WhyIsLife56
Antinatalism + Efilism ❤️
- Nov 4, 2019
- 1,075
I think that's most people though if you think about it. Their like materialistic zombies or something.
OneBigBlur
Experienced
- Nov 30, 2019
- 231
Yeah, most. Many people spend their entire lives chasing things that don't matter at all, it's easier to be a sheep I guess.
WhyIsLife56
Antinatalism + Efilism ❤️
- Nov 4, 2019
- 1,075
It is. All you gotta do is not think critically at all lol
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
Well, I told you I'd be back. That didn't take long at all, did it?
As usual, this is about my sister-in-law. It's gotten to the point now where I feel like all of her constant and and unasked for "help" is starting to make me want to ctb more because I feel like it's the only way I'm going to get away from it. I have told her I don't need or want any help and if I need anything I'll let her know, but she still continues to do things that she thinks are helping. I keep telling her they are not helping and she won't listen to me!
I just got a text from her stating that she is sending her granddaughter down here to help me get some new health insurance for next year. She is sending her to my house without even asking me first if I want her here! I don't really give a damn about health insurance because well, all you all know that I'm not going to be here. She doesn't know that, but she does know that I don't care about the health insurance. I'm perfectly fine with the insurance I have. She doesn't like it so she wants me to change it next year. I keep telling her I don't want to and she keeps trying to drag me to her house to change it. Since she can't get me to go to her house, I guess now she's decided to send her granddaughter down here to invade my privacy and my space and force me to get new insurance that I don't even want!
Her "help" it's becoming more and more intrusive in my life. First, she comes over to my house uninvited and ruins my Thanksgiving. Then she makes a doctor's appointment for me that I don't ask for or want and drags me to it. And now she's invited her granddaughter over to my house without asking me if I want her here first, and she's trying to force me to get insurance that I don't even want. And I told her I don't want it and she's not listening to me!
Again, I know she think she's helping me, but she isn't. I'm actually starting to feel like I would just want to go now just to get away from her. I'm not going to do anything tonight, even though I really have a strong urge and I've gone and checked my supplies two or three times already to make sure it's still there. For some reason it makes me feel calmer just holding it in my hands.
Does anyone else have any intrusive friends or relatives that think they're helping you when they're not, and even though you keep telling them you don't need or want their help or that they aren't really helping you, they won't listen to you and they just keep doing things without asking you?
As usual, this is about my sister-in-law. It's gotten to the point now where I feel like all of her constant and and unasked for "help" is starting to make me want to ctb more because I feel like it's the only way I'm going to get away from it. I have told her I don't need or want any help and if I need anything I'll let her know, but she still continues to do things that she thinks are helping. I keep telling her they are not helping and she won't listen to me!
I just got a text from her stating that she is sending her granddaughter down here to help me get some new health insurance for next year. She is sending her to my house without even asking me first if I want her here! I don't really give a damn about health insurance because well, all you all know that I'm not going to be here. She doesn't know that, but she does know that I don't care about the health insurance. I'm perfectly fine with the insurance I have. She doesn't like it so she wants me to change it next year. I keep telling her I don't want to and she keeps trying to drag me to her house to change it. Since she can't get me to go to her house, I guess now she's decided to send her granddaughter down here to invade my privacy and my space and force me to get new insurance that I don't even want!
Her "help" it's becoming more and more intrusive in my life. First, she comes over to my house uninvited and ruins my Thanksgiving. Then she makes a doctor's appointment for me that I don't ask for or want and drags me to it. And now she's invited her granddaughter over to my house without asking me if I want her here first, and she's trying to force me to get insurance that I don't even want. And I told her I don't want it and she's not listening to me!
Again, I know she think she's helping me, but she isn't. I'm actually starting to feel like I would just want to go now just to get away from her. I'm not going to do anything tonight, even though I really have a strong urge and I've gone and checked my supplies two or three times already to make sure it's still there. For some reason it makes me feel calmer just holding it in my hands.
