Venting Relationship and fake friends

[deathonthehorizon]

This is my first post but I've been a member for a year or so. Anyways I feel suicidal even though I have no resources to do it yet besides crashing my car. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday and I texted my friends that are mutual with him but they never replied to me and then I figured out they all went to dinner together. I just feel like it's a slap to the face. I've done so much for them with helping out with their mental health and I wasn't expecting them to take a side but they did and totally ignored me. I blocked both of them. I thought they were my friends and now it feels like I have nobody. I've left a voicemail to my therapist, texted the crisis number and talked on the phone with another crisis care center. These feelings are just so overwhelming. I either have to end it all or be totally fine by Friday because I have to tour a college. I have nobody to talk to at this point and I just feel so freaking lonely. I woke up 2 hours ago after dreaming about him and I texted him earlier but he never responded and I called and i let it ring twice before I hung up so idk if I'm blocked or not. I don't want to stay in a relationship with him anymore but for my friends to turn on me after I thought I could trust them really hurts. I just want to fall back asleep at this point but these racing thoughts of wanting to end my life are so prevalent and won't go away after I've tried my coping skills. I'm just at a loss and idk what to do anymore.

 

[F&Inside]

I am sorry for this painful situation you are going through. But if they don't even want to talk to you, they are not your friends, maybe it was never a real and reciprocal friendship. You have to accept it, let them go and look for someone who does make you feel good and reciprocated.
Best regards.