sleepytime5
Member
- Jul 13, 2026
- 38
Whether I am manic, depressed, euthymic, worried, at peace, I always feel it, dysphoria, I just can't.
Why am I doing this to myself, constantly reading about bullshit, about awful experiences, I just feel so distressed about the world, I feel like this is not safe.
I really fucked myself up beyond recognition with the negativism I fed myself. My mom was fucking telling me "Maybe reading all day about catatonic depressive oneiroid state schizophrenia or (constant agony disorder) might have an impact on you" But nooo, I just to go like "Uhh but it's interesting" fucking subjecting myself to shit.
I poisoned my mind. Sometimes I just feel like I am connected to the universe and instead of feeling a deep profound peace I feel SHIT.
I remember a few days ago I visited my grandma and I just idk lost it, I saw her dogs which are chained and my mind tweaked the fuck out "THEY ARE REAL, THESE THINGS ARE REAL, THAT DAISY GIRL FROM THE PETER SCULLY CASE IS REAL"
It's so much my fault in many ways, I wish I could get a lobotomy
I can't shake this feeling, ever, I just feel sick to my stomache all the time. At first I said I won't do it unless I get insomnia again but idgag I am doing it anyways, I just can't, something bothers me.
I feel some sort of phantom pain almost all day in which I feel like breaking down and harming and killing myself, might start doing that to cope.
Sometimes it's so intense I feel like ripping my hair out and screaming and kicking. Sometimes it's so intense I just wanna nuke the whole earth, I feel like my body is a trap I must escape.
This is getting more and more serious, at first I thought I was just anxious or something but I feel deeply disturbed by reality. Anyone else has this.
I also have this weird sense that something evil is hiding beneath everything I know, even innocent things such as kittens or puppies, I also literally enter a state of hate whenever I see people being happy or "healed"
I really need to talk to my psychiatrist again, I'm already on anti depressants, and they're supposed to do either one of these things
Improve you
Numb you out entirely
None of those are my case, they made me less anxious about day to day things, less heart pounding and panic, but this just lingers and lingers, I feel like running away from home, I also hate being so alone, can't uni just fucking start already before I confetti my brains everywhere
Why am I doing this to myself, constantly reading about bullshit, about awful experiences, I just feel so distressed about the world, I feel like this is not safe.
I really fucked myself up beyond recognition with the negativism I fed myself. My mom was fucking telling me "Maybe reading all day about catatonic depressive oneiroid state schizophrenia or (constant agony disorder) might have an impact on you" But nooo, I just to go like "Uhh but it's interesting" fucking subjecting myself to shit.
I poisoned my mind. Sometimes I just feel like I am connected to the universe and instead of feeling a deep profound peace I feel SHIT.
I remember a few days ago I visited my grandma and I just idk lost it, I saw her dogs which are chained and my mind tweaked the fuck out "THEY ARE REAL, THESE THINGS ARE REAL, THAT DAISY GIRL FROM THE PETER SCULLY CASE IS REAL"
It's so much my fault in many ways, I wish I could get a lobotomy
I can't shake this feeling, ever, I just feel sick to my stomache all the time. At first I said I won't do it unless I get insomnia again but idgag I am doing it anyways, I just can't, something bothers me.
I feel some sort of phantom pain almost all day in which I feel like breaking down and harming and killing myself, might start doing that to cope.
Sometimes it's so intense I feel like ripping my hair out and screaming and kicking. Sometimes it's so intense I just wanna nuke the whole earth, I feel like my body is a trap I must escape.
This is getting more and more serious, at first I thought I was just anxious or something but I feel deeply disturbed by reality. Anyone else has this.
I also have this weird sense that something evil is hiding beneath everything I know, even innocent things such as kittens or puppies, I also literally enter a state of hate whenever I see people being happy or "healed"
I really need to talk to my psychiatrist again, I'm already on anti depressants, and they're supposed to do either one of these things
Improve you
Numb you out entirely
None of those are my case, they made me less anxious about day to day things, less heart pounding and panic, but this just lingers and lingers, I feel like running away from home, I also hate being so alone, can't uni just fucking start already before I confetti my brains everywhere
