Venting Relationships

[reticen]

do yourself a favor and go back and reread my initial post. at no fucking point did i say i was going to cheat. now fuck off some where. youve done enough

Well you would be cheating on both the men you claim to love by being with both.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Well you would be cheating on both the men you claim to love by being with both.

please, tell me. at what fucking point did i say i was with both of them?? because at no point did i say i was.

 

[reticen]

please, tell me. at what fucking point did i say i was with both of them?? because at no point did i say i was.

Isn't that what you want though? To be with both?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Isn't that what you want though? To be with both?

theres a really big difference between whats in my head and doing it. now please do not crucify me for having a heart and caring about people. seriously, do me a favor and get off my thread. shit like this is only making my mental problems worse and im getting really fucking sick and tired of having to put up with it in a "safe place" which it clearly fucking isnt or else the members here wouldnt have made me more suicidal. now seriously fuck off some where i am doing nothing wrong. if you couldnt pick up on the fact i already felt bad enough about it in my initial post then im sorry you are either heartless or cant read but that is not my fault and theres no fucking need to come at me like this. now go away.

 

[questionm]

You're hurting both of them by just continuing correspondence. You don't want to share & neither do they so polyamory is out. Pick one, drop everything with the other. Neither of us is crucifying you for "having a heart & caring about people". Quite the opposite. We're asking you to have one & think about how you're effecting both of these people.
I'm done though. This is circular & redundant, good luck.

 

[Life_and_Death]

You're hurting both of them by just continuing correspondence. You don't want to share & neither do they so polyamory is out. Pick one, drop everything with the other. Neither of us is crucifying you for "having a heart & caring about people". Quite the opposite. We're asking you to have one & think about how you're effecting both of these people.
I'm done though. This is circular & redundant, good luck.

you giving an opinion to a situation you know absolutely nothing about. you dont even know my relation to either of them so fuck off. for all you know im with neither of them. all i fucking said is i love 2 people stop making fucking assumptions.

honest to fuck. if this is the way im going to get treated, this site is fucking useless. no wonders ft26 wants to take it down. and if this is they way members are treating others they will most likely succeed

 

[summers]

@Life_and_Death Maybe you love them both because each offers something the other doesn't. I don't think you're doing anything wrong - every person and situation is unique. Hopefully these guys realize you genuinely care about them.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Hopefully these guys realize you genuinely care about them.

im hopefully going to go to therapy soon and i plan on talking about it with her. i understand how they both feel about the situation and im hopeful that through my therapist i can figure it out and maybe we could all work something out.

 

[TessB]

You're hurting both of them by just continuing correspondence. You don't want to share & neither do they so polyamory is out. Pick one, drop everything with the other. Neither of us is crucifying you for "having a heart & caring about people". Quite the opposite. We're asking you to have one & think about how you're effecting both of these people.
I'm done though. This is circular & redundant, good luck.

This pisses me off. Any of us about to ctb is going to do something that people who care about us will no doubt label selfish and wrong. There is way more to this issue than 'cheating is wrong'
You could try having a conversation with the OP not just criticising for the sake of it.
I once cheated on a partner because he was regularly violent to me and I wanted someone to show me affection. Cheating is not always wrong there are so many reasons for it. For fucks sake.. it makes me laugh. Any one of us could shoot ourselves in the head and let our family member find us and get support on ss, but cheating apparently is taboo? Jesus....

 

[Life_and_Death]

This pisses me off. Any of us about to ctb is going to do something that people who care about us will no doubt label selfish and wrong. There is way more to this issue than 'cheating is wrong'
You could try having a conversation with the OP not just criticising for the sake of it.
I once cheated on a partner because he was regularly violent to me and I wanted someone to show me affection. Cheating is not always wrong there are so many reasons for it. For fucks sake.. it makes me laugh. Any one of us could shoot ourselves in the head and let our family member find us and get support on ss, but cheating apparently is taboo? Jesus....

thank you

 

[summers]

@Life_and_Death and @TessB I don't think either of your situations constitute cheating.

@Life_and_Death is in a relationship with two people - not cheating.

@TessB if someone is violent to you, you owe them nothing, including monogamy. A relationship should make you feel happy and secure, not afraid.

