Random thoughts

[woxihuanni]

Anyone else find it strange that you are who you are? I mean, why do we have the perspectives that we have? In other words, how come I see and think through my eyes/brain and you see/think through yours? What makes someone, someone? It's a concept that is very difficult to articulate and I'm not sure if I could simplify it more than that lol

I was thinking of this just last night. It really is like there is a part of us, I can almost visualise it as a pose/an expression, and it determines all the little things. Experience seems to have little effect on it.

My thoughts came from this starting point: I am a rather rare mixture of opinions/stances, and easily irritated by anything that gets too much. But it does not go so far as to hate something simply because it's popular, either. (Though what I hate does coincide with what is popular very often.)

Though I find common ground with most people, and many people click with me instantly, I cannot fully click/bond with someone. Except one person. It's because they seem to have the same brain. Opinions on moral issues? Check. Opinion on a new cheese we try? Check. Gut feeling about new person we meet? Check. It's not just that 'we both have x hobby'. Just that we seem to have a 'crappiness detector' that works precisely in the same way.

But we have very different backgrounds and experiences. I still wonder what makes us the same, and it is a pose I picture in my mind. As if we are going through life putting on a show, but somewhere in there is a child who is really disappointed with everything, and appreciates only wild, natural beauty, and is irritated with all the sensations life is throwing at them. A sort of tired, disappointed, withdrawn pose, but with a tinge of longing for something that is not artificial or forced.

Sorry if none of it makes sense. :)

 

[Wayfaerer]

I was thinking of this just last night. It really is like there is a part of us, I can almost visualise it as a pose/an expression, and it determines all the little things. Experience seems to have little effect on it.

My thoughts came from this starting point: I am a rather rare mixture of opinions/stances, and easily irritated by anything that gets too much. But it does not go so far as to hate something simply because it's popular, either. (Though what I hate does coincide with what is popular very often.)

Though I find common ground with most people, and many people click with me instantly, I cannot fully click/bond with someone. Except one person. It's because they seem to have the same brain. Opinions on moral issues? Check. Opinion on a new cheese we try? Check. Gut feeling about new person we meet? Check. It's not just that 'we both have x hobby'. Just that we seem to have a 'crappiness detector' that works precisely in the same way.

But we have very different backgrounds and experiences. I still wonder what makes us the same, and it is a pose I picture in my mind. As if we are going through life putting on a show, but somewhere in there is a child who is really disappointed with everything, and appreciates only wild, natural beauty, and is irritated with all the sensations life is throwing at them. A sort of tired, disappointed, withdrawn pose, but with a tinge of longing for something that is not artificial or forced.

Sorry if none of it makes sense. :)

Yeah, I get what you mean.

 

[woxihuanni]

It was raining gently on a fairy tale town by the sea. Bats were zooming around the tower. I skinny dipped in the rain at night.

And that was the last day of my life.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

What if Germany had not invaded USSR in 1941?

 

[ReverendGreen]

I hate myself.

 

[Orin]

The problem with most people is they'd rather do bad shit that isn't weird than good stuff that's deemed as weird.

 

[Daniela]

hahahaha shit I deleted one account I used to converse with a Significant Man without downloading a back up of the conversations

Actually crying real grief

I mean I would have deleted everything either way but I hadnt reread the conversations and I really regret doing so, in my present misery.

Coping: Tylenol by the mouthful (absolutely not recommended) + turning off the default fear of abandonment in my brain and giving myself permission of imagining him thinking I'm the s*it

 

[Flume]

Today I made a really sad track. I'll upload to my personal soundcloud when it's time... it'll be my quiet goodbye to thoose that find it.

 

[Mort]

Nights are the worst.

Before all this started, I had just come back from the brink of death (not ctb). Sometimes I wonder if I actually died and went to hell.

I know that feeling well i all most died ones my breathing got mess up my lungs all most stop working . Got to the point where I could not get out of bed but had to one night as needed to pee . I made it but had to sit down on the laundry box in the bathroom my breathing got worse and worse got so painful. I started to black out my eyesight just faded away the pain was bad like getting stitch after running a lot but ten timees worse. Then it all went away i felt all warm and fussy it was so peaceful not pain no fear just felt so happy. Then i knew what was happening i was dieing but was not frightened was sort of happy then my stupid brain kicked in and no you cant die and all the pain came back. The fear panic the fite to breathe through the pain was i piss that i came back. I never felt so a peace when i was dieing i often wish that i had let go knowing i may never feel that ever again really piss me of . One day may be get back to the warm peaceful place and one way hope its soon to .

 

[brokenengine]

This morning my dad told me that I have to go to church with my family when I'm home to "respect my parents" ugh.

I don't really want to kill myself, I just want to escape my life but I can't see any other way. I'd like to just leave, take the things that are most important to me and just start walking and see where I end up. That's when I wish I was a guy, with more traditionally masculine skills that would allow me to work for people. And I wish I could just travel alone without worrying about being kidnapped or raped.

 

[Flume]

I really wonder what a professional psychiatrist would think of this place.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

I really wonder what a professional psychiatrist would think of this place.

Yes, I would be curious to know, but... f***'em all psys nevertheless!

 

[Naki]

Hopefully we get snow before 2020.

 

[noctiva]

He knows I'll kill myself, he said he'll check up on me, that was more than 4 weeks ago. He never checked. People tell me that's good, that means I mean so much he can't act and is scared. I'm not following that logic.

 

[Flume]

He knows I'll kill myself, he said he'll check up on me, that was more than 4 weeks ago. He never checked. People tell me that's good, that means I mean so much he can't act and is scared. I'm not following that logic.

I know all about feeling invincible. I wish I could say something that'll make it easier for you... but I can't. Being trapped in this feeling is hell, at least you're not alone

 

[Lefty]

Feeling worried.

 

[Flume]

Can I live, can I have a soul... can I love another human being? I think it's to late.