earth_bound
sick 4ever
- Jan 9, 2024
- 13
I haven't slept in a week and going about every day honestly is exhausting. After ruining my reputation and practically my whole life, there's nothing left for me. I feel like a walking joke or actually I am. I'm a little hesitant to actually go through with ctb but I really wana get over that fear of how ill affect other people like my family. I'm also afraid of afterlife if there is one and maybe failing and permanently damaging my health. Ive said this before but im completely alone and isolated. Theres nothing left for me on this planet. To keep living would to keep repeaticycle of hurting myself/dignity/reputation and making others uncomfortable. I went to one therapy session and that was enough for me. I think it's incredibly stupid how society treats people who want to ctb as sick but does nothing to cure that "sickness" Other than lying to them or forcing meds. I'm done being lied to with the notion that it's possible for my life to get better. I'm going to be alone in this life forever. I miss my friends so much and wish so badly I wasn't treated like an insane monster for falling in love with a girl I used to be friends with. I hope to god I didn't make her uncomfortable with that shit. I hope to meet her on the other side, but of course if that's what she wants. I hope it's what she wants. She was so kind to me. BPD has ruined my life entirely, I've ruined my life entirely. I need to kill this body and move my soul on to something greater. Nothing is getting better in this lifetime.
