udusa
Will ctb before december
- Jun 1, 2023
- 37
Ever since a devastating event in April, I started to feel confident about CTB. I knew I wasn't going to finish 2023. I just don't see a future with anything working out for me.
I've been stuck with this idea for various months, and it was only until September that the desire to plan everything with certainty finally came out for real, and it seems that the date is coming close, it could even be next week
It's a weird feeling, it's relieving knowing that all of the suffering is about to finally come to an end...
However, I've been getting into a mental state in which I don't care anymore about anything at all, I want to act normally with family and friends (especially since I don't want to make anyone worry and raise suspicions), but I can't. I've started to distance myself from everybody and removed social media. I don't find myself wanting to answer texts from anyone, slowly disappearing, and it hurts to think about how I'm abandoning all the people close to me... I don't want to, but I can't just act normal only to ctb a week later...
It's finally going to end but these things break my heart and it's all my fault
I've been stuck with this idea for various months, and it was only until September that the desire to plan everything with certainty finally came out for real, and it seems that the date is coming close, it could even be next week
It's a weird feeling, it's relieving knowing that all of the suffering is about to finally come to an end...
However, I've been getting into a mental state in which I don't care anymore about anything at all, I want to act normally with family and friends (especially since I don't want to make anyone worry and raise suspicions), but I can't. I've started to distance myself from everybody and removed social media. I don't find myself wanting to answer texts from anyone, slowly disappearing, and it hurts to think about how I'm abandoning all the people close to me... I don't want to, but I can't just act normal only to ctb a week later...
It's finally going to end but these things break my heart and it's all my fault
