Venting run away

[Lavínia]

I've been toying with an idea. My ex doesn't talk to me anymore; he's moved on with his life. But I still think there's a door open. I can still escape, have somewhere to go. What if I text him and tell him we should run away? I'll take the money I still have, skip work, take a bus somewhere far away... not to live, I know that if I do that it will be the end, but it would be nice. To die like that. He would probably move on or go back to his life afterward. But me? bye byee. Just imagining it makes my chest pound so hard, a powerful feeling of helplessness, anxiety, and worry fills my body. This terrifying feeling that makes me live in the present. The love I have for him. Maybe I can escape, can't I? I don't have his number anymore; I would send an email. Even if he doesn't reply... the attempt would make me feel so complete.