9/10 today. When I was young it always felt like I had to fight to die. Fight against my will to live. It didn't matter how depressed I was, there was always something in my head stopping me from fully committing to suicide. But now that I am older it is starting to become the opposite. Still very much depressed but now I have people depending upon me. People who wouldn't be able to survive without me. But the big difference is that I feel like I lost my will to survive. I now feel like I have to fight everyday to keep living and I don't know how much more fight I have left in me.
Chaestergram
Free spirit
- Nov 24, 2021
- 90
Right now, 10 is not enough, infinity is more accurate.
friendofbirds
Member
- Jun 6, 2022
- 63
probably about a 3 or 4. i have a rough plan in place but i have to decide a date and the particulars of it
Sweet Chainsaw
Member
- Dec 6, 2020
- 45
coyotestark
Free at last, free at last.
- Jun 13, 2022
- 72
10, my impulsive behavior has really ramped up as the time draws near, I may follow through earlier than expected.
CursedSoul
Cursed to stay, Cursed to Suffer...
- Jun 4, 2022
- 69
10, all my life. i was at like 5 when my girlfriend was loving and caring, but now she i'snt lol, a shit, here we go again
Lullaby
🌙
- Mar 9, 2022
- 650
9 I just really want to go now but I can't because I promised someone I would visit and I don't want them to feel bad or mad at me.
My boyfriend is still cheating. I want to go
My boyfriend is still cheating. I want to go
Today I am at level 4. I am distracted for now.
I think I have to be more mindful of my depressive, negative, and suicidal thoughts, especially since the puzzle pieces for self-deletion are in place.
I think I have to be more mindful of my depressive, negative, and suicidal thoughts, especially since the puzzle pieces for self-deletion are in place.
Zegers
Enlightened
- Dec 15, 2021
- 1,761
September was the last time I was a bit lively, since then, 10. I don't feel good, I feel sick and with an injury that drains my energy, no friends and barely go outside and I don't see that I can feel good in the future. I don't think I want to start another year like this and hopefully never be a mediocre human ever again. The last few years have just gotten worse. My only illusion was to travel and it was broken in pieces, no hope, just inertia until I can leave.
10
I don't want to be here anymore i'm so tired and nothing ever is getting better i'm just tired and i want to go really bad
I started self harming again i can't do it anymore i don't cRe about any promises i made to anyone i'm tired
I don't want to be here anymore i'm so tired and nothing ever is getting better i'm just tired and i want to go really bad
I started self harming again i can't do it anymore i don't cRe about any promises i made to anyone i'm tired
FailureGirl
lost in limbo...
- Jul 5, 2021
- 133
10
I am leaving very soon and I am so excited lol
My suicidal thoughts are a 10 right now but my happiness is also a 10. I feel so at peace right now it's numbing but I also feel kind of guilt for breaking my promise that I would hang out with this one person. I am so ready to see my twin again it's going to be great I have not felt like a real person since he took his life I always copied him so this is no big surprise.
I am leaving very soon and I am so excited lol
My suicidal thoughts are a 10 right now but my happiness is also a 10. I feel so at peace right now it's numbing but I also feel kind of guilt for breaking my promise that I would hang out with this one person. I am so ready to see my twin again it's going to be great I have not felt like a real person since he took his life I always copied him so this is no big surprise.
Feel like I'm a risky 9 today. I seriously might just go ahead over the weekend
Around 4 I'd say. I'm feeling a bit better the past few days.
The thing is that sometimes it just shoots up to a solid 8 or 9 with no apparent trigger.
The thing is that sometimes it just shoots up to a solid 8 or 9 with no apparent trigger.
Γyuk
Member
- May 21, 2022
- 90
Graham
Student
- May 28, 2022
- 164
Peak s at 10 a couple of weeks back starry over Beachy
About 3 now
Things due to happen think week which will push it back to 10 or hopefully go down
Fucked up times
About 3 now
Things due to happen think week which will push it back to 10 or hopefully go down
Fucked up times
Bibotik470
Member
- Jun 17, 2022
- 20
friendofbirds
Member
- Jun 6, 2022
- 63
JayJay
Member
- Jun 17, 2022
- 76
Risperdead
Agenda 2030 Sustainable Death
- Jul 20, 2021
- 49
9 , end and peaceful rest is not that far so i cope through the day
ImsooDone1N
Arcanist
- Nov 22, 2018
- 846
10/10 :( But things can (and do indeed get worse). As of this year things have been the most shaky, unstable, challenging, scary, and just the most awful time of my life. Being homeless & using drugs, I was not this depressed or hopeless. The worst is I have NO support irl, at all. Nothing, and I dont even have anyone online who i communicate w/ regularly. All of society seems to be ignoring me or just moved on and I get no incoming calls, no messages, nothing. Its really bad. Sleep is all I look forward to, aside from death. I never looked forward to death like I do now. It was always something that comforted me during difficult times- knowing this suffering will eventually end. But now Its actually something I'm ready for and welcome now. I cant enjoy anything except sleep. Tried to get help, but it seems out of reach. The help I am receiving is so poor, its almost like I'm not getting any help- sucks esp. because I do want the help now. But I cant function and everyone is sick and tired of me & just mad/fed up.
