Venting Psychosis, life's been a lot

[kilowatt]

Recently I've been on a lot of new medicine and it's killing me. It's messing up with my brain so hard but I still crave them unwillingly. For the same reason I've been stealing pills (especially benzos) from anyone I know that owns some. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. I can't lie, the symptoms aren't massive besides tweaking and feeling lightheaded but today I had a really bad episode. I started hallucinating and it was absolutely terrifying. I haven't been so scared in a while. It feels overly real. I don't remember much from my trip except that i started digging at my skin and peeling off fresh scabs hence I woke up with dried blood all across my fingers and nails. I have never experienced it so severely before and especially without proper drugs. The only thing I took a few hours prior was clonazepam mixed with paracetamol because I was having a really bad time. I'm not very educated on drugs but I didn't think it was possible to get this bad with no stimulants or hallucinogens.
My brain is frying and I have nothing and no one to ask for help. I recently broke up with my girlfriend which was my main source of happiness and safety. It doesn't affect me over the top but she was truly the only person I had left. College is also taking a toll on me and I've been so left behind. It feels like I must've done something real bad to deserve this, but I don't know what. I truly wish I could just end it all but at the moment it's not very accessible. I've been taking self harm to a different level and it's the only thing that keeps me going. I almost pity myself. I can't believe I'm 20 and yet haven't got my shit sorted out. What a bummer.