Venting Pushed back when moving forward

[wastingpotential]

it feels so exhausting when all you try to do is keep pushing yourself forward to see another day, whether it's because i'm awaiting something or simply just because i want to see another day, something always has to push me back.
back into shutting myself away, dissociating, harming myself, i do everything for everybody, i put people into consideration before myself with every goddamn decision i make yet i get bashed and hurt when all i ever want to do is help out, and even when i stay on the sidelines i'm shoved into some kind of fight.

even when i push myself away from it all, away from anything that can hurt me yet it's like something pulls me back in, like a giant gust of wind. and the outcome is always the same where i end up hurting. it's exhausting. i'm exhausted.

does anyone else go through this or something similar? being considerate and it's not good enough? or when you stay out of something you're still pushed back in and complained about?

 

[Ki_Nam]

I can relate, except for doing everything for everyone part. I don't expect anything in return for being considerate to others. I know things never work out for people like us, and so I have personally accepted that I will be hated no matter who I talk to. So I will take the other path forward, a path towards my own demise. And it's not like I love myself enough to try to look at tomorrow.

 

[just_erika]

Yeah I do the same and it hurts so much. just once I want someone to be considerate of me. put me before someone else. but I feel like I try everythingg to make everyone ahppy and I'm always the alst pick. noone really cares for me or does anything for me unless they're bored
I realize I should put myself first. if none else will peck me I need to pick myself. But honestly don't know how to do that. I don't even know what I fucking want

 

[wastingpotential]

Yeah I do the same and it hurts so much. just once I want someone to be considerate of me. put me before someone else. but I feel like I try everythingg to make everyone ahppy and I'm always the alst pick. noone really cares for me or does anything for me unless they're bored
I realize I should put myself first. if none else will peck me I need to pick myself. But honestly don't know how to do that. I don't even know what I fucking want

i feel you. i can't remember the last time i ever felt like somebody's first choice, it's so much more damaging than people think and it's drained me more and more as days go on.

it's good to hear you're putting yourself first though, despite not knowing what it is you want, it's a step forward no matter whatever path you're going on in this life. hugs!