Self harm secrets

[Traumagotchi]

I self harmed from 11 to 17, I stopped last year because of people around me getting upset, specifically my boyfriend.
I don't view my self harm as a way to end my life, nor is it an attention thing. I genuinely just enjoy the way they feel, and the way it makes me feel.

However, living with my boyfriend, I haven't been able to really c without him seeing, and I just don't want to deal with the discussion of it all again.

Are there any suggestions about locations, or maybe short term satisfaction that is easily hideable? We sleep together every night and I'm normally nude around the house (our house gets so fucking hot all the time it's ridiculous).

I could really use the suggestions.

(PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS IS AGAINST ANY GUIDLINES OR RULES, I LOOKED AT THE RULES BEFORE MAKING THIS BUT I DONT WANT TO STEP ON ANY TOES OR MAKE ANYONE UPSET.)

Thank you.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

If you are nude around him it will be difficult. I usually SH on my upper thigh and no one ever sees that, but I'm also not in a relationship, sexually active, or seeking anything like that.

I would say maybe what's best is to try and do an "alternative" to help keep you off of self harm. I know some people say holding ice against your skin, that's stupid and isn't satisfying to me. What works for me is putting a rubber band around my wrist and "slapping" myself with it. I find it to be more satisfying and if you get a strong/thick rubber band it can give a decently strong sensation.

I'm in the same boat as you, I like SH but I try to avoid it because I am quite paranoid about getting an infection and having to go to a doctor and then being assessed as a mentally ill person. This is what I do, it's not as satisfying but helps a bit with the desires :P

 

[Chuunibyou]

if you're nude around the house, it'd be difficult to hide any self harm you do.

it might be worth it having a frank discussion with your boyfriend establishing your bodily autonomy, and that although his input may be welcome, he doesn't have final say with what you do with your own body. I know you said you don't want to discuss it with him again, but healthy relationships are built on open communication and trust. if he's being controlling with you and you can't even bring up this problem with him verbally, it may be worthwhile to rethink your priorities with the relationship. especially if issues like this arise outside of just the topic of self harm.

boys who are willing to listen to your reasons for doing things they don't immediately understand, and who accept you for who you are "flaws" and all, exist.

in my relationships, my partners know I self harm and I know they self harm. we're able to discuss the subject honestly. they know my reasons, I know theirs, and although we practice harm reduction and don't necessarily encourage the behavior in each other, we make no effort to stop each other because we know it's something we need from our own bodies. if one of my partner asks me to bring them a razor, I'll do it. and if they need help cleaning up afterwards, I'll help them. when I feel an urge I can say "hey I'm going to cut myself now, do you mind or should I go into the other room until I'm done?" and I'm not afraid of any retaliation or criticism. I list all these things not to brag, but because I find a lot of benefit to this aspect of my relationships and think it's worth pointing out that a better world is possible if your current relationship is denying you this level of freedom.

 

[Traumagotchi]

I self harmed from 11 to 17, I stopped last year because of people around me getting upset, specifically my boyfriend.
I don't view my self harm as a way to end my life, nor is it an attention thing. I genuinely just enjoy the way they feel, and the way it makes me feel.

However, living with my boyfriend, I haven't been able to really c without him seeing, and I just don't want to deal with the discussion of it all again.

Are there any suggestions about locations, or maybe short term satisfaction that is easily hideable? We sleep together every night and I'm normally nude around the house (our house gets so fucking hot all the time it's ridiculous).

I could really use the suggestions.

(PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS IS AGAINST ANY GUIDLINES OR RULES, I LOOKED AT THE RULES BEFORE MAKING THIS BUT I DONT WANT TO STEP ON ANY TOES OR MAKE ANYONE UPSET.)

Thank you.

:edit: because of the way I worded things I want to make it clear that I am currently 20 years old, very much an adult, and almost 21 as of posting this. I outwardly stopped self harming at 17 when my partner and I first started dating, but I did relapse a few times, which is why I said "I stopped last year". I haven't self harmed in over a year, completely sober. Sorry for any confusion

If you are nude around him it will be difficult. I usually SH on my upper thigh and no one ever sees that, but I'm also not in a relationship, sexually active, or seeking anything like that.

