Discussion Scared to Kill Myself--What should I do? What is your experience of sodium nitrite?

[etherealgoddess]

My Perspective
I do not get the point of life. It's constant highs and lows, and the meaning of life is so arbitrary: it means so much but is also so meaningless at the same time. And it's exhausting to go from high to low to high to low... especially when you notice the pattern itself. We will all die anyway, so I know I should not care about how people feel when I leave them behind.

My Survival Instinct
However, I am an absolute pussy to actually follow through with suicide. I've attempted twice, the first time needing medical attention. After I took acetaminophen, I remember I sat there for 15 or 20 minutes in an absolute panic before I told my dad. When I went to the emergency room and they checked my heart rate, my heart rate was as if I was sprinting, even though I only had been driven to the hospital and walked to the emergency room. Like, I was absolutely in panic.

What should I do?
I wonder how I can cope with this because I want to end my life but I know my survival instinct is especially strong when it understands that death is creeping up soon.

What is the experience of taking sodium nitrite?
I am looking at sodium nitrite but am hoping that the symptoms will not be unbearable because the survival instinct is hard enough so having harsh symptoms that keep emphasizing that your time is near would only make it worse.

Is it possible to take sodium nitrate?
The reality is that on Amazon, sodium nitrite is banned because apparently, young people were killing themselves with high-purity sodium nitrite. I heard that 5% of sodium nitrate turns into sodium nitrite in the stomach, so if I were to take 20x the dose in grams of sodium nitrate, would this work? Is it going to be puked everywhere with pills to prevent puking or can it work?


I'm just done with life. I love my boyfriend, but I'm ready to leave everything behind because I can't take it.

 

[unnormal9]

I wouldn't know mine turned into nitrate `being exposed too much.

 

[Buddha.chris]

I believe SN is one Of the most peaceful ways to exit every other method is very complex to me and seems to gruesome to do Im blessed to have SN is one of the options I can always turn to if i want to ctb peacefully with no chance of coming back to this hell

 

[freelifexit]

Some SN cases are painful, some cases are discomforting, some cases are peaceful. Everybody reacts different.

Here you can find description of painful cases and here peaceful and discomforting cases and symptoms.

 

[peaceindeath]

You haven't enough pain in you, so you are not ready.
No offense, maybe you just feel a little too lazy to live, but you don't have pain to run away from.

 

[Not.Flugel]

Good luck trying to take 400g of No3- in one take. The LD50 dose for NaNo3- lays somewhere between 1,2-1,3g per kg of bodyweight. You need to be well above to ensure death. Leaving aside the ridiculouslness of it, no. Also No3- doesn't like to turn to No2- at all, there is a reason the whole nitrite cycle is that complex. Also, you shouldn't base your knowledge of a topic like suicide based on things you heard. But yes it is true that part of the No3- gets turned to No2- and than immediately HNO2 in your stomach.

 

[ditsyking]

I am also scared but I will def do it. I am scared of SN because it burns troath. I am thinking to use n2o (nitrous oxide) because I used it in past recreationally.
I am clumsy and I do nt have much money for masks so 2L tank in a closed small bathroom is my best option. Still deciding between n2o and SN. More confident using n2o though because you really just pass out being high, after you just die and it is not physically painful....