maneose
天天天国地獄国
- Sep 10, 2023
- 149
i'm not sure if the title makes sense, but i thought it did. i've been dating my boyfriend for a year (it's been long-distance, but we've seen each other 3 times; it's about to be the 4th time in a few days). he started the relationship knowing i had alot of emotional issues and baggage, and that I self-harmed at the time and was very suicidal. but even so he still treated me with respect and with extreme care i hadn't really gotten from anyone in my life.
that being said, he hasn't struggled with ideation or self harm before, the most i would say is maybe some body image issues, but besides that he has a pretty strong head on his shoulders. my depression has basically been cut in half since dating him which i'm super happy about, he's become my comfort person and if anything happened i know that he will be there to listen to me. i still have alot of lingering issues from my last relationship which causes me not to want to talk about urges of self-harm and purposefully starving myself, we've had conversations about them and i lowkey have been banned from self-harming by him. he'll tell me to not do it and sometimes we compromise on waiting a week or two to see if i feel better (usually i do). this is a really good idea and does work, but i am also a very stubborn person and have been struggling with anxiety(my biggest trigger) more often and worse over the past month. i struggle with alot of food issues (being picky) which already causes me to undereat, and my past ex projecting an ED on me, my eating habits have become very dysfunctional to say the least. for like 2 weeks i was spent trying to lose weight and fast and got to 98lbs (not to bad as i was 103 originally). the only reason i stopped was that I let loose one day and since then been eating sorta normal. i'm about to visit him for a week and plan to eat to my hearts content, but when i get back i wanna start again. i feel really guilty about to telling him any of this, but feel like the fact i've been hiding it make things look worse. if i do fall back into bad habits does anyone have any good way to bring it up? and like.. kinda explaining my point of view that doesn't discredit is worrying...? lol
that being said, he hasn't struggled with ideation or self harm before, the most i would say is maybe some body image issues, but besides that he has a pretty strong head on his shoulders. my depression has basically been cut in half since dating him which i'm super happy about, he's become my comfort person and if anything happened i know that he will be there to listen to me. i still have alot of lingering issues from my last relationship which causes me not to want to talk about urges of self-harm and purposefully starving myself, we've had conversations about them and i lowkey have been banned from self-harming by him. he'll tell me to not do it and sometimes we compromise on waiting a week or two to see if i feel better (usually i do). this is a really good idea and does work, but i am also a very stubborn person and have been struggling with anxiety(my biggest trigger) more often and worse over the past month. i struggle with alot of food issues (being picky) which already causes me to undereat, and my past ex projecting an ED on me, my eating habits have become very dysfunctional to say the least. for like 2 weeks i was spent trying to lose weight and fast and got to 98lbs (not to bad as i was 103 originally). the only reason i stopped was that I let loose one day and since then been eating sorta normal. i'm about to visit him for a week and plan to eat to my hearts content, but when i get back i wanna start again. i feel really guilty about to telling him any of this, but feel like the fact i've been hiding it make things look worse. if i do fall back into bad habits does anyone have any good way to bring it up? and like.. kinda explaining my point of view that doesn't discredit is worrying...? lol