I would say maybe what's best is to try and do an "alternative" to help keep you off of self harm. I know some people say holding ice against your skin, that's stupid and isn't satisfying to me. What works for me is putting a rubber band around my wrist and "slapping" myself with it. I find it to be more satisfying and if you get a strong/thick rubber band it can give a decently strong sensation.

I'm in the same boat as you, I like SH but I try to avoid it because I am quite paranoid about getting an infection and having to go to a doctor and then being assessed as a mentally ill person. This is what I do, it's not as satisfying but helps a bit with the desires :P

Unfortunately I can't really do the rubber band thing because of the arm hair I have, and people would be a bit suspicious if i randomly shaved my arms lol

if you're nude around the house, it'd be difficult to hide any self harm you do.

it might be worth it having a frank discussion with your boyfriend establishing your bodily autonomy, and that although his input may be welcome, he doesn't have final say with what you do with your own body. I know you said you don't want to discuss it with him again, but healthy relationships are built on open communication and trust. if he's being controlling with you and you can't even bring up this problem with him verbally, it may be worthwhile to rethink your priorities with the relationship. especially if issues like this arise outside of just the topic of self harm.

boys who are willing to listen to your reasons for doing things they don't immediately understand, and who accept you for who you are "flaws" and all, exist.

in my relationships, my partners know I self harm and I know they self harm. we're able to discuss the subject honestly. they know my reasons, I know theirs, and although we practice harm reduction and don't necessarily encourage the behavior in each other, we make no effort to stop each other because we know it's something we need from our own bodies. if one of my partner asks me to bring them a razor, I'll do it. and if they need help cleaning up afterwards, I'll help them. when I feel an urge I can say "hey I'm going to cut myself now, do you mind or should I go into the other room until I'm done?" and I'm not afraid of any retaliation or criticism. I list all these things not to brag, but because I find a lot of benefit to this aspect of my relationships and think it's worth pointing out that a better world is possible if your current relationship is denying you this level of freedom.

They know I self harmed, and we've had quite a few conversations about it in the past. He isn't controlling, but he also doesn't like seeing me hurt, and has stated in the past that he doesn't like when I do it, and once threatened to leave me if I did it again. Since then he's taken that back, but this is truly the biggest issue in our relationship, and I don't want to ruin 6 years of our life over something like this. I've taken on smoking cigarettes as a coping mechanism but it's expensive and just isn't the same anymore.

if you're nude around the house, it'd be difficult to hide any self harm you do.

it might be worth it having a frank discussion with your boyfriend establishing your bodily autonomy, and that although his input may be welcome, he doesn't have final say with what you do with your own body. I know you said you don't want to discuss it with him again, but healthy relationships are built on open communication and trust. if he's being controlling with you and you can't even bring up this problem with him verbally, it may be worthwhile to rethink your priorities with the relationship. especially if issues like this arise outside of just the topic of self harm.

boys who are willing to listen to your reasons for doing things they don't immediately understand, and who accept you for who you are "flaws" and all, exist.

in my relationships, my partners know I self harm and I know they self harm. we're able to discuss the subject honestly. they know my reasons, I know theirs, and although we practice harm reduction and don't necessarily encourage the behavior in each other, we make no effort to stop each other because we know it's something we need from our own bodies. if one of my partner asks me to bring them a razor, I'll do it. and if they need help cleaning up afterwards, I'll help them. when I feel an urge I can say "hey I'm going to cut myself now, do you mind or should I go into the other room until I'm done?" and I'm not afraid of any retaliation or criticism. I list all these things not to brag, but because I find a lot of benefit to this aspect of my relationships and think it's worth pointing out that a better world is possible if your current relationship is denying you this level of freedom.

They know I self harmed, and we've had quite a few conversations about it in the past. He isn't controlling, but he also doesn't like seeing me hurt, and has stated in the past that he doesn't like when I do it, and once threatened to leave me if I did it again. Since then he's taken that back, but this is truly the biggest issue in our relationship, and I don't want to ruin 6 years of our life over something like this. I've taken on smoking cigarettes as a coping mechanism but it's expensive and just isn't the same anymore.