Does anyone else have any intrusive friends or relatives that think they're helping you when they're not, and even though you keep telling them you don't need or want their help or that they aren't really helping you, they won't listen to you and they just keep doing things without asking you?
Blue Moon
Truth is, the game was rigged from the start.
- Dec 11, 2019
- 47
I can't even find the energy to be angry about anything anymore. And that really pisses me off ;)
Green Destiny
Life isn't worth the trouble.
- Nov 16, 2019
- 862
Always plenty going on that I can get worked up about. Lately it's my mother because it's the stupid ass holidays so she's under even more stress than usual which in turn puts more stress on me. We've been fighting a lot the past few days because of it making each other more angry.
NitriteAnatomy
Lost. Alone. Trapped. Need escape.
- Nov 21, 2019
- 450
Random fun fact time. All the people that look down on suicide and mental health issues aiding in causing one to ctb never considered what Apoptosis is, did they? Our so called lives are all about death, from the moment we're conceived, until whatever number of things cause us to cash our tickets. Our cells are no different in that they are programmed to commit suicide, as well.
For anyone that wants to nerd out a bit
For anyone that wants to nerd out a bit
Programmed Cell Death (Apoptosis) - Molecular Biology of the Cell - NCBI Bookshelf
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
BPD_LE
The Queen of Meme
- Aug 11, 2019
- 1,576
I am disgusted with my country. How could they do this? 10 years of austerity. An increase in homelessness, cuts to mental health services. Where's their compassion? They should be fucking ashamed. I've been financially raped by the Tories to line their own pockets. My mental health care is a disgrace. I have no money for food. Merry fucking Christmas you greedy, selfish Britons. Shame on all of you.
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
I just had another horrific thought. What if my sister-in-law's granddaughter brings her five-year-old son with her tomorrow to my house?!
They haven't been here in over a year because the last time they were here, he was running around opening drawers, and taking things out, and throwing stuff all over. Then he went into the bathroom and slammed the toilet seat down and broke it off the hinge. Rather than tell me what happened, his mother just set it back on there, so when I went to use it, I picked it up and it came apart. I had to pay to get it replaced and they've never mentioned it or offered me money or anything. I'm going to be very pissed off if he comes with her. I have no patience for little kids. That's why I never had any.
Remember, I didn't invite these people to my house, my sister-in-law took it upon herself to invite them to my house without asking me before hand.
They haven't been here in over a year because the last time they were here, he was running around opening drawers, and taking things out, and throwing stuff all over. Then he went into the bathroom and slammed the toilet seat down and broke it off the hinge. Rather than tell me what happened, his mother just set it back on there, so when I went to use it, I picked it up and it came apart. I had to pay to get it replaced and they've never mentioned it or offered me money or anything. I'm going to be very pissed off if he comes with her. I have no patience for little kids. That's why I never had any.
Remember, I didn't invite these people to my house, my sister-in-law took it upon herself to invite them to my house without asking me before hand.
how I spent 3 years and invested a lot of money coming to canada as a student pursuing a field I thought I liked until university sucked the passion right out to the point that I started despising seeing any kind of programming ,I still pushed through just for the possibility of a job and money to escape my third-world country . only to find out I no longer qualify for a work permit after graduating because I took one semester off because I was getting tired . even though that semester that I took was more than made up for by multiple summers I took but they don't care since they have half-written their laws to only care about the fall/winter. and now I'm in eternal debt and with no access to canada's pay rates . so I'm fucked.
and due to losing all hope I can't even focus on any studies anymore that I ended up failing all my courses this semester so I might just end up going back to my third-world country worst than how I started .
AND now the more I read about suicide methods the more I'm getting enraged about how assholes are trying to stop any access to painless/peaceful suicide just to keep us trapped with them in their idealized view of this corporate hellscape that I don't even think I would have been happy even if I did get a permanent job here in canada , since I got a taste during my internship where I felt my soul getting sucked away for 8 hours everyday in a grey cubicle coding my passion away with people who I can never relate to due to me not growing up with their culture , add to that my social anxiety and I was spending most of my time waiting for each hour to pass by when I finished the coding tasks they deemed trivial enough for an intern . HOLY fuck what even is life , I don't see how any normal person can derive any joy from any of this crap.
and due to losing all hope I can't even focus on any studies anymore that I ended up failing all my courses this semester so I might just end up going back to my third-world country worst than how I started .
