Self harm secrets

[Traumagotchi]

I self harmed from 11 to 17, I stopped last year because of people around me getting upset, specifically my boyfriend.
I don't view my self harm as a way to end my life, nor is it an attention thing. I genuinely just enjoy the way they feel, and the way it makes me feel.

However, living with my boyfriend, I haven't been able to really c without him seeing, and I just don't want to deal with the discussion of it all again.

Are there any suggestions about locations, or maybe short term satisfaction that is easily hideable? We sleep together every night and I'm normally nude around the house (our house gets so fucking hot all the time it's ridiculous).

I could really use the suggestions.

(PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS IS AGAINST ANY GUIDLINES OR RULES, I LOOKED AT THE RULES BEFORE MAKING THIS BUT I DONT WANT TO STEP ON ANY TOES OR MAKE ANYONE UPSET.)

Thank you.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

If you are nude around him it will be difficult. I usually SH on my upper thigh and no one ever sees that, but I'm also not in a relationship, sexually active, or seeking anything like that.

I would say maybe what's best is to try and do an "alternative" to help keep you off of self harm. I know some people say holding ice against your skin, that's stupid and isn't satisfying to me. What works for me is putting a rubber band around my wrist and "slapping" myself with it. I find it to be more satisfying and if you get a strong/thick rubber band it can give a decently strong sensation.

I'm in the same boat as you, I like SH but I try to avoid it because I am quite paranoid about getting an infection and having to go to a doctor and then being assessed as a mentally ill person. This is what I do, it's not as satisfying but helps a bit with the desires :P

 

[Chuunibyou]

if you're nude around the house, it'd be difficult to hide any self harm you do.

it might be worth it having a frank discussion with your boyfriend establishing your bodily autonomy, and that although his input may be welcome, he doesn't have final say with what you do with your own body. I know you said you don't want to discuss it with him again, but healthy relationships are built on open communication and trust. if he's being controlling with you and you can't even bring up this problem with him verbally, it may be worthwhile to rethink your priorities with the relationship. especially if issues like this arise outside of just the topic of self harm.

boys who are willing to listen to your reasons for doing things they don't immediately understand, and who accept you for who you are "flaws" and all, exist.

in my relationships, my partners know I self harm and I know they self harm. we're able to discuss the subject honestly. they know my reasons, I know theirs, and although we practice harm reduction and don't necessarily encourage the behavior in each other, we make no effort to stop each other because we know it's something we need from our own bodies. if one of my partner asks me to bring them a razor, I'll do it. and if they need help cleaning up afterwards, I'll help them. when I feel an urge I can say "hey I'm going to cut myself now, do you mind or should I go into the other room until I'm done?" and I'm not afraid of any retaliation or criticism. I list all these things not to brag, but because I find a lot of benefit to this aspect of my relationships and think it's worth pointing out that a better world is possible if your current relationship is denying you this level of freedom.