Venting Rambling

[lavenderlilylies]

if i were to transform into anything in this world, I would probably choose to be a speck of dust. A true one in millions, but not in the gut wrenching, deeply Isolated human way. A dust speck isn't fazed by its insignificance, it doesn't embrace or grieve its existence, and it isn't tormented by the need to Be, it just is.

But if I must be living, I could be a cockroach with a shiny shell that seems wet to the touch. I get the same visceral reaction when I catch my reflection as I do when I see one crawling up walls, utter disgust. I despise those little creatures, almost as I do myself. It's only appropriate to meet my death by a shoe.

I stopped staring at myself. In hopes that I'll forget my features somehow. Not because I dislike them, although I do, but just to see myself through the eyes of a stranger. Similarly, I wish to forget all my other details, my voice, awkward demeanor, the way I say my name, parts of me that no one ever saw. I want to be reintroduced to myself. Is it clear that there's nothing behind my thick skull? Is it obvious I want to kill myself?

There's an unnamed stranger in my daydreams who's kind to me in the exact way I need a stranger to be. Someone that makes me forget that I want to be a speck of dust, or that I see myself as a cockroach

 

[Rihan]

I enjoyed reading this. I feel very touched by what you wrote.

 

[Aflame5926]

if i were to transform into anything in this world, I would probably choose to be a speck of dust. A true one in millions, but not in the gut wrenching, deeply Isolated human way. A dust speck isn't fazed by its insignificance, it doesn't embrace or grieve its existence, and it isn't tormented by the need to Be, it just is.

But if I must be living, I could be a cockroach with a shiny shell that seems wet to the touch. I get the same visceral reaction when I catch my reflection as I do when I see one crawling up walls, utter disgust. I despise those little creatures, almost as I do myself. It's only appropriate to meet my death by a shoe.

I stopped staring at myself. In hopes that I'll forget my features somehow. Not because I dislike them, although I do, but just to see myself through the eyes of a stranger. Similarly, I wish to forget all my other details, my voice, awkward demeanor, the way I say my name, parts of me that no one ever saw. I want to be reintroduced to myself. Is it clear that there's nothing behind my thick skull? Is it obvious I want to kill myself?

There's an unnamed stranger in my daydreams who's kind to me in the exact way I need a stranger to be. Someone that makes me forget that I want to be a speck of dust, or that I see myself as a cockroach

if i had to be forced to live it would be 1 day fly.
after 1 day my memories fill closer to be forgetten for the next circle.