AND now the more I read about suicide methods the more I'm getting enraged about how assholes are trying to stop any access to painless/peaceful suicide just to keep us trapped with them in their idealized view of this corporate hellscape that I don't even think I would have been happy even if I did get a permanent job here in canada , since I got a taste during my internship where I felt my soul getting sucked away for 8 hours everyday in a grey cubicle coding my passion away with people who I can never relate to due to me not growing up with their culture , add to that my social anxiety and I was spending most of my time waiting for each hour to pass by when I finished the coding tasks they deemed trivial enough for an intern . HOLY fuck what even is life , I don't see how any normal person can derive any joy from any of this crap.
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
Some of the posts here gave me a good laugh, you guys are awesome! I'm glad this thread is of some help to some of you.
I'm definitely going to need this resource from time to time. I'm going through alot of changes in my life right now. Obviously not all of them are for the best.
I'm definitely going to need this resource from time to time. I'm going through alot of changes in my life right now. Obviously not all of them are for the best.
Flume
Villain
- Oct 28, 2019
- 300
We people are born to connect to others yet only fucking care about nobody but ourselves in the end. That's pretty infuriating.
a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
People in traffic, I'm currently working in transportation. When I'm really shut down not even close accidents can faze me but lately they've been making me mad again.
TheDevilsAngel
LetMeFree
- Apr 22, 2019
- 768
Another stupid long f***ing day... I'm sick of it, I'm sick of myself and my deadbeat ex won't even give money towards our two kids he has basically forgotten them... I hate him for not doing anything for the children.... I wish I could ctb... I'm so angry and frustrated.... No matter what I do there is no peace.... Torment follows me.... I want a companion so bad and I feel I may as well accept I'm left alone and it was out of choice, being alone is better than any abusive relationship!
Peace out!! and
Peace out!!
and
WhyIsLife56
Antinatalism + Efilism ❤️
- Nov 4, 2019
- 1,075
It's really annoying when you think about it.
Everything we do is just to survive.
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
Two unrelated things but both of them are pissing me off today.
First, when I was talking to my niece for the first time in 20 years yesterday, she told me that she got all the paperwork after my sister passed away. Among that paperwork, she found documents that indicated that my sister, who died instantly when her crappy "piece of shit" car was hit by a semi, had both colon and breast cancer at the time of her death and she had refused treatment for both. And, of course, she didn't tell anyone around her that she had either of these illnesses. It came as a complete shock to my niece that her mom had any kind of cancer when she died. But that means she would've died anyway. Why does she get all of that stuff just for herself?! It's like she hit the death lottery or something!
I know colon cancer and breast cancer are not the best ways to die, but if I ever get one of them, I will not be getting treatment. And I can see now that it runs in my family. It just pisses me off that everyone else in my family seems to get some disease or has an accident that they can die from, and I have a feeling most of them secretly wanted to die the way I do, but maybe they either couldn't deal with the idea, or they denied it because a lot of them were religious. Where the hell is my disease or accident?! I want something other than this damn thyroid problem that's could take another 20 years to kill me!!
Secondly, I read some studies today that claim that if you have a low thyroid, you can actually live longer! It has to be a magical area where it's not too low to make you go into a coma, but all the functions of your body slow down enough that your cells are not aging as quickly or working as hard. Your quality-of-life is going to be shit though because you're not going to be able to do anything or function hardly at all. Everything will be slowed down. That's apparently what prolongs your life.
