Venting Relationships

[Life_and_Death]

I think I get it. That one special person you don't want to share with anyone right? I think I understand that that's what people look for. Why do I have to be different? Why do I have to love 2 guys? I use to cheat on all my bfs. I swear, if I could just have them I'd never even think about doing it again. I love them so much, it's tearing me apart and it feels like it's all my fault but I can't just not love them. I've tried.

Please don't respond with something that clearly says you didn't read past the title, I will have it reported and deleted simply because I can't delete it myself. Same goes for half ass responses. Basically anything that says I commented just for the fuck of it and isn't actually supportive or helpful because I'm getting really sick of those responses and have had several of my own personal threads locked because of it.

 

[Life_and_Death]

You do realize that if one finds out about the other they could very well both end up on this forum too right? Ask me how I know...
Don't even entertain that shit. It's not even "different" in todays culture, it's pretty status quo & also my guess as to why the current rates of CTB are skyrocketing.

Really? The first post you decide to make is putting this situation under the same umbrella even though everyone's different and there's a possibility that probably won't happen. I get that's what happened to you but that doesn't mean that's the outcome for everyone. Please don't talk about people you know nothing about like you do know them.

 

[questionm]

Yes this is my first post because I'm clearly triggered & have been effected personally by the notion so I think I know what I'm talking about.
What else bothered me is this sounds like a problem half the people in this forum WISH they had. Most are here because they seem to have none. You on the other hand have the "problem" of having too many. It comes off like a millionaire bemoaning what to do with their riches to the poor.

Also, just because you think that there's a possibility that "that probably won't happen", why would you risk it? What Kind of response were you hoping to garner? Did you want me or anyone else to say "there there, just do whatever however it effects whoever". I get that that's kind of akin to how most here deal with notions of CTB but this is pure indulgence & something entirely different.

There's a couple different ways you could broach this but I doubt you're going to like any of my suggestions either. You announce that you're "polyamouros" (the increasingly trendy thing to do now a days) & risk losing both of them or you commit to one. Or, just do whatever bro lol, who cares right??

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm clearly triggered

And you didn't have to read it or respond. Also...

What else bothered me is this sounds like a problem half the people in this forum WISH they had. Most are here because they seem to have none. You on the other hand have the "problem" of having too many. It comes off like a millionaire bemoaning what to do with their riches to the poor.

Fuck off. Really? Someone's having a problem and you come on here acting like that? Would you like to tell me that I also shouldn't be bitching about my hallucinations, my bpd, trust issues among many other problems. Seriously stop commenting on my thread

 

[reticen]

I really don't understand how you can be in love with more than one person. I can only think that you weren't really in love with them, especially if you cheated on them. I guess all things are possible even given how unlikely they are to happen, but I can only suggest you attempt further introspection with a good dose of tough logic.

 

[StringPuppet]

Do you love both of them equally?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Do you love both of them equally?

Yes. That's kind of the problem.

I really don't understand how you can be in love with more than one person. I can only think that you weren't really in love with them, especially if you cheated on them. I guess all things are possible even given how unlikely they are to happen, but I can only suggest you attempt further introspection with a good dose of tough logic.

I'm not sure how to answer this. And absolutely no offense as I'm sure you didn't mean any towards me but, all this really shows is you don't understand (which I don't blame you for) I'm just not sure how to explain it.

 

[DeadButDreaming]

You could have a harem, as the men in the Middle East do. I wouldn't mind a harem myself.

 

[UterEntonaur]

I really don't understand how you can be in love with more than one person

You can love two people at the same time - it's happened to me - and it left me in a really awkward place at the time, On one hand, you don't want to hurt either of them, but on the other.... you want that "love" (from both of them) to continue don't want to give it up. I know it sounds selfish, but until you're in that spot, you won't get it.

Don't get "loving two people" confused with "loving one person and being attracted to someone else" - they're two different things

 

[Life_and_Death]

You can love two people at the same time - it's happened to me - and it left me in a really awkward place at the time, On one hand, you don't want to hurt either of them, but on the other.... you want that "love" (from both of them) to continue don't want to give it up. I know it sounds selfish, but until you're in that spot, you won't get it.

