Pretty tired of being alive

[FighterOfTheNightman]

I am 35 and I am just really tired. Tired of the games people play, the hoops one must jump through, yadda ya.

I like a lot of things about life, but I wanna avoid the things I don't very intensely. I had an 11 year relationship blow up in my face. She took too much 4-ACO-DMT and freaked out and ran off in the woods.. she got out of the hospital and came back to me, and we decided to go through with some crazy plan of mine.

We bought a whole bunch of those helium party balloon tanks and I theorized we could just duct tape the cracks inside then open them all up..

I am doubtful it would have worked in retrospect

Since then I had another relationship with another sad depressed woman, but I raised her 2 kids for 2 years and then had to give them up..

Oh, and then my mom died from the fuckin flu at 62 years old. Pretty bullshitty life lately. Really just TIRED of it.. Tired of worrying about the future.. I don't want to get old. I don't want to have my teeth rot out and bones hurt and to feel the way I've felt for years forever. I want off the ride. The ride can be fun sometimes but right now I just kinda want off it.

I am theorizing if I can create a deadly combination that'd be damn near enjoyable..

I am what they'd call a poly-drug abuser, what I'd call a guy having a good time.. lol

Memantine is a substance I can buy in abundance.. in high doses it takes on the characteristics of an NMDA antagonist dissociative anesthetic, ala ketamine or nitrous.

I also have Tianeptine sodium on the way, a fairly strong mu opioid receptor antagonist.. also legal..

Phenibut is also on the way.. GABA receptors. Relaxes you sorta like booze or benzos but not..

I know a ton of substances like this.. I know I could buy some poppy seeds off the internet and have a cup of opium tea.

People OD on opioids all the time..

I was thinking 100mg or so of Memantine
.5grams of Tianeptine
2-3 grams of phenibut
some sort of anti-emetic..

I mean that'd be a really high dose.. if I combined any of that with real morphine I gotta imagine I could die in an accidental OD looking way fairly easily.

I also theorize a method of taking a bunch of these drugs and whatnot, then combining it with the exit bag idea.. but fill the exit bag with nitrous oxide

I have often hit whippets (n20) until I felt like I didn't care if I died or not.. it is a very freeing high.. my ex used to yell at me because my lips were turning blue after so many in a row lol

I imagine death would be a lot more welcome with nitrous.. Some part of me considers combining all these things..

Like, hang myself with a ratchet strap standing up so if I fell it'd tighten.. then have all these drugs.. then start breathing nitrous into the exit bag

Nitrous I wonder if it'd work to substitute for nitrogen gas, like if it keeps from having the suffocation response. I think it would based on experience.. it is almost too comfortably euphoric to breathe that shit..

I know nitrous oxide is exhaled pretty much unchanged.. so theoretically if you pushed all the air out of a bag with a drawstring, put it over your head, then inhaled a lungful of nitrous, exhaled it in the balloon, repeat, fill the balloon up with nitrous oxide, then slip it down and pass out into euphoria town.

A doctor told me once I was on the cutting edge of getting it wrong. lol

 

[pleasethistime]

 

[Uso]

Hey, welcome to SS Fighter! Hope you enjoy it here.

Sounds like a pretty wild way to go out, but I'm not sure if it'd all actually work? I have heard that opioid overdoses are way more painful than they seem, but who knows if that even matters if you're fucked up on 3684475 other substances.

I'd check out the cocktail threads if I were you. There's a wealth of information from people who know way more than me. Do your research and everything should work out in the end!

 

[Ch92921]

I hate this life so much.

 

[calendulo]

Anything finished in ine that was legal do not kill you. At least, from 100 gr. up.One good new.