So basically, you get to live longer, but you also don't have a good quality of life. You just basically suffer longer. I think this is what my latest doctor is trying to do to me. He's trying to get my thyroid so that I'm just barely above going into a coma because he's probably read these studies too and thinks it's going to extend my life. Never mind how crappy my quality-of-life is as long as my heart is still beating and my lungs are still working, even if I only just barely. I can spend the rest of my life sitting in a chair and drooling into a cup while I stare at the wall for the next 20 years or something. But at least I'll be"alive"! !
First, when I was talking to my niece for the first time in 20 years yesterday, she told me that she got all the paperwork after my sister passed away. Among that paperwork, she found documents that indicated that my sister, who died instantly when her crappy "piece of shit" car was hit by a semi, had both colon and breast cancer at the time of her death and she had refused treatment for both. And, of course, she didn't tell anyone around her that she had either of these illnesses. It came as a complete shock to my niece that her mom had any kind of cancer when she died. But that means she would've died anyway. Why does she get all of that stuff just for herself?! It's like she hit the death lottery or something!
I know colon cancer and breast cancer are not the best ways to die, but if I ever get one of them, I will not be getting treatment. And I can see now that it runs in my family. It just pisses me off that everyone else in my family seems to get some disease or has an accident that they can die from, and I have a feeling most of them secretly wanted to die the way I do, but maybe they either couldn't deal with the idea, or they denied it because a lot of them were religious. Where the hell is my disease or accident?! I want something other than this damn thyroid problem that's could take another 20 years to kill me!!
Secondly, I read some studies today that claim that if you have a low thyroid, you can actually live longer! It has to be a magical area where it's not too low to make you go into a coma, but all the functions of your body slow down enough that your cells are not aging as quickly or working as hard. Your quality-of-life is going to be shit though because you're not going to be able to do anything or function hardly at all. Everything will be slowed down. That's apparently what prolongs your life.
So basically, you get to live longer, but you also don't have a good quality of life. You just basically suffer longer. I think this is what my latest doctor is trying to do to me. He's trying to get my thyroid so that I'm just barely above going into a coma because he's probably read these studies too and thinks it's going to extend my life. Never mind how crappy my quality-of-life is as long as my heart is still beating and my lungs are still working, even if I only just barely. I can spend the rest of my life sitting in a chair and drooling into a cup while I stare at the wall for the next 20 years or something. But at least I'll be"alive"! !
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
So I've been saving my reply here to bring this thread back! Yes I've had alot of anger building up and yes I've had alot to say. But I'll just give a little taste of it here.
First off, fuck all these Christmas threads. I can't even escape it here what the hell!? I've mentioned this in other threads but this is the worst Holiday season ever for me. It's the first one without my wife, kids, or family, I'm totally alone in 13 plus years.
I guess in some ways I may deserve this, so it's not a pity party here either. I've been making strides in my life to continue this fucked existence and I've made enough progress to still be typing this.
Anyways enough of this shit. A Happy Holidays to the ones who still have a reason to celebrate it!
First off, fuck all these Christmas threads. I can't even escape it here what the hell!? I've mentioned this in other threads but this is the worst Holiday season ever for me. It's the first one without my wife, kids, or family, I'm totally alone in 13 plus years.
I guess in some ways I may deserve this, so it's not a pity party here either. I've been making strides in my life to continue this fucked existence and I've made enough progress to still be typing this.
Anyways enough of this shit. A Happy Holidays to the ones who still have a reason to celebrate it!
I am usually pretty angry, but lately depression is so bad I can barely make myself get out of bed, and have not left house in three days.
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I wrote this in Random thoughts but I'm still fucking pissed so I copied it here too:
I'm pissed off and having a bad day so I'll just say my piece here....so many people make way way too many generalizations about suicidal people. They simply think we are not trying enough, and meds and therapy are answers to all life's problems, and that we just "can't let go of our negative mindset", "we can't let go of the past".... really!? really!??? Until you go thru what I went thru who are you to judge my pain or anyone elses pain! Some of us have no access to help because of a bad financial situation and living somewhere that has astronomical healthcare costs. I can't get disability because of the idiot place I live. Then people say "you could move" Oh it's that easy huh? To just move? With what money!??
