ready to start the process of ctb but so scared

[comeoutandhauntme]

i've finally gotten things in place and am in a good position to go ahead and order my sn/meto, i know the place i'll ctb at, i have a general idea of when i'll do it, all that's left to do is just ORDER the stuff…but i'm scared.

it's so frustrating. on the one hand i'm so so ready to be done and just wish i could die right this instant, on the other hand ig the reality of it all is setting in?? not to mention the fear of getting caught or smth, like what if i get a welfare check for ordering sn?? i mean i don't think it's common in the us but idk. just wish i would be less of a coward

 

[tonicer]

I think it just means you are not ready to do it yet. Maybe the universe or god or whatever wants you to do something or experience something. I could go right now but that would break my mothers heart so i can't go before she goes.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i feel the same. it's like im trapped between living and dying with an equal fear of both. i waited too long and now i have to wait a few months to ctb but im so scared when the time comes the same kind of thing will happen. maybe it means i shouldn't die yet but i still feel the desire and i don't know what to do.

 

[takuyangel]

do not do not do not do not force it. order it when you are ready to die. don't lie to yourself, if you're not fully confident about going through right now, it's okay. you'll know when you're ready at another time.

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

I think it just means you are not ready to do it yet. Maybe the universe or god or whatever wants you to do something or experience something. I could go right now but that would break my mothers heart so i can't go before she goes.

maybe…i just can't think of what else there is for me to do LOL i'm pretty useless

do not do not do not do not force it. order it when you are ready to die. don't lie to yourself, if you're not fully confident about going through right now, it's okay. you'll know when you're ready at another time.

tbh i think im more afraid of getting caught and surviving and having to live through that, rather than i am of dying. i think ive made peace with whatever may lay for me afterwards and im not worried too much abt the process itself bc ive heard generally good accounts abt sn. but to even imagine having to live afterwards if i survive and face everyone…i just can't

 

[tonicer]

maybe…i just can't think of what else there is for me to do LOL i'm pretty useless

No loved ones or family or friends? Maybe their need for you to be around is so high that it unconsciously makes you not want to do it.