Relief from having a tool nearby

[eesabtbad]

Since the beginning of May I've been carrying a rope in my backpack which I take everywhere. It pretty much calms my nerves that I have an option to quit almost everywhere I go. During the time between my first two attempts and the moment I started walking with a rope in my backpack I was really scared and anxious that I don't have anything to kill myself and it made me suicidal even more.

Do you guys also feel more relieved by having a tool to kill yourself nearby, even if you're not planning to do it so quick? The feeling that you have the choice and you can make it anytime you want, even if you won't do it right now? Or is it just my quirk?

 

[WalmartSoap]

I don't have a tool with me as of right now, but this is something I've thought about a lot! I want to purchase a firearm in the future, just to quietly console myself-- a means of escape readily available. The fact that the same process works for you is reassuring to me.