Also fuck empty platitudes... People in general, doctors, the government, none care to actually help us they just puff up their own ego with empty words that do nothing. How about actual suicide prevention? IDK maybe give us affordable healthcare, safe affordable housing, a guaranteed job with a livable wage... sure that won't solve everything but it would help tremendously more than slapping people in inhumane mental institution prisons, forced medication and then handing them a huge bill and now there in debt...."gee don't you feel better".......
It's not that we didn't "WANT" to get better is that doctors failed us, people and family failed us, life failed us and we were just dealt a beyond shitty hand in life. We can never know another's suffering, what pushes someone over edge is different for everyone. Sometimes the trauma, the pain, mental issues was just too much...
Believe me I would rather live, recover and be happy...I never asked for this...none of us did.
I'm pissed off and having a bad day so I'll just say my piece here....so many people make way way too many generalizations about suicidal people. They simply think we are not trying enough, and meds and therapy are answers to all life's problems, and that we just "can't let go of our negative mindset", "we can't let go of the past".... really!? really!??? Until you go thru what I went thru who are you to judge my pain or anyone elses pain! Some of us have no access to help because of a bad financial situation and living somewhere that has astronomical healthcare costs. I can't get disability because of the idiot place I live. Then people say "you could move" Oh it's that easy huh? To just move? With what money!??
Also fuck empty platitudes... People in general, doctors, the government, none care to actually help us they just puff up their own ego with empty words that do nothing. How about actual suicide prevention? IDK maybe give us affordable healthcare, safe affordable housing, a guaranteed job with a livable wage... sure that won't solve everything but it would help tremendously more than slapping people in inhumane mental institution prisons, forced medication and then handing them a huge bill and now there in debt...."gee don't you feel better".......
It's not that we didn't "WANT" to get better is that doctors failed us, people and family failed us, life failed us and we were just dealt a beyond shitty hand in life. We can never know another's suffering, what pushes someone over edge is different for everyone. Sometimes the trauma, the pain, mental issues was just too much...
Believe me I would rather live, recover and be happy...I never asked for this...none of us did.
BPD_LE
The Queen of Meme
- Aug 11, 2019
- 1,576
Fuck Fuck Fuck! I'm angry and depressed at the same time. Which basically means shouting obscenities at the phone whilst laying otherwise comatose in bed.
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
I can completely relate, this is one of my favorite hobbies. Especially as of lately.
I had a dream the other night that I had bought Christmas gifts for my family. They were gifts that I knew they'd love. I watched them open the gifts and play with them joyfully.
Then I fucking woke up and everything in me just sank. I can't seem to escape these "nightmares." They're only nightmares because they aren't real. Fuck I miss my family, fuck I hate the Holidays so much now too.
WhyIsLife56
Antinatalism + Efilism ❤️
- Nov 4, 2019
- 1,075
I'm still angry at the fact that I was born
And how do these emojis work? Why are they not showing up?
I need the angry face emoji
I need the angry face emoji
And how do these emojis work? Why are they not showing up?
I need the angry face emoji
I need the angry face emoji
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BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
>sigh<. My sister-in-law can't seem to let me have even one holiday that she doesn't intrude on. I've been enjoying myself all day, but in the last half hour, she's called me twice and left a text message wanting me to go out to dinner with her. I didn't answer her calls which is why she kept calling over and over. Then she eventually texted me. I texted her back and told her I had made my own food and that I just ate (which is true). I also told her I don't want to be around any people right now and I don't want to go to her house. Nor do I want to be around any people on Friday, which is my 16th wedding anniversary, nor do I want to be around people next week for New Year's.