Don't get "loving two people" confused with "loving one person and being attracted to someone else" - they're two different things

Thank you

 

[fixitinpost]

Hey, @Life_and_Death

From what you've told me, I would not think you are different in this regard. This kind of dilemma is not uncommon for people to find themselves in, but I feel like you might be asking yourself a different set of questions here. So the question that immediately pops up in my head is, in what way does it make you feel different?

The way you described past cheating btw, it almost sounds like it became a habit. I'm not sure if you agree with that, but if you do I hope you have been able to find a good way to handle it. It isn't just a death sentence for your relationships - it messes with you too. During the two years me and my ex-girlfriend (who also had BPD) were together, she admitted two times to cheating on me. She took it really hard, too. Was cutting herself, which she hadn't done for a long time. In hindsight I can't really sympathize, because it was all on her. But I can empathize with the process behind it. Unfortunately, because life had been much simpler if I could have just thought of her as a complete jerk.

 

[Life_and_Death]

in what way does it make you feel different?

Have your read the past comments? The way people jumped on me about it? That's why I don't post here and why I don't share stuff. Everytime I do I get people like that! How can I not feel different when that's all people make do?

Edit: should probably also add that being 1 out of 3 doesn't help. Theyve already basically said fuck no.

The way you described past cheating btw, it almost sounds like it became a habit.

I'm not sure I would say the cause was habit. More like..... If I think about it.... And I'm honest. Probably attention. Not saying it made it right but to be fair, they didn't pay attention to me and I was getting abused at home and bullied in all 3 schools.

It isn't just a death sentence for your relationships - it messes with you too.

Thank you for understanding

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

@Life_and_Death

The premise that humans should attach and propagate with one lifelong partner, or in the animal world what is called "mate for life", to me, seems like something decided by people who want power and control. I see nothing wrong with having multiple partners (any sex or gender) as long as all parties understand and abide by the "rules" set by those same parties.

I could write pages about this, but the end premise, as I see it, is a person should have multiple partners during their lifetime because life changes as one ages and what one type of partner will contribute during a particular phase of a life will not provide for needs required during different life circumstances. Or, for that matter, multiple partners during a same life phase will provide differently. How can anyone expect a single partner to provide for their all of their needs? I doubt anybody can do that! One may be fun loving and make you laugh, but lousy at listening to you after a bad day at work. Another may be great at making you feel better when you are down, at keeping you grounded, so to speak, while the idea of going camping or fishing would send them over the edge.

So, IMHO, if you want multiple partners, go for it, as long as those partners understand up front and agree with it. That is the hard part in our selfish, close-minded society.

Edited to add: I want to make it clear that I firmly believe that one should keep promises made. If a promise is made to have an exclusive relationship, then that promise should be kept. I stress here that I think the idea of multiple partners (call it love, or whatever you want) should be agreed upon by all parties up front! The problem with that is that some will agree with it in the beginning (they have their own agendas) and change their minds later.

 

[reticen]

@NeverGoodEnuff

There is no way that a polyamorous relationship with one woman and multiple men would work. The men would become jealous and become hostile towards eachother. In the end only one man would be left or else they will all be gone. History and biology shows enough evidence of this. It just doesn't work.

 

[Life_and_Death]

@NeverGoodEnuff

There is no way that a polyamorous relationship with one woman and multiple men would work. The men would become jealous and become hostile towards eachother. In the end only one man would be left or else they will all be gone. History and biology shows enough evidence of this. It just doesn't work.

i love it when people put everyone in one boat like everyone is exact copies of another.

 

[fixitinpost]

Have your read the past comments? The way people jumped on me about it? That's why I don't post here and why I don't share stuff. Everytime I do I get people like that! How can I not feel different when that's all people make do?

Yeah, I've seen the comments. In other threads too. I think it's these topics on relationships, love, and sex that suffer the most, because some people are frustrated over it and can't read the room. No one should have to feel like you do.

I'm not sure I would say the cause was habit. More like..... If I think about it.... And I'm honest. Probably attention. Not saying it made it right but to be fair, they didn't pay attention to me and I was getting abused at home and bullied in all 3 schools.

Ah, ok. Sorry you had to go through abuse and bullying. Hope you at least feel like you can come here and post about that

 

[reticen]

@Life And Death

Well have you asked these men if they are fine with a polyamorous relationship with you? You don't know what boat you are in yet.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Yeah, I've seen the comments. In other threads too. I think it's these topics on relationships, love, and sex that suffer the most, because some people are frustrated over it and can't read the room. No one should have to feel like you do.



