
its-about-time
nope
- Mar 19, 2022
- 807
I saw an old friend today, she was in town, I asked how her old dog was and she said she had to euthanize him a few months ago, and it was so bittersweet to listen to her talk about it. The dog was in pain, was anxious all the time and unhappy, and she felt relief in putting him down. Happy for him to be out of pain. She had him euthanized at home and described how wonderful it was to get to say goodbye to him and have closure.
All I could think about was how nobody will get any of that for me, or for any of us. People aren't happy we're out of our misery. People refuse the chance to say goodbye and have closure. I'd love to just throw a party where everyone can come hang out and say goodbye but that kind of thing is impossible of course. There's no closure for anyone. Years ago I thought I was about to kill myself and was on the phone with a loved one and she basically hung up on me through tears. It was a terrible time but man did that hurt. She explained later that she didn't want to say goodbye to me. So she panicked and mumbled something and hung up. I guess that's the closest thing to saying goodbye there can be? I dunno. I put her through so much, I hate myself for it. This now dogless friend also had to put down her kid's Guinea pig and said the euthanasia was 42cents on the vet bill, we laughed about it but I had to zip my mouth and not ask specifically what was in the euthanasia, I mean the kid was right there, wouldn't be appropriate.
When she was talking about how good it was to say goodbye to her dog it just made me terribly sad because I know my death will hit her really hard. She's known me since I was 17, she gave me a job and we became great friends, she's helped me through some of my worst crises, it's just going to really punch her in the gut and sometimes that guilt is enough reason to stay alive. I hate even more the conversation she'll have to have with her kids. I dunno. Maybe my suffering isn't more important. I could suffer a lifetime so that a dozen other people won't have to. But well my mind changes all the time.
Anyways another friend's step-dad was taking a raft down a river earlier this month, he was the first in the river this season, and he found a dead body hung up on the rocks between rapids. He hauled it into his boat then over to shore. Turned out the guy went missing in January while fishing. He'd been in the river for months. Hard to imagine what the body looked like, couldn't have been pretty. He said it wasn't so bad but he was also telling the story in front of his 16yo daughter so I think some details were sugar-coated there. The guy didn't commit suicide he probably just fell in the river, he was an older guy. What a strange random thing to experience.
I don't know why I'm sharing any of this, I guess the dog story is more relevant, these are just two things on my mind right now.
All I could think about was how nobody will get any of that for me, or for any of us. People aren't happy we're out of our misery. People refuse the chance to say goodbye and have closure. I'd love to just throw a party where everyone can come hang out and say goodbye but that kind of thing is impossible of course. There's no closure for anyone. Years ago I thought I was about to kill myself and was on the phone with a loved one and she basically hung up on me through tears. It was a terrible time but man did that hurt. She explained later that she didn't want to say goodbye to me. So she panicked and mumbled something and hung up. I guess that's the closest thing to saying goodbye there can be? I dunno. I put her through so much, I hate myself for it. This now dogless friend also had to put down her kid's Guinea pig and said the euthanasia was 42cents on the vet bill, we laughed about it but I had to zip my mouth and not ask specifically what was in the euthanasia, I mean the kid was right there, wouldn't be appropriate.
When she was talking about how good it was to say goodbye to her dog it just made me terribly sad because I know my death will hit her really hard. She's known me since I was 17, she gave me a job and we became great friends, she's helped me through some of my worst crises, it's just going to really punch her in the gut and sometimes that guilt is enough reason to stay alive. I hate even more the conversation she'll have to have with her kids. I dunno. Maybe my suffering isn't more important. I could suffer a lifetime so that a dozen other people won't have to. But well my mind changes all the time.
Anyways another friend's step-dad was taking a raft down a river earlier this month, he was the first in the river this season, and he found a dead body hung up on the rocks between rapids. He hauled it into his boat then over to shore. Turned out the guy went missing in January while fishing. He'd been in the river for months. Hard to imagine what the body looked like, couldn't have been pretty. He said it wasn't so bad but he was also telling the story in front of his 16yo daughter so I think some details were sugar-coated there. The guy didn't commit suicide he probably just fell in the river, he was an older guy. What a strange random thing to experience.
I don't know why I'm sharing any of this, I guess the dog story is more relevant, these are just two things on my mind right now.