 

[Life_and_Death]

@Life_and_Death and @TessB I don't think either of your situations constitute cheating.

@Life_and_Death is in a relationship with two people - not cheating.

@TessB if someone is violent to you, you owe them nothing, including monogamy. A relationship should make you feel happy and secure, not afraid.

to clarify, im in a relationship with one and the other is being a supportive friend, lol

 

[questionm]

Already stated that so long as I get brought up I'll welcome myself back:

I'll stay gone if you stop mentioning me after I respect your wish to leave.

I once cheated on a partner because he was regularly violent

Except that's not what's going on here.

you giving an opinion to a situation you know absolutely nothing about.

Except I do know about it because you've already laid the situation out.

im hopeful that through my therapist i can figure it out and maybe we could all work something out.

Any therapist interested in harm reduction (their job) is going to tell you the same thing I & several others in this thread already have.
You have two options, one of which is already null & void since you've already stated that neither other partner would be interested in sharing you in a love triangle. The other option is what I already stated: Pick one, drop the other.

to clarify, im in a relationship with one and the other is being a supportive friend, lol

Drop the "supportive friend". He's not being supportive & he has no intention of only being your friend. This is evidenced by the fact that you've already started to develop feelings for him which I garuntee you is his intention. He's just wedging himself in between your relationship (which sounds like it would be healthy otherwise) to get to you. You can take offence to this if you want but that's not what I'm intending to do. I'm giving you the perspective from the other side of which I've been on both. I've been the guy in the relationship with the girl who has another boy in her ear who she "swears is just a friend" & I've even been the asshole who "swears he's just a friend". Every guy reading this should know exactly what I'm talking about because this is a trope as old as time.

 

[Symbiote]

Drop the "supportive friend". He's not being supportive & he has no intention of only being your friend. This is evidenced by the fact that you've already started to develop feelings for him which I garuntee you is his intention. He's just wedging himself in between your relationship (which sounds like it would be healthy otherwise) to get to you. You can take offence to this if you want but that's not what I'm intending to do. I'm giving you the perspective from the other side of which I've been on both. I've been the guy in the relationship with the girl who has another boy in her ear who she "swears is just a friend" & I've even been the asshole who "swears he's just a friend". Every guy reading this should know exactly what I'm talking about because this is a trope as old as time.

Men can still have platonic relationships with other females without developing feelings for a female. Not every guy who's friend's with a woman is gunning for her affections. C'mon now, this is the 21st century.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Men can still have platonic relationships with other females without developing feelings for a female. Not every guy who's friend's with a woman is gunning for her affections. C'mon now, this is the 21st century.

or maybe even if he does have feelings knows its best to not show them

 

[Symbiote]

or maybe even if he does have feelings knows its best to not show them

That too, either as a show of respect or establishing selfcontrol and boundaries. Been friends with females who had boyfriends/husbands, and although I do care about them, I also know that any type of intimacy is off-limits and that if she were to try to pull something on me, I would step back.

 

[Life_and_Death]

That too, either as a show of respect or establishing selfcontrol and boundaries. Been friends with females who had boyfriends/husbands, and although I do care about them, I also know that any type of intimacy is off-limits and that if she were to try to pull something on me, I would step back.

exactly, he wants to keep me in his life but understands that i am with someone so he helps me out with my mental problems when i need someone to talk to. hes even helped me with my relationship a few times.

 

[Symbiote]

I love my wife, and I love my friends. I'm intimate with my wife, but I am NOT intimate with my friends. That's where the line is drawn. Hope that helps.

 

[fixitinpost]

Drop the "supportive friend". He's not being supportive & he has no intention of only being your friend. This is evidenced by the fact that you've already started to develop feelings for him which I garuntee you is his intention. He's just wedging himself in between your relationship (which sounds like it would be healthy otherwise) to get to you. You can take offence to this if you want but that's not what I'm intending to do. I'm giving you the perspective from the other side of which I've been on both. I've been the guy in the relationship with the girl who has another boy in her ear who she "swears is just a friend" & I've even been the asshole who "swears he's just a friend". Every guy reading this should know exactly what I'm talking about because this is a trope as old as time.

I'm a guy and please don't include me in your generalizations. Thanks.