Ok. Sorry you had to go through abuse and bullying. Hope you at least feel like you can come here and post about that

thank you. and no, i dont feel like i can post here. im either met with bs like above, in some cases worse. or just complete and total misunderstanding while saying "yeah i understand". i honestly dont even know why i still bother.

@Life And Death

Well have you asked these men if they are fine with a polyamorous relationship with you? You don't know what boat you are in yet.

please stop.

 

[reticen]

@Life And Death

You can't just make a public thread and demand that everyone agrees and supports you.

 

[Life_and_Death]

@Life And Death

You can't just make a public thread and demand that everyone agrees and supports you.

im not. asking asking people to not be dicks on a suicide forum.
also theres disagreeing and then theres

What else bothered me is this sounds like a problem half the people in this forum WISH they had. Most are here because they seem to have none. You on the other hand have the "problem" of having too many. It comes off like a millionaire bemoaning what to do with their riches to the poor.

just seriously? your pain isnt valid is literally all that says and has to be the most offensive thing to possibly say on a suicide site.

 

[reticen]

@Life And Death

Do you think I am a dick? I was illustrating a realistic scenario in an attempt to give you some perspective and you call bullshit. Getting real help involves getting a tough outlook and dedicating hard time, not getting people giving you hugs and kisses.

 

[Life_and_Death]

@Life And Death

Do you think I am a dick? I was illustrating a realistic scenario in an attempt to give you some perspective and you call bullshit. Getting real help involves getting a tough outlook and dedicating hard time, not getting people giving you hugs and kisses.

1) was it you that i quoted?
2) what youve said (aside from the one thing i already pointed out) i havent had much of a problem with. its the tone im getting from it thats the problem.
3) to answer your last part no i dont fucking expect "hugs and kisses". however when im on a suicide forum i dont exactly expect to be told that i should basically shut up and my problems arent really problems. however my biggest problem is that everyone else is getting actually fucking help and support when every fucking time i post something personal i have to deal with all the dicks calling me manipulative and shit ever since ive fucking got here when i havent done shit. im getting sick and tired of being what seems like the only person that has to put up with this fucking bullshit.
theres a difference between coddling, helping, and making shit worse and all people ever do for me is make shit worse. i fucking get it ill go kill myself i just wish people would fucking say that instead of constantly treating me like shit to the point i dont even feel safe posting on my own profile. that is my fucking problem.

 

[Mentalmick]

1) was it you that i quoted?
2) what youve said (aside from the one thing i already pointed out) i havent had much of a problem with. its the tone im getting from it thats the problem.
3) to answer your last part no i dont fucking expect "hugs and kisses". however when im on a suicide forum i dont exactly expect to be told that i should basically shut up and my problems arent really problems. however my biggest problem is that everyone else is getting actually fucking help and support when every fucking time i post something personal i have to deal with all the dicks calling me manipulative and shit ever since ive fucking got here when i havent done shit. im getting sick and tired of being what seems like the only person that has to put up with this fucking bullshit.
theres a difference between coddling, helping, and making shit worse and all people ever do for me is make shit worse. i fucking get it ill go kill myself i just wish people would fucking say that instead of constantly treating me like shit to the point i dont even feel safe posting on my own profile. that is my fucking problem.

We're not all like that. When I was about 17 or 18 I fell in love with 2 sisters (awkward). I never did anything about it because I'm not really capable of that kind of thing. I know I would never of been capable of choosing between them in the unlikely event they felt the same, so I probably would of ended up with neither. It was heartbreaking.

 

[Life_and_Death]

We're not all like that. When I was about 17 or 18 I fell in love with 2 sisters (awkward). I never did anything about it because I'm not really capable of that kind of thing. I know I would never of been capable of choosing between them in the unlikely event they felt the same, so I probably would of ended up with neither. It was heartbreaking.

yeah...i would love nothing more then to make them both happy however i understand where they stand on the issue. sadly this does not take the pain away from me.

edit: i meant to add this and forgot lol.
i know not everyone is like that. whenever i speak about "everyone" im really only talking about the majority.

 

[Mentalmick]

edit: i meant to add this and forgot lol.
i know not everyone is like that. whenever i speak about "everyone" im really only talking about the majority.