I mean ffs, I went with her to the goddamn coast and got stuck there overnight earlier this month. I went to the doctor against my will just for her and got treated like shit and had my medication lowered to the point where I'm going to be nonfunctional when I actually have to start taking the dose that he lowered it to. Then I went last week with her to the dinner with all of her family. But is that enough? Hell no! She's got to intrude on my Christmas Eve and my Christmas Day as well! The last thing on earth I want to do is spend any time at her house right now listening to her five-year-old grandson run around screaming at the top of his lungs, particularly not tonight on Christmas Eve when he's probably all excited about Santa Claus. I'm sure her husband is probably watching some football game or something that I'm completely not interested in, so I would just be sitting there being bored out of my mind. It's not even like we do anything. We sit there and watch TV! I can do that at my house and be comfortable and watch what I want to watch.
The thing that really irritates me is even though I don't owe her anything and I've already done so many things with her that I didn't want to do this month, but every time I turn her down, I feel guilty. I just wish she'd leave me alone. I know I shouldn't feel guilty because I've done more than enough for her this month, but it just seems to happen.
I swear one of these days I'm going to snap at her and tell her just to get the hell away from me, in those words or worse. I know she's only trying to help and she worries about me and all the rest of that crap, but I wish she would just LEAVE ME ALONE!
Now I'm going to be drinking tonight because I'm upset and pissed off and not because I'm happy. I hate that!
I mean ffs, I went with her to the goddamn coast and got stuck there overnight earlier this month. I went to the doctor against my will just for her and got treated like shit and had my medication lowered to the point where I'm going to be nonfunctional when I actually have to start taking the dose that he lowered it to. Then I went last week with her to the dinner with all of her family. But is that enough? Hell no! She's got to intrude on my Christmas Eve and my Christmas Day as well! The last thing on earth I want to do is spend any time at her house right now listening to her five-year-old grandson run around screaming at the top of his lungs, particularly not tonight on Christmas Eve when he's probably all excited about Santa Claus. I'm sure her husband is probably watching some football game or something that I'm completely not interested in, so I would just be sitting there being bored out of my mind. It's not even like we do anything. We sit there and watch TV! I can do that at my house and be comfortable and watch what I want to watch.
The thing that really irritates me is even though I don't owe her anything and I've already done so many things with her that I didn't want to do this month, but every time I turn her down, I feel guilty. I just wish she'd leave me alone. I know I shouldn't feel guilty because I've done more than enough for her this month, but it just seems to happen.
I swear one of these days I'm going to snap at her and tell her just to get the hell away from me, in those words or worse. I know she's only trying to help and she worries about me and all the rest of that crap, but I wish she would just LEAVE ME ALONE!
Now I'm going to be drinking tonight because I'm upset and pissed off and not because I'm happy. I hate that!
Taki
Specialist
- Jul 30, 2019
- 319
The rage is easier to deal with once you accept that ultimately everything in adulthood is your own damn fault. I don't mean you're to blame for shit treatment from other people or what happened to you in childhood. For myself, I haven't always fucked up, but I have mostly fucked, and also ultimately fucked up. It's my own damn fault that I chose and stayed in shit relationships, a shit environment, and have made myself into someone unsuited to relationships, socializing, and generally being alive. I could have chosen better but never did. I could have killed myself sooner when I first tried to. It's a lot more palatable than fuming at other people.
I know many of you have troubling interactions with others and situations outside your control. Also I'm not blaming anyone for an illness. But in my situation I am the only one at fault for the continuation of this hell and its consequences.
I know many of you have troubling interactions with others and situations outside your control. Also I'm not blaming anyone for an illness. But in my situation I am the only one at fault for the continuation of this hell and its consequences.
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BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
Wow! I posted earlier about how my sister-in-law intruded on my Christmas Eve by continually calling me, and then when I wouldn't answer the phone she finally texted me wanting me to go to dinner. I texted her back and told her I wanted to be left alone. I shut the ringer on my phone off because I didn't want to be bothered, and I just looked at it and I see that her granddaughter called me about an hour ago.
