Random thoughts

[not_a_robot]

I wonder how many "Random thoughts" threads are on SS.

 

[suffering]

Too sleepy to stay awake... too awake to fall asleep..

 

[Going Home]

There's a difference between being stupid and anxious.

 

[k75]

Toxic.

Everything is toxic. It feels like the whole world decided to spew toxic shit all over me today.

What happened to empathy?

 

[Donewith_]

Do you ever feel like your life is like a thing that is lost in floods.. iike you have no control over it..
And you go wherever it takes
I despise this

Living in a imaginary world to escape.. i certainly ruined my life completely. Idk if there is any positive thing that happens with me being alive.

I made a mistake by taking up this life. I don't know how to live.
Thats true.
I have spent my whole life thinking , rethinking things... i was always a lost old soul.
I wanted something that i don't know.
I fell flat on my face. Today, this body is a huge burden to my parents..nothing more.
I failed. I am tired of sapping and hanging around here for a long time. I wish i got help when i was in need of it. May be i shouldn't think about it..it'll not happen.
Why don't i see terrible people like me around me. May be I'm alone in this.. its good tho.
I know people around the world are facing terrible things too... at a much younger age. What am i still waiting for
I know what had happened
This feeling of unknown is haunting me. Why should it always have to be like this
I am tired of this and people around me too

 

[woxihuanni]

Nights are the worst.

Before all this started, I had just come back from the brink of death (not ctb). Sometimes I wonder if I actually died and went to hell.

 

[Aliaiactaest]

Nights are the best. I can still sleep well.

 

[woxihuanni]

I need to change the sheets. It feels completely wrong to change them when they are not here, and they won't be sleeping in them with me.

 

[blanketyblk]

So after what happened at work yesterday day and last night, I've come to the realization that i am just done. i don't have it in me to fight any more. I'm just to broken and just hurt to much and can get triggered by the slightest comment. going to get my exit plan started.

edit: at work yesterday, i was re-assigned from customer service to back into med research (yah) but while packing up my desk i over heard a few of the women i work with out in the hall saying 'thank god she is being moved, she is just too weird'. broke the little bits that still remain of my heart. nearly burst into tears. but kept it together until i got home.

 

[DeathImminent]

So after what happened at work yesterday day and last night, I've come to the realization that i am just done. i don't have it in me to fight any more. I'm just to broken and just hurt to much and can get triggered by the slightest comment. going to get my exit plan started.

edit: at work yesterday, i was re-assigned from customer service to back into med research (yah) but while packing up my desk i over heard a few of the women i work with out in the hall saying 'thank god she is being moved, she is just too weird'. broke the little bits that still remain of my heart. nearly burst into tears. but kept it together until i got home.

Dont bother with them they are stupid bitches!

 

[blanketyblk]

Dont bother with them they are stupid bitches!

Aye, normally i could, but at the moment it's death by a thousand cuts. i just to hurt to shrug it off any more. but your right. i shouldn't give a damn what other people stay especially since I'm 40+ years old. but yeah. just too broken to shrug it off any more.

 

[DeathImminent]

Aye, normally i could, but at the moment it's death by a thousand cuts. i just to hurt to shrug it off any more. but your right. i shouldn't give a damn what other people stay especially since I'm 40+ years old. but yeah. just too broken to shrug it off any more.

Be strong, sending you big eHUG :)
Social withdrawal,bullying etc. Is always hard to deal with. I hope you have some good ppl around you that can support you.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

So after what happened at work yesterday day and last night, I've come to the realization that i am just done. i don't have it in me to fight any more. I'm just to broken and just hurt to much and can get triggered by the slightest comment. going to get my exit plan started.

edit: at work yesterday, i was re-assigned from customer service to back into med research (yah) but while packing up my desk i over heard a few of the women i work with out in the hall saying 'thank god she is being moved, she is just too weird'. broke the little bits that still remain of my heart. nearly burst into tears. but kept it together until i got home.

Omg that's awful. I know what it means to be considered too weird by others. I know it's impossible to ignore it so I won't recommend you to forget. You're not alone.

 

[blanketyblk]

Be strong, sending you big eHUG :)
Social withdrawal,bullying etc. Is always hard to deal with. I hope you have some good ppl around you that can support you.

