Help School Makes me Anxious

[cyanlove]

I feel really silly posting this but school gives me so much anxiety. I'm 25 and a seven-year-freshman in college.

I know my dad worries about me and my future and wants me to get an education. He has so kindly offered to pay for my classes. I don't want to disappoint him again by failing but I can't even bring myself to open my laptop. I start crying and then curl up in bed.

It's day two of my six-week summer class. It's all online. I don't know how to talk to my therapist about this.

 

[HighFlight]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with school. My son is the same way - barely made it through high school because of anxiety, and won't even consider any type of higher education. Is there something about school or this class that is making it difficult for you? And why do you feel you can't share this with your therapist?

What about taking classes online where you don't have to interact with the instructor or other students? There are many ways to learn and gain experience. Maybe you just haven't found the course method that works for you.

Until you feel that you talk to your therapist, you could continue to post your feelings here. There might be someone here that has gone, or is going through a similar thing and can give you some better ideas.

Wishing you all the best and good luck with your class! (out of curiosity, what class are you taking?)

 

[cyanlove]

Wishing you all the best and good luck with your class! (out of curiosity, what class are you taking

Howdy,
I'm actually taking online courses currently. Sociology of Marriage & Family and Statistics.

I don't know I prefer in-person classes but it's not feasible now that I work full time.

 

[HighFlight]

So if the classes were in-person, you wouldn't feel as anxious about it?

 

[LunarPyotr]

I understand the worries and I think that there are positive and negative sides of Online and In-Person Lessons.
For me it's like I would rather take online classes if I would go to school since today's generation is just trash and I notice that quite often at work but on the other side, if I would take online classes, where most of them require you to have a webcam and if you don't, they order you a Logitech one and you are basically forced to have it on during classes (That's what my friend's lil bro and my neighbor had to do and they go to different schools) and I don't feel like turning it on since others can see what you're doing, teachers notice quicker when you're too quiet and if the school gives you a laptop (Mostly Lenovo ThinkPad L-Series), they have pre-installed malware which mirrors your screen to the teachers and it's actually not possible to just delete or uninstall it because you don't have access to the online MS admin account to even uninstall the pre-installed "learning software".

When it comes to the whole therapist thing, I don't know how to really answer this question.
However, I thought about this, and maybe there's a non-vocal way to bring this up. Write down your problem, describe how you feel before wanting to do your task, describe how or what you feel when you're trying to do the task and then maybe write down how you're dealing with the failure to perform that task.

For example:

Attending the Online Class

-> Before wanting to do this, I was feeling alright and ready to join the class
- no issues
- neutral mood
- Really want to attend the classes

-> I failed to attend the online classes and skipped the class/entire session
- Had anxiety
- Was shaking
- Felt like I'm going to be judged by not being there from day one
- Lack of motivation
- Was scarred that someone gonna spot my SH scars on my arms

-> I went to bed for the rest of the day
- Guilt because I yet again failed to join those online lessons
- I felt like I'm a failure
- Hopelessness and fear of failing the school and potentially starting to abuse substances (Alcohol, Tobacco etc.)


But in the end I can only say that I'm not a doctor, I'm not a professional in this field and I would have exactly the same problem and fear that I could probably say something wrong and this would result in a misunderstanding or getting the wrong advice from the therapist.

 

[h4yate]

the other two posts are right and hey, if it really gets too much: take a break from college. education will always be there for you when youre ready to come back.

 

[cyanlove]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and ideas. I decided to pull out of classes but it may have been a bit rash.

I don't know I just hate not being perfect and not doing things the right way.

 

[Demiurge]

I would like to say that I whent threw a similar experience, mainly the not being able to sleep and just crying at night, but I found somthing that helped me with sleeping, and its to put on some headphones and have some music play or even ASMR it sounds weird but when I just focused on that I was able to fal asleep a lot easier, I hope it can help you like it did me.