I'm assuming since I told her I didn't want to talk to her, she thought she could use her granddaughter to call me and maybe I would answer the phone. I hate it when people use kids like that. Why would I answer the phone for her 10-year-old granddaughter when I told her that don't want to talk to anyone. This is part of why I want to ctb. I moved here hoping to find some peace, but I'll never get any peace with my sister-in-law around because she won't leave me the hell alone. Even when I tell her I don't want to talk to anyone and I just want to be left alone, she completely ignores it and continues trying to talk to me and wanting to drag me out of the house to go places with her that I don't want to go. She has absolutely no regard for how I feel or what I want! At least part of the reason I'm going to be ctb is to get away from her. It's sad that the only way I can escape her is to end my life. If I'd known she was going to act like this I wouldn't have moved so close to where she lives. I just had no clue she was going to be this way with me.
I'm assuming since I told her I didn't want to talk to her, she thought she could use her granddaughter to call me and maybe I would answer the phone. I hate it when people use kids like that. Why would I answer the phone for her 10-year-old granddaughter when I told her that don't want to talk to anyone. This is part of why I want to ctb. I moved here hoping to find some peace, but I'll never get any peace with my sister-in-law around because she won't leave me the hell alone. Even when I tell her I don't want to talk to anyone and I just want to be left alone, she completely ignores it and continues trying to talk to me and wanting to drag me out of the house to go places with her that I don't want to go. She has absolutely no regard for how I feel or what I want! At least part of the reason I'm going to be ctb is to get away from her. It's sad that the only way I can escape her is to end my life. If I'd known she was going to act like this I wouldn't have moved so close to where she lives. I just had no clue she was going to be this way with me.
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
I'm having a serious lapse and breakdown right now. My entire life has collapsed and I'm expected to just be strong and completely fine with it. My patience is wearing thin especially with the platitudes I receive from family and colleagues.
These Holidays have been extremely rough on me. The first I've ever truly spent alone in my lifetime. I miss my kids so fucking much It's making me angry.
I've kept a straight face and been tough through everything so far. But it's like I'm not allowed to be upset or cry at all over my situation. It boils to a point and it spills over again.
I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I keep trying to course correct, to steer myself in the right direction, but I keep having these break downs in the process. I'm sure it's normal to some extent to feel this way.
Maybe I'll make it out of this. Maybe I won't. To some degree I guess atleast I'm trying. I just fucking hate the situation that life has once again thrown me into. I can never seem to catch a break...
These Holidays have been extremely rough on me. The first I've ever truly spent alone in my lifetime. I miss my kids so fucking much It's making me angry.
I've kept a straight face and been tough through everything so far. But it's like I'm not allowed to be upset or cry at all over my situation. It boils to a point and it spills over again.
I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I keep trying to course correct, to steer myself in the right direction, but I keep having these break downs in the process. I'm sure it's normal to some extent to feel this way.
Maybe I'll make it out of this. Maybe I won't. To some degree I guess atleast I'm trying. I just fucking hate the situation that life has once again thrown me into. I can never seem to catch a break...
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
I think just about every post I made on this thread has been about my sister-in-law. Right now it's nearly 4:30 in the morning and I haven't gotten any sleep at all because I'm dreading being forced to go out to lunch with her tomorrow. I lie down and try to sleep and I just can't. I start thinking about the lunch and I get all hyper and have to get out of bed and start pacing the floor.
It's pretty sad when the only way you can get away from somebody is to ctb.
It's pretty sad when the only way you can get away from somebody is to ctb.
BPD Barbie
Visionary
- Dec 1, 2019
- 2,361
My mental health nurse talking to me today about having safeguarding issues and potential hospital stays that would be against my will. Who decides what I do with my life? I have full capacity. Its my life, my body, my mind. I didn't want to be born, I didn't chose it but becuase they don't want my death on their conscience, they pretend it's for me best interests. It's not. We know it's not. Just let me die for fucks sake. Saying I'm vulnerable and easily influenced, it just sounds so patronising.
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
Here's what really pisses me off. When everyone acts like they have a word to speak. But when the time comes to stand for their values, only a few ever do. The ones who do already know it, because they catch my life. But most of them buckle faster then a cloth rope.