 

[avalokitesvara]

Wait... he's OK with you smoking but not cutting? Maybe try and get him to sit down and think about which of those activities has worse long term consequences and health impact

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I'd like some advice on this to because same boat, mine threatens the same thing aswell as threating to have me hospitalized, and I can't have that or I loose access to obtaining a gun. But they haven't for awhile because it's not like I'm trying to bost about sh the way I speak like this so casually about it, in the real world the way I type and talk here would not fly..

 

[Idkwhattopick]

if you're nude around the house, it'd be difficult to hide any self harm you do.

it might be worth it having a frank discussion with your boyfriend establishing your bodily autonomy, and that although his input may be welcome, he doesn't have final say with what you do with your own body. I know you said you don't want to discuss it with him again, but healthy relationships are built on open communication and trust. if he's being controlling with you and you can't even bring up this problem with him verbally, it may be worthwhile to rethink your priorities with the relationship. especially if issues like this arise outside of just the topic of self harm.

boys who are willing to listen to your reasons for doing things they don't immediately understand, and who accept you for who you are "flaws" and all, exist.

in my relationships, my partners know I self harm and I know they self harm. we're able to discuss the subject honestly. they know my reasons, I know theirs, and although we practice harm reduction and don't necessarily encourage the behavior in each other, we make no effort to stop each other because we know it's something we need from our own bodies. if one of my partner asks me to bring them a razor, I'll do it. and if they need help cleaning up afterwards, I'll help them. when I feel an urge I can say "hey I'm going to cut myself now, do you mind or should I go into the other room until I'm done?" and I'm not afraid of any retaliation or criticism. I list all these things not to brag, but because I find a lot of benefit to this aspect of my relationships and think it's worth pointing out that a better world is possible if your current relationship is denying you this level of freedom.

I don't think it's controlling for a partner to actively dislike self harm. I get this is a suicide site whatever and people may view things differently but ultimately someone who self harms isn't well and his response sounds appropriate.

I self harm almost daily and have a quite obscure way of doing it. I don't really see the issue with it but I know that is because i am mentally unwell, and i would honestly be quite shocked if my partner just completely accepted it as a quirk of mine.

You also have to take into account how her self harm is affecting him. It sounds like he is someone who has never self harmed before and so seeing the wounds is likely painful/traumatic/saddening and so on for him. He might just be super squeamish. I went through a phase of having very visible self harm and it freaked the fuck out of my boyfriend.

 

[Traumagotchi]

Wait... he's OK with you smoking but not cutting? Maybe try and get him to sit down and think about which of those activities has worse long term consequences and health impact

He doesn't like the smoking either, but I don't do it when he's around so he doesn't exactly know how much I smoke

I'd like some advice on this to because same boat, mine threatens the same thing aswell as threating to have me hospitalized, and I can't have that or I loose access to obtaining a gun. But they haven't for awhile because it's not like I'm trying to bost about sh the way I speak like this so casually about it, in the real world the way I type and talk here would not fly..

I don't see self harm as a negative thing, It's just a way to relax, and I like the way my scar look and feel afterwards. I really don't care what other think, but I do care about what my partner thinks about the act itself unfortunately.

 

[PrincessSaturn]

Aaaa~, I'm so happy I found this post. I agree with what you said about it not being a negative thing. I haven't found any coping method since I've started cutting (age 12) that soothes me quite like a sharp blade. I guess that's why it's so addicting. It's my easiest, most-efficient way of grounding myself. And it works so well every time.

When I really want to hide my cutting habits / not leave noticeable scars, I will use objects that are sharp enough to give me the sensation, but not cut deep enough to leave lasting scars. I'm not sure if you have anything like that. Right now for minor cuts, I use some tweezers that I got from amazon that are used for peeling and placing stickers (for my journaling). They're conveniently VERY pointy (like a safety pin), and leave the tiniest scratches that heal within 1-3 days. I also will apply ointments if I want the skin to heal extra fast. Long sleeves (cardigan, jacket, t-shirt) within the first day or so just so people don't notice fresh scars / scrapes RIGHT away.

(I'm not sure if I'm allowed but I'd be more than happy to link those exact tweezers to you).

This is just what I do, I hope that there's something you find within this thread that helps you.