I feel guilty that I am not entertaining this forum with new interesting threads. I am very unstable. Again quite paranoid even worse than yesterday. Tomorrow is my free day I hope I can stop ruminating and overthinking. I studied today a lot. Though I try not to take the addictive medication. Today is my third day in a row.
But there is also another reason why I am not that active. I am currently chatting with a bipolar girl. I think she is at the beginning of a manic episode. She is delusional and really manic. I have made threads about her. I don't want her as a gf this is why it is so easy for me to chat with her. She is not really fully sane but I like her. When she is manic she endangers her life. The therapists are really desperate about her case. It is pathological that she stops her medication I think this is caused by mania and delusions. I think and probably many of her therapists think that her life will end by suicide or an accident. She almost killed herself during a psychotic episode. She told me therapists deny her therapy due to the fact she denies medication. I think it must be a horrible responsibility to have her as a patient. I think other people have given up on her.
I try not to carry the weight of responsibility too much. Honestly she almost always ignores my tips and advices. Moreover I am also very vulnerable and unstable but it is not really that much of a burden for me. It would hit me a lot if she killed herself. But honestly I cannot really prevent that. She does not listen to me.
My suicidality is like a 5. I am again paranoid due to the girl from college. It is very likely only delusional. I try not to think too much about it. I have explained the whole shit again to my friends. They tell me I am overthinking things in an extreme way.
I am really scared about another manic or psychotic episode. I try to relax. Sad music and this forum help me to get down. Yesterday it worked. But today it is all too much for me.
But there is also another reason why I am not that active. I am currently chatting with a bipolar girl. I think she is at the beginning of a manic episode. She is delusional and really manic. I have made threads about her. I don't want her as a gf this is why it is so easy for me to chat with her. She is not really fully sane but I like her. When she is manic she endangers her life. The therapists are really desperate about her case. It is pathological that she stops her medication I think this is caused by mania and delusions. I think and probably many of her therapists think that her life will end by suicide or an accident. She almost killed herself during a psychotic episode. She told me therapists deny her therapy due to the fact she denies medication. I think it must be a horrible responsibility to have her as a patient. I think other people have given up on her.
I try not to carry the weight of responsibility too much. Honestly she almost always ignores my tips and advices. Moreover I am also very vulnerable and unstable but it is not really that much of a burden for me. It would hit me a lot if she killed herself. But honestly I cannot really prevent that. She does not listen to me.
My suicidality is like a 5. I am again paranoid due to the girl from college. It is very likely only delusional. I try not to think too much about it. I have explained the whole shit again to my friends. They tell me I am overthinking things in an extreme way.
I am really scared about another manic or psychotic episode. I try to relax. Sad music and this forum help me to get down. Yesterday it worked. But today it is all too much for me.
