anxiousdweller
God Tier Fumbler
- Apr 10, 2026
- 19
For like the last 8 years i have always been depressed at around the 4 year mark i got my first gf which in many ways saved me and made me stop being lonely but the social anxiety and depression came creeping back but still she was my anchor and you would suppose you would hold a person like that close to you and treat her like a princess? Not in my case i treated her like shit and broke up because i couldnt handle it , without even understanding why. and now im fully collapsed and back even further down yearning for her, my lost future and dealing constantly with suicidal ideation again its so hard for me to understand why i always screw up everything and keep ruining "good" things and never be fulfilled in this shitty place we call world but too scared to even commit yet im stuck in this mental prison of wanting out but not being strong enough to do so and in the back of my mind think about the people i leave behind and the pain and suffering i bring on to them. The price i would pay for a button of instant death would be high. praying every night to not wake up the next morning but TADA im still here! Keeping myself in isolation and just hoping for some kind of wizard of oz type of magic to pull me out of this hell hole and make me enjoy life again but even when i had "everything" life was still terrible its just one big stretch of time with nothing really to show for it in the end fuck fuck fuck this miserable stupid place