I know. I hope you are able to salvage the situation in some way. I know it's hard but try not to let anyone get to you, your the only one who knows what you're feeling.

 

[TessB]

@Life_and_Death i do understand how you feel.. do you have bpd? Me too.. and how I am with relationships is one very very big issue with it.. I'm being sent on therapy to deal with it soon in fact as it fucks up all my life.
I know you said you love them both equally and I do think they can happen, but do you love them in different ways? When I was with my first husband I had an affair with the guy who ended up being my second husband and there was a period I loved and cared for them both, but the love I had for no.1 was about him looking after me, being quite parental almost, or like an older brother.. us being great mates. But no.2 was like excitement, him having a dark side, feeling he was a black sheep like me, feeling like soulmates. I've ended up with neither of those guys.. but yes I did love them both at the same time for a while.
This is in no way me trying to be an asshole but I'm genuinely interested how you feel about either of the men you love being romantic with other people apart from you? Because I guess that makes a difference about if you are polyamorous by lifestyle, or like me are emotionally erratic and more prone to cheating x

 

[MYStERY_Man]

Well, I don't get it. When you say "that one special person you don't want to share with anyone" I think of ownership, which is something I don't apply to humans. What I've had were people whose satisfaction caused my own, regardless of how they got it. So if I were in the position of one of the guys, I'd be down for an open relationship. Open meaning I'd also want to be free to love somebody else. Even if I never used this freedom, it'd just be fair.

I'm a minority. An even smaller minority would be down for the relationship you want. We exist, but odds are these guys aren't part of it. If they aren't, here are some scenarios:

1. you stay secretly with both, someone finds out, they're deeply hurt and you get none
2. you leave one now, the other is hurt, but not as much
3. you leave both and look for better candidates for this kind of arrangement

As always, the choice is yours. I hope you don't get too lost while navigating your thoughts.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Well, I don't get it. When you say "that one special person you don't want to share with anyone" I think of ownership, which is something I don't apply to humans. What I've had were people whose satisfaction caused my own, regardless of how they got it. So if I were in the position of one of the guys, I'd be down for an open relationship. Open meaning I'd also want to be free to love somebody else. Even if I never used this freedom, it'd just be fair.

I'm a minority. An even smaller minority would be down for the relationship you want. We exist, but odds are these guys aren't part of it. If they aren't, here are some scenarios:

1. you stay secretly with both, someone finds out, they're deeply hurt and you get none
2. you leave one now, the other is hurt, but not as much
3. you leave both and look for better candidates for this kind of arrangement

As always, the choice is yours. I hope you don't get too lost while navigating your thoughts.

im sure you meant well but i can assure you ive thought about it a lot. i already know all possible outcomes

 

[questionm]

I'll stay gone if you stop mentioning me after I respect your wish to leave.

Highlights since I have:

History and biology shows enough evidence of this. It just doesn't work.

i love it when people put everyone in one boat like everyone is exact copies of another.

Theyve already basically said fuck no.

- - -

Would you like to tell me that I also shouldn't be bitching about my hallucinations, my bpd

Those all sound valid.

trust issues

You lost me.

- - -

You have feelings for 2 people fine. Outside of your control, w/e. The issue is you can either handle it honestly or not, simple as. Or give them trust issues & risk them ending up with the rest of us down here like I mentioned prior. Lying/cheating does fuck people up, it isn't excusable. Nobody else here is telling you to do that either. We all seem to be saying the same thing. Just be honest. Put aside how you feel about my or anyone elses tone, it doesn't matter. Nobody here is a dick for telling you to just be a good person.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'll stay gone if you stop mentioning me after I respect your wish to leave.

Highlights since I have:



- - -

Those all sound valid.

You lost me.

- - -

You have feelings for 2 people fine. Outside of your control, w/e. The issue is you can either handle it honestly or not, simple as. Or give them trust issues & risk them ending up with the rest of us down here like I mentioned prior. Lying/cheating does fuck people up, it isn't excusable. Nobody else here is telling you to do that either. We all seem to be saying the same thing. Just be honest. Put aside how you feel about my or anyone elses tone, it doesn't matter. Nobody here is a dick for telling you to just be a good person.

do yourself a favor and go back and reread my initial post. at no fucking point did i say i was going to cheat. now fuck off some where. youve done enough