Some things you may want to give some honest thought before doing anything further. And please don't feel like you have to give me or the members here any kind of explanation -- this is just the mental process and how it happened with me when I FINALLY decided to go no-contact with my entire family.
1. Why did you contact your dad now?? (No, "I don't know" is not an answer. If you truly don't know then go stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and FIND the answer.) You deserve that much. Be honest with yourself. Brutally so.
2. Everything else hinges on the answer to question number 1. For me, the honest answer was: "I want my parents, for ONCE in my miserable life, to acknowledge that I was loved. Even if it was just in the beginning." Thing is, I wasn't loved. Not by them anyway. I was always a means to an end for my narcissistic mother. First of all, she had my dad by the short hairs -- you didn't get a girl pregnant in the 1950s and not marry her. At least according to "polite" people.
3. Ok, so NOW that we have actually come to the realization that I was never anything but a pawn on the chessboard, that narrows down the list of possible options considerably. And makes any further decisions on my choice a bit easier, not necessarily to deal with, but to make in the first place.
4. Move SLOWLY. Especially if your family is anything like mine. Because if they are, you are probably gonna be money ahead and WAY better off to walk away and start your own "family". For instance, I have a couple of true friends in this world. One is the sister I never had. (I had sisters but ... YIKES!! My mom made sure I was ALWAYS the scapegoat -- I was the oldest so I HAD to know better.) And another is a friend I made here. She is adorable, and loving and caring and I love her like one of my own children.
5. Depending on your answers to yourself, and how your father (and/or other family members) treat you moving forward you need to decide as best you can anyway, what boundaries you need to put in place to keep yourself safe. These boundaries need to be reviewed regularly and updated/revised/reworked as often as you feel they need to be. Just remember -- the ONLY person responsible for you IS you. I'm not saying to not take anyone else's feelings/emotions/motives into account -- I am saying YOU drive this car and so YOU get to decide where it goes and when. And where it stops. And when, also.
6. I just want to say I honestly hope this turns out to be everything you have ever wanted/needed.