 

[TessB]

Already stated that so long as I get brought up I'll welcome myself back:



Except that's not what's going on here.


Except I do know about it because you've already laid the situation out.


Any therapist interested in harm reduction (their job) is going to tell you the same thing I & several others in this thread already have.
You have two options, one of which is already null & void since you've already stated that neither other partner would be interested in sharing you in a love triangle. The other option is what I already stated: Pick one, drop the other.


Drop the "supportive friend". He's not being supportive & he has no intention of only being your friend. This is evidenced by the fact that you've already started to develop feelings for him which I garuntee you is his intention. He's just wedging himself in between your relationship (which sounds like it would be healthy otherwise) to get to you. You can take offence to this if you want but that's not what I'm intending to do. I'm giving you the perspective from the other side of which I've been on both. I've been the guy in the relationship with the girl who has another boy in her ear who she "swears is just a friend" & I've even been the asshole who "swears he's just a friend". Every guy reading this should know exactly what I'm talking about because this is a trope as old as time.

'He has no intention of only being your friend', it's a little bit arrogant to think you know what's going on in the minds of people you have only heard about third hand.. Who do you think you are? Mystic Meg or something?

 

[questionm]

exactly, he wants to keep me in his life but understands that i am with someone so he helps me out with my mental problems when i need someone to talk to. hes even helped me with my relationship a few times.

Is the partner you're with happy about the fact that this person is in your life or has he shown signs of distrust or discomfort?

I'm a guy and please don't include me in your generalizations. Thanks.

How happy would you be if you found out your partner was developing feelings for someone who they both swore "were just friends"?

Men can still have platonic relationships with other females without developing feelings for a female. Not every guy who's friend's with a woman is gunning for her affections. C'mon now, this is the 21st century.

Yes but OP started this entire thread with the notion that she's conflicted about the situation, enough so to the point that she's venting about it on a suicide forum. Does this really sound healthy? If this person is really who they say they are don't you think this person would realize that they're complicating an otherwise happy relationship even if under the guise of offering "relationship advice"?

it's a little bit arrogant to think you know what's going on in the minds of people you have only heard about third hand

There's a simple test OP can do to figure out this persons intentions. Just "offer herself" willingly to this "supportive friend" & find out the results. Uncomfortable as that might sound it would clear up whatevers in their head whichever one they're actually thinking with.

This is obviously a problem as evidenced by the fact that it was brought up to begin with. Is anybody actually interested in solving it or would we rather all just shrug our shoulders & say "it's complicated" so as not to offend?

 

[Symbiote]

There's a simple test OP can do to figure out this persons intentions. Just "offer herself" willingly to this "supportive friend" & find out the results. Uncomfortable as that might sound it would clear up whatevers in their head whichever one they're actually thinking with.

LOL, this is the worst idea ever. I can see that backfiring awkwardly.

 

[questionm]

LOL, this is the worst idea ever. I can see that backfiring awkwardly.

NGL it depends on the execution but you're not wrong either. Either way. Whatever this "friends" intentions are & however the people disagreeing with me feel, understand this. This situation is obviously putting a strain on OPs relationship & further complicating issues with their mental health. I'm failing to see how this friend is "supportive" in anyway when they're the cause of this thread being born to begin with whether they're aware of it or not.

We can all choose to hide our head in the sand, offer our additional support until her relationship breaks down under the obvious strain of this situation until OP shows up back here in an even worse position than she is now. Or, she can be honest with her partner & this other person. They're causing problems. Whatever their intention is, doesn't matter. This thread wasn't made for no reason. My original advice stands regardless, as much as she may not like hearing it, as much as it may come off as offensive or derisive. She should save/cherish her relationship & mental health because we're not all so blessed. Drop the friend.

 

[summers]

Been friends with females who had boyfriends/husbands, and although I do care about them, I also know that any type of intimacy is off-limits and that if she were to try to pull something on me, I would step back.

but I am NOT intimate with my friends. That's where the line is drawn. Hope that helps.

Here's my take - I can be 100% platonic, and will never push for more. But, if a friend ever wants to be more than just friends (and assuming there's an attraction) I'm not going to say no.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I love how they said it's not healthy like fucking treating me like this. This is going to bring me closer to my suicide then my boy problem.

