sunflower_sunset
Member
- Jul 9, 2024
- 5
first things,, hey i'm new here and pretty ready to ctb. the only thing causing delays is method.
i'm annoyingly smart and rational so i know that unless i have something that can pretty much guarantee death, i won't do try it. i have tried to od 3 times but it clearly didn't work and i think i chose that method because i wanted this 'peaceful & painless death' that i'm pretty sure just doesn't exist.
so i'm branching out on ideas. so far, three have caught my interest, but the practicality is not quite there. good thing is, i'm happy to take my time getting the plan together.
option 1: partial hanging. now bare with me, i haven't researched that hard so i'm still lacking some understanding on it but it also seems like a pretty seamless method, easy process, not a huge clean up (i live with two autistic people so the less they have to see the better). my big thing is i'm 70% sure SI would kick in for me before i reached a point where it was effective. is it advisable to try using any opioids or meds to lessen my comprehension of what i'm actually doing to myself? also, i weigh a lot. i'm a morbidly obese 22 year old, so how would this change things for a partial hanging, if it does change anything at all? i have a good idea where i can do it and being the outdoorsy type, i have access to the rope i need so its really just about actually putting the idea in motion.
option 2: SN. i've been reading up a lot on it, purely out of curiosity whilst i waited for my membership to be approved. i understand the idea of it, and i kind of get what you need to do but i definitely need to keep reading up on it. realism on it though: i'm broke, i live in the UK (from what i've read i gathered the uk thing just makes it less achievable) and i don't know what state it will leave my body in to be found. as i mentioned above, i will be doing this in my flat because i can't afford to go anywhere else and i know i won't be interrupted before i'm beyond help. i have a dealer so getting H or F is not a huge problem if i need it alongside the SN (just assuming i need it based off the info i already gathered about SN). like i said, still need to research this one a little more to decide if it is even a possible option for me.
option 3: gunshot to head/ roof of mouth. again, i live in the UK, so i can't just nip to the shop for this. but, i've lived a pretty respectable lifestyle so far so the chances of being approved for a gun license aren't far from the realm of possibility. i would probably need to join a shooting group for a few months before applying for a license and in that time i can save money for an actual gun. out of all three, this is the most likely for me to follow through on. i say this because even though i intend to plan this properly, when it comes down to that final moment, it needs to feel somewhat do or die (ironic i know). if it's a split second choice that's pretty much irreversible, that's going to give me the opportunity i need to do it. to clarify i'm sure of it what i want to do, but im also human and you know, SI.
i also have ADHD so everything i do lives in the world of compulsion, which means as much as i have an idea of when i want to do it, i dont have an exact ctb deadline and i think once i have solidified a method and have what i need for it, i will just then have to wait until the moment it right. i want to get this right because to be honest, i have a great support system and i know that if it doesn't work, i'll never get the chance again which sounds idylic except the idea of living knowing everyone knows what i did will kill me before anything else does.
but yeah, any advice on which idea sounds like it would suit me best would be appreciated. i know people cant openly say which one but if anyone has some facts or experience with any of the options, i would really appreciate it.
i'm annoyingly smart and rational so i know that unless i have something that can pretty much guarantee death, i won't do try it. i have tried to od 3 times but it clearly didn't work and i think i chose that method because i wanted this 'peaceful & painless death' that i'm pretty sure just doesn't exist.
so i'm branching out on ideas. so far, three have caught my interest, but the practicality is not quite there. good thing is, i'm happy to take my time getting the plan together.
option 1: partial hanging. now bare with me, i haven't researched that hard so i'm still lacking some understanding on it but it also seems like a pretty seamless method, easy process, not a huge clean up (i live with two autistic people so the less they have to see the better). my big thing is i'm 70% sure SI would kick in for me before i reached a point where it was effective. is it advisable to try using any opioids or meds to lessen my comprehension of what i'm actually doing to myself? also, i weigh a lot. i'm a morbidly obese 22 year old, so how would this change things for a partial hanging, if it does change anything at all? i have a good idea where i can do it and being the outdoorsy type, i have access to the rope i need so its really just about actually putting the idea in motion.
option 2: SN. i've been reading up a lot on it, purely out of curiosity whilst i waited for my membership to be approved. i understand the idea of it, and i kind of get what you need to do but i definitely need to keep reading up on it. realism on it though: i'm broke, i live in the UK (from what i've read i gathered the uk thing just makes it less achievable) and i don't know what state it will leave my body in to be found. as i mentioned above, i will be doing this in my flat because i can't afford to go anywhere else and i know i won't be interrupted before i'm beyond help. i have a dealer so getting H or F is not a huge problem if i need it alongside the SN (just assuming i need it based off the info i already gathered about SN). like i said, still need to research this one a little more to decide if it is even a possible option for me.
option 3: gunshot to head/ roof of mouth. again, i live in the UK, so i can't just nip to the shop for this. but, i've lived a pretty respectable lifestyle so far so the chances of being approved for a gun license aren't far from the realm of possibility. i would probably need to join a shooting group for a few months before applying for a license and in that time i can save money for an actual gun. out of all three, this is the most likely for me to follow through on. i say this because even though i intend to plan this properly, when it comes down to that final moment, it needs to feel somewhat do or die (ironic i know). if it's a split second choice that's pretty much irreversible, that's going to give me the opportunity i need to do it. to clarify i'm sure of it what i want to do, but im also human and you know, SI.
i also have ADHD so everything i do lives in the world of compulsion, which means as much as i have an idea of when i want to do it, i dont have an exact ctb deadline and i think once i have solidified a method and have what i need for it, i will just then have to wait until the moment it right. i want to get this right because to be honest, i have a great support system and i know that if it doesn't work, i'll never get the chance again which sounds idylic except the idea of living knowing everyone knows what i did will kill me before anything else does.
but yeah, any advice on which idea sounds like it would suit me best would be appreciated. i know people cant openly say which one but if anyone has some facts or experience with any of the options, i would really appreciate it.
