Venting Really feeling it this morning

[Ash]

I've always had one foot in the "I want to: there's no future worth living" camp and the other in the "but I cant: I have responsibilities".

But this morning I'm so ready to pack it all in. And the only reason to not do it is curled up in a small hairy heap under my legs in bed, fast asleep and utterly oblivious to my thoughts, just happy that she managed to wriggle herself into her favourite sleeping position.

And I desperately want to be a selfish **** and walk away - but I can't.

And it's not even as though I'm currently giving her a particularly good life. I haven't walked her for over a month because of the anaemia - I can barely make it round the supermarket! The most exciting thing that happens in her life these days is a trip in the car somewhere. So I don't know why I'm so arrogant to assume that I'm the best person for her, anyway.

Oh well, time to make another cuppa and think about maybe getting up and feeding the wee beastie, then sit in the garden for a bit and have a self-pity party for one.

 

[Ln42]

I think you are the best person for her, she is obviously happy as she is snuggling with you. You are certainly not arrogant. Fur babies are special, but I understand the thoughts you are having. It's a horrible feeling and everything feels contradictory. I hope your day improves and there is nothing wrong with a pity party, I throw one daily .

 

[Ash]

Well she's effed off to lie in the sunshine now

And I can hear her trying to dig up the rug.

 

[Ln42]

It is a nice day here also, maybe take that tea outside and sit with her. Get some breakfast and have a chill day. I'm sorry you are having such a shit time, it's crap.

 

[Ash]

Thanks.

I'll get up in a bit. It's not quite warm enough to surrender the emotional comfort of the duvet.

 

[Ln42]

I don't blame you, duvets are the best! I waste my days longing for bedtime so I can get some peace from my lizard brain, when it allows.

 

[iloverachel]

I can understand your pain
I am also always on the fence between packing it all in, and trying to get better and being responsible. Some days its easy to just give up
As the other poster said, you are clearly not arrogant, as you are thinking about her and still taking care of her
I wish I could be there to join you in your self pity party

 

[Ash]

Uh huh. Everyone I know complains about autumn and the nights drawing in and I'm all "cold weather! Early bedtimes! Yay!"