Thanks, muchly for the hugs, sadly my social circle is gone, most of them have passed away. sucks getting old.

Omg that's awful. I know what it means to be considered too weird by others. I know it's impossible to ignore it so I won't recommend you to forget. You're not alone.

Thanks. yeah. really hurt to hear that. i was under the impression that i was actually semi-good friends with these women but as per normal. women can be out right nasty to each other when they want to be. hell, they eve brought me a cake and a nice present when i came back to work. so um yeah! :-(

 

[Donewith_]

When you are mentally dead..or you are dead inside completely..
And your body is alive..
Its very hard to breathe like this..

When you go to places of high altitude and try to feel the clouds , you can't catch them.. though they are a just a bit above your head.
Thats how i feel like.. i am unable to do anything in my life..and have no control over it. Its like..I'm out of it and watching it like a movie. But, i am able to feel the pain.
I really hope.. i will be the only one who will be dead in all this whats going on.
Its Heavy

It feels terrible.. i don't know how to handle things and to handle my emotions, stop feeling bad.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

My mother's side of the family has a history of thyroid cancer. I went to the doctor to get tested for thyroid cancer recently. The results came back negative. So disappointing. It would be easier if I could get a terminal disease.

Thanks. yeah. really hurt to hear that. i was under the impression that i was actually semi-good friends with these women but as per normal. women can be out right nasty to each other when they want to be. hell, they eve brought me a cake and a nice present when i came back to work. so um yeah! :-(

A lot of people can be so fake.

 

[woxihuanni]

My mother's side of the family has a history of thyroid cancer. I went to the doctor to get tested for thyroid cancer recently. The results came back negative. So disappointing. It would be easier if I could get a terminal disease.

I know, once when I was just done, I suspected a cancer as well and was so hopeful. It turned out to be some other terrible but curable thing.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I know, once when I was just done, I suspected a cancer as well and was so hopeful. It turned out to be some other terrible but curable thing.

I actually might have hugged the doctor if he told me I had cancer. Hell, I might have even done a happy dance in the middle of the doctor's office. That's how hopeful I was when I was waiting for my results.

 

[Baskol1]

I actually might have hugged the doctor if he told me I had cancer. Hell, I might have even done a happy dance in the middle of the doctor's office. That's how hopeful I was when I was waiting for my results.

He would be pretty weirded out.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

He would be pretty weirded out.

Haha I'm sure he would be. I already have a reputation for being weird though. And if I'm gonna die, why should I care? :D

 

[woxihuanni]

I actually might have hugged the doctor if he told me I had cancer. Hell, I might have even done a happy dance in the middle of the doctor's office. That's how hopeful I was when I was waiting for my results.

Fuck the circumstances that makes it like this. Argh!

 

[hunthunt]

Im so infinitely tired of miself, I wish i was born aagain as a "normal", decent, good person and not the stupid selfish cancer that im.

 

[woxihuanni]

Im so infinitely tired of miself, I wish i was born aagain as a "normal", decent, good person and not the stupid selfish cancer that im.

I'm sure that stupid selfish cancers do not really think that of themselves, so there's that.

 

[hunthunt]

I'm sure that stupid selfish cancers do not really think that of themselves, so there's that.

well yeah, they are just cells.

So Yeah, im worse than that

 

[GeorgeJL]

Gotta overcome and make it in this life at all costs unless my health goes south.

 

[Donewith_]

I am afraid a bit

Confusing

 

[Wayfaerer]

Anyone else find it strange that you are who you are? I mean, why do we have the perspectives that we have? In other words, how come I see and think through my eyes/brain and you see/think through yours? What makes someone, someone? It's a concept that is very difficult to articulate and I'm not sure if I could simplify it more than that lol

 

[mattwitt]

Message # 2000

 

[blanketyblk]

My planned CBT date is starting to get closer now. nothing much has changed me from moving it or delaying it.. this week i'm finishing the process of putting my houses and flat on the market. last weekend i sold parents cars.. starts to slowing reduce my assets i should be sad about this. but i'm not. i'm just numb to it now.

 

[mattwitt]

It's all lies, deceits, and crap !!!