Go away somewhere. You've already proven you don't know shit so just stop. This is harassment at this point. I have told you to leave me alone many times.
@questionm are you having fun? I already said I feel like shit multiple times. I've already put a lot of thought into killing myself over it. Are you having fun making me feel worse? Are you having fun driving me closer to suicide? Because I'm serious. I have no reason to lie when all of that is true. You are driving me to suicide. Are you fucking proud of yourself? And yet you say you aren't a dick. Wow! You clearly don't give a fuck about other people. At no time did I say I was cheating or doing anything. You know nothing of the situation. And clearly doing nothing more then being a biased prick. Take your problems elsewhere and put this thread on ignore. I have my own problems and I don't fucking need your damn help.
Fucking bulls hit like you're putting me thorough a why I keep my problems to myself. Now ever since I showed up I've been putting up with this kind of bullshit everytime I try to share something. This is suppose to be a supportive community but I have to put up with assholes. You're as bad as the people from fixthe26. youre doing nothing more then silencing me and making it so I want to leave my problems to fester until I die because Im clearly better off with that option if this is the way I'm going to be constantly treated.

You don't know my life, you'll never know my life. So never fucking judge me. I haven't judged you on things I haven't seen so why are you treating me differently. I haven't done shit to you!

 

[Lmd]

Welp that's something common. People are attracted to more than one person in their lifetime only that we decided to keep one and follow established rules. Feels bad to be in that situation and I know it's something delicate and difficult to deal with but I'm sure you'll find a solution that does the least damage possible, both to them and to you.

 

[questionm]

I'll stay gone if you stop mentioning me after I respect your wish to leave

Already stated that so long as I get brought up I'll welcome myself back:

This is harassment at this point. I have told you to leave me alone many times.
@questionm are you having fun?

No. Going to stop trying to get the message across that if you keep shitting on me after I leave, that I see no reason not to come back to defend myself or put more cents in though. It's not getting through just like anything else I've said. Just going to hit that ignore button like you "want".

You clearly don't give a fuck about other people.

I did care. About 2 people I've never even met, then you. Now not at all. I'm over it, world is a fuck.
For the 3rd time now: Bye.

 

[Life_and_Death]

No. Going to stop trying to get the message across that if you keep shitting on me after I leave, that I see no reason not to come back to defend myself or put more cents in though. It's not getting through just like anything else I've said. Just going to hit that ignore button like you "want".

I did care. About 2 people I've never even met, then you. Now not at all. I'm over it, world is a fuck.
For the 3rd time now: Bye.

You cared about me? You fucking came on here saying my problems aren't valid then told me shit I already know. Let me reiterate

I already said I feel like shit multiple times. I've already put a lot of thought into killing myself over it

Now take the hint. And fuck off

I'm sorry wanting to die isn't enough for you. Maybe I should go kill myself.
The proper way to handle it if you cared would have been to say that this is what could have happened, not " It comes off like a millionaire bemoaning what to do with their riches to the poor." cuz yeah that was really fucking appropriate on a suicide site.

 

[TessB]

You cared about me? You fucking came on here saying my problems aren't valid then told me shit I already know. Let me reiterate

Now take the hint. And fuck off

I'm sorry wanting to die isn't enough for you. Maybe I should go kill myself.
The proper way to handle it if you cared would have been to say that this is what could have happened, not " It comes off like a millionaire bemoaning what to do with their riches to the poor." cuz yeah that was really fucking appropriate on a suicide site.

I won't reply to their thread as I seriously don't want to get more bullshit from them.. but they clearly have a major attitude problem... the 'millionaire' comment made that crystal clear..I guess this person sees themselves as the 'poor' in this analogy and is very bitter as a result.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I won't reply to their thread as I seriously don't want to get more bullshit from them.. but they clearly have a major attitude problem... the 'millionaire' comment made that crystal clear..I guess this person sees themselves as the 'poor' in this analogy and is very bitter as a result.

What's funny is it just goes to show they know nothing of the situation and yet still insist on judging me on it. In the sense that I have 2 people that care about me they're right however I'm not fucking both of them and the situation I'm in is mentally and emotionally impossible because there is no right desision and very stressful for me. I really don't need this bs lol.