Venting Seeking for a solution.

[skreewie]

Hi, it's me once again.
My situation has come more of a stalemate as now. I've gone to places to jump from, but even climbing the stairs and taking a glimpse to the ground gives me such a fear.
While my parents still force me to go to an university (a small note that I've been 18 three and a half months ago), while they search my room and check every drawer when I go outside to take some breath from them.
And when I talk about what I want to do in the future with my dad, he just yells at me and calls me stupid. My mom isn't any different.
They're just forcing me to a future that I will suffer every second of it.
I really don't see them as humans but just demons to make my life more sufferable.

I've been thinking of what if I go to a psychiatrist just to let them know how serious my situation is? (Another part of me says that this won't work at all since they don't care about me)
Maybe if psychiatrists prescribe me pills, maybe they'll somehow be more gentle? (Of course, I'm not going to take the pills since I don't want to drug my brain into carelessness)

Other than that, since I don't wanna work in a job, I won't be able to move out from my parents so I'm FUCKING STUCK in this shitty loophole that I get anger attacks every day in this shitty apartment that I bang my head and cut myself over it.

I just want somebody to shoot me in the head with a shotgun, I'm too fucking mentally weak to do anything now. I'm just gonna sit every night in this park thinking about when will I die. And every time I come to this house, I'll get anger attacks and stay in my tiny room for eternity. Not being able to talk with a HUMAN.

If you have any ideas on what can I do please tell me

 

[LaughingGoat]

It may feel like it since I imagine you don't have much money or job at your age, but you aren't physically forced into any particular future by your parents. If you make the decision to work so you are able to rent somewhere (could be a cheap one room rental), you can remove yourself from this situation with your parents that is causing you so much distress. Of course I understand that those major changes can be very difficult if you are struggling with motivation and pain, these types of situations in life is when you want to acknowledge there are options to change your circumstances and at the end of the day it is your choice how to proceed. Additionally, if you have never worked with a therapist, I would always advise that as a good therapist could help you understand and work through the core mental health issues you are experiencing. If you choose you don't want to try to work through these things or change your situation, then ctb may be the choice you want to make. Whatever you do, my advice for someone as young as you would be to not be a "passenger" in life and have decisions made for you. It's going to come down to what deciding what you want to do and then working to make that happen.

 

[skreewie]

I'm currently an intern on a factory, so they pay me some small amount of money, but of course, it isn't enough for future stuff.
Oh, and which I'm getting made fun of in that factory every day I go there, getting mentally worse every day.
And yeah, I know that I could work somewhere to rent an apartment or something, but as I've said I'm too weak mentally and I'd rather shoot myself in the head since I hate this current system that we live in, not wanna waste my time for that. And I don't think my problems will go away once I get away from them too. It's more about how sufferable life normally is.
I went to a therapist when I was younger, but all he did was just give stupid advices. Maybe I told my problems wrong, I don't know. I'll give it one more chance.
And about being a "passenger" part, yeah I also don't want other people to have decisions for myself. But my parents are just don't leave me alone and letting me have my own decisions, just forcing everything to me until I give up and say yes.
Which sometimes ends up me yelling at them and my dad threatening me. (Which I fear myself doing something bad and getting in jail when he does that) I just hate them with my every part of me.
I might sound stupid, but I've really just given up at this point, I've got nothing to live for, neither an objective.