you will have great difficulty as well, it can make you difficult to be around and understand.

It all comes down to the reality that all relationships are transactional, at a subconscious level we all seek others by what they offer, and you seek to make a profit. You need to be happy, successful, attractive, energetic, funny, fun to be around in general, or someone to have sex with

That's one of the main reasons why depression is so isolating, you are putting up a big sign that you will cost more than you give back.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Would you consider yourself physically attractive? One of the biggest lies you will ever be told is that it doesn't matter. If you are not even somewhat conventionally attractive, you will have an extremely hard time of it. People who are not ugly simply cannot comprehend how much of a limiter that is to making friendships, let alone intimate relationships.

If you are autistic, you will have great difficulty as well, it can make you difficult to be around and understand.

It all comes down to the reality that all relationships are transactional, at a subconscious level we all seek others by what they offer, and you seek to make a profit. You need to be happy, successful, attractive, energetic, funny, fun to be around in general, or someone to have sex with

That's one of the main reasons why depression is so isolating, you are putting up a big sign that you will cost more than you give back.

I'd say decent looking, with a weird (but fairly fit) build, and *very* fashionable lol. In theory, no one can tell im depressed just by talking to me though.

 

[Eternal Illusions]

It's hard to fully critique your situation without really getting into the details. But I can say self development does work for some people at least somewhat. I used it and it helped me get out of a hole I had dug myself into mentally. I used some of the pick up lines with my GF 4 years ago and we are still together and she still comments on that pick up line I used. She asked if she could kiss me and I paused like 7 seconds then responded "sure". But that pause felt forever for her, she was scared I would say no, and when I paused so long she thought I was going to say no. But then I said sure and it increased attraction. I only paused because I understood the theory of seduction and attraction which is a subsection of self development. When she asked me "how many times have I had sex?" I said something like. "I lost track it's either 359K or 359k I forget." She still mentions that once and a while too. LOL And that was something I learned years before I meet her. But I know not everyone has a good memory like that. Perhaps you should try seduction instead of just self development. It sounds like you want a partner and seduction is self development tailored to helping you find a partner. Which is what you really want, I think.

Self developments greatest benefit was for me untangling the knots I put myself into being from a fundamentalist Christian family home.

 

[anagram]

Self improvement aka self help is only valid in the context of building up momentum and energy to commit suicide. I've realised this recently lol. Suicide takes work no matter what and you can't do it in a rut. Self help is meant to inspire you to get out of a rut

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I relate to this whole scenario. Generally 'ok' (i.e not drawing attention to myself good or bad) bumbling along but don't value myself in any way so generally only function off external motivators and nothing overly excites me.

It was when friends/society started the 'you be you' and 'safe space' and 'be authentic' type chat came around times just before and through covid that really spun me out - made me question and doubt so much. I don't have an identity. Should I? Which then puts pressure on aforementioned hobbies/interests and general confusion. But overall overwhelm with not knowing what I'm trying to achieve or why. Should I force stuff. Isolate from being close to people and get back to bumbling along surviving life seems to be my best option. Fraudulant identities emerge that don't feel real to me but I guess are a product of my weird habits like gymming lots as a distraction and to calm me but not what I'd describe 'a passion' more a necessity for me. Not what society means though. Confusing and frustrating.

Sorry if this isn't what you are meaning/I mis interpreted your experiences. It sounds rough for sure.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

It's hard to fully critique your situation without really getting into the details. But I can say self development does work for some people at least somewhat. I used it and it helped me get out of a hole I had dug myself into mentally. I used some of the pick up lines with my GF 4 years ago and we are still together and she still comments on that pick up line I used. She asked if she could kiss me and I paused like 7 seconds then responded "sure". But that pause felt forever for her, she was scared I would say no, and when I paused so long she thought I was going to say no. But then I said sure and it increased attraction. I only paused because I understood the theory of seduction and attraction which is a subsection of self development. When she asked me "how many times have I had sex?" I said something like. "I lost track it's either 359K or 359k I forget." She still mentions that once and a while too. LOL And that was something I learned years before I meet her. But I know not everyone has a good memory like that. Perhaps you should try seduction instead of just self development. It sounds like you want a partner and seduction is self development tailored to helping you find a partner. Which is what you really want, I think.

Self developments greatest benefit was for me untangling the knots I put myself into being from a fundamentalist Christian family home.

They keep just sending me to places without women, kinda hard to practice seduction in that case lmao.

 

[reignerreigns]

It's hard to fully critique your situation without really getting into the details. But I can say self development does work for some people at least somewhat. I used it and it helped me get out of a hole I had dug myself into mentally. I used some of the pick up lines with my GF 4 years ago and we are still together and she still comments on that pick up line I used. She asked if she could kiss me and I paused like 7 seconds then responded "sure". But that pause felt forever for her, she was scared I would say no, and when I paused so long she thought I was going to say no. But then I said sure and it increased attraction. I only paused because I understood the theory of seduction and attraction which is a subsection of self development. When she asked me "how many times have I had sex?" I said something like. "I lost track it's either 359K or 359k I forget." She still mentions that once and a while too. LOL And that was something I learned years before I meet her. But I know not everyone has a good memory like that. Perhaps you should try seduction instead of just self development. It sounds like you want a partner and seduction is self development tailored to helping you find a partner. Which is what you really want, I think.

Self developments greatest benefit was for me untangling the knots I put myself into being from a fundamentalist Christian family home.

im sorry to disagree but, there was a time i also learnt seduction, watched videos, read forums and stuff...i for one wouldnt say im ugly (im simply introverted) and yet, never had a girlfriend, and the stuff i learnt got me nowhere...maybe i do have autism and thats all there is to blame. No amount of effort or things i try get me anywhere. You said you used pick up lines with your gf, i tried the same with girls hoping to get something... I dont mean to disabuse or anything, you have your own share of problems but i envy you, you were lucky to find your person, i would try anything to find someone who likes me and fell in love with me, i really am nothing

 

[Eternal Illusions]

im sorry to disagree but, there was a time i also learnt seduction, watched videos, read forums and stuff...i for one wouldnt say im ugly (im simply introverted) and yet, never had a girlfriend, and the stuff i learnt got me nowhere...maybe i do have autism and thats all there is to blame. No amount of effort or things i try get me anywhere. You said you used pick up lines with your gf, i tried the same with girls hoping to get something... I dont mean to disabuse or anything, you have your own share of problems but i envy you, you were lucky to find your person, i would try anything to find someone who likes me and fell in love with me, i really am nothing

My roommate just told me the other day that I have mild autism. I looked it up, and I think I might actually. Have you tried getting on a disability dating website yet?

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

My roommate just told me the other day that I have mild autism. I looked it up, and I think I might actually. Have you tried getting on a disability dating website yet?

I can't tell if that's a genuine advice, or the exact kind of underhanded jokey insult i personally use all the time lol.

 

[Eternal Illusions]

I can't tell if that's a genuine advice, or the exact kind of underhanded jokey insult i personally use all the time lol.

I'm trying to be genuine. I have multiple mental diagnoses and take several psych meds. And I use a wheelchair. I'm not a well adjusted person in many regards despite having a GF. And she has her own set of serious somewhat serious issues. I have been on a disability dating website before as well. Nothing to be ashamed about.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I'm trying to be genuine. I have multiple mental diagnoses and take several psych meds. And I use a wheelchair. I'm not a well adjusted person in many regards despite having a GF. And she has her own set of serious somewhat serious issues. I have been on a disability dating website before as well. Nothing to be ashamed about.

Entirely fair then lol ! It just... seemed so suspiciously close to something id say to be a lil fecker uwu