Preparing the kids

[Starryeyes]

i have grappled with this question myself. My children are grown but I have grandchildren and my oldest granddaughter's other grandfather CTB do I worry about her. have to agree with most of the comments and urge you to get help for the sake of your children. If I don't CTB myself, this will be why.

It's like being a mum excludes you from having suicidal thoughts. It can affect anybody. Like anyone. How would you feel if you got banned from here? I know I'd be pissed

 

[Julgran]

you know what. Fucking ban me then. See how it goes when Iv got now where to go to vent this shit and keep me going another day. But whilst we are at banning people in need of this website, ban you too. Because you don't need this site right?

You are always welcome here to vent your frustrations or to ask for advice. Also, no one here will stop you from ending your life, but it's hard for someone who's not in your situation to accept that you have placed someone or something - a child or a pet - under your care, and then will choose to end your life - it just goes against our own feelings or core beliefs.

 

[Starryeyes]

You are always welcome here to vent your frustrations or to ask for advice. Also, no one here will stop you from ending your life, but it's hard for someone who's not in your situation to accept that you have placed someone or something - a child or a pet - under your care, and then will choose to end your life - it just goes against our own feelings or core beliefs.

Do you not think it also goes against my feelings? I had kids then got depressed. I'm suicidal. Same as you. The difference being there's a ton of extra pressure on my head that you won't be able to understand. I feel like a piece of shit enough without reading that I should be banned from the very site that's keeping my head above water. My needs are equal to yours.

 

[Julgran]

Do you not think it also goes against my feelings? I had kids then got depressed. I'm suicidal. Same as you. The difference being there's a ton of extra pressure on my head that you won't be able to understand. I feel like a piece of shit enough without reading that I should be banned from the very site that's keeping my head above water. My needs are equal to yours.

I understand you - not what goes on in your head, but that it's extremely distressing for you

 

[Starryeyes]

I understand you - not what goes on in your head, but that it's extremely distressing for you

Is that the correct emoji here?

 

[cambrai33]

you know what. Fucking ban me then. See how it goes when Iv got now where to go to vent this shit and keep me going another day. But whilst we are at banning people in need of this website, ban you too. Because you don't need this site right?

I hope you stay, what you said earlier was heartfelt and right.

 

[Julgran]

Is that the correct emoji here?

I meant no harm with that emoji - I was just trying to convey that I'm trying to understand you, and I also don't think that you should be banned.

 

[Noctis]

I'm not looking for support or encouragement. I'm not looking for validation or listing reasons to ctb. simply asking if anyone has attempted to make some physical, comfort token to leave behind for their family.
so much fing judgment here.

OP, we are not trying to be judgemental. We, all of us, understand your pain and what you're going through; we've all been through it to various degrees.

What we're doing is pleading with you, we're begging you, to reconsider. We all know this is your decision, and we will respect whatever decision you make. None of us are calling CPS, no one is calling the cops on you, and no one is mentioning the suicide hotline. We all recognize you're in control and we are not trying to take that agency away from you.

But many of us know the scars and pain that will follow your children for the rest of their lives. We're begging you to not do to your kids what was done to us.

I understand being depressed. I understand wanting a way out. I understand being in constant agony every second of every day. And I am truly sorry that life has dealt you this shitty hand; I would do anything to take your pain away. But your mind is telling you that your kids will be better off without you, and I don't agree with that. Your. Children. Need. You. Please don't assume this will improve their lives.

It sucks that mothers don't get the support they need. It's not fair that so much is expected of you after you've already given so much. It's bullshit that you can't ignore everything and just care for yourself; we understand. And if you want to scream at the void and vent and yell everyone how unhappy you are, we will attentively listen and give our condolences. But regardless of all the pro-life hate I'll get, I really, honestly, and truly hope you can find a way to be happy AND be in your children's lives.

 

[Starryeyes]

OP, we are not trying to be judgemental. We, all of us, understand your pain and what you're going through; we've all been through it to various degrees.

What we're doing is pleading with you, we're begging you, to reconsider. We all know this is your decision, and we will respect whatever decision you make. None of us are calling CPS, no one is calling the cops on you, and no one is mentioning the suicide hotline. We all recognize you're in control and we are not trying to take that agency away from you.

But many of us know the scars and pain that will follow your children for the rest of their lives. We're begging you to not do to your kids what was done to us.

I understand being depressed. I understand wanting a way out. I understand being in constant agony every second of every day. And I am truly sorry that life has dealt you this shitty hand; I would do anything to take your pain away. But your mind is telling you that your kids will be better off without you, and I don't agree with that. Your. Children. Need. You. Please don't assume this will improve their lives.

It sucks that mothers don't get the support they need. It's not fair that so much is expected of you after you've already given so much. It's bullshit that you can't ignore everything and just care for yourself; we understand. And if you want to scream at the void and vent and yell everyone how unhappy you are, we will attentively listen and give our condolences. But regardless of all the pro-life hate I'll get, I really, honestly, and truly hope you can find a way to be happy AND be in your children's lives.

This is exactly the type of post is parents NEED to read. Thank you

I meant no harm with that emoji - I was just trying to convey that I'm trying to understand you, and I also don't think that you should be banned.

Thank you

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine that must be a difficult situation to be in, and I know it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. Whatever happens, I wish you the best. I hope you do what is best for yourself.

 

[rationalis]

Being a mother is hard. Being a dad is hard. The world is cruel. People should know these facts before choosing to have kids. Spread the message far and wide.

 

[GreenTree]

The idiots on this forum don't realise when we decided too have kids we didn't have our crystal balls out and could see we would get unwell in the future. As if we don't feel enough pain people say you shouldn't have had kids. Fuck off.

 

[Julgran]

The idiots on this forum don't realise when we decided too have kids we didn't have our crystal balls out and could see we would get unwell in the future. As if we don't feel enough pain people say you shouldn't have had kids. Fuck off.

We do understand your suffering, but your situation could also be seen like this:

1. You decide to end your life = you cease to suffer, but your child will suffer. Therefore, you just transferred your suffering to your child, so you didn't merely cease to suffer, as the rest of us who don't have a family, will. It's +1 to the suffering in this world.

2. You decide to continue living = your child will be grateful for having you around, and your love for each other provdes +2 to the world.

 

[GreenTree]

You might understand julgran but most people don't on this thread. I'm convinced my daughters life would be better with me gone. She's in her 20s. I don't want her looking after me in the future. I'm at my mums now. God forbid my mum passed away my daughter would feel inclined to look after me and I don't want that. Fucking predictive text pissing me off on here.

 

[dustbiter]

You might understand julgran but most people don't on this thread. I'm convinced my daughters life would be better with me gone. She's in her 20s. I don't want her looking after me in the future. I'm at my mums now. God forbid my mum passed away my daughter would feel inclined to look after me and I don't want that. Fucking predictive text pissing me off on here.

having a child in their 20s who is an adult is a little different than having children who are toddlers incapable of caring for themselves or coping. i think most people on here would have an easier time understanding someone in your position

edit to say that both situations deserve to be understood as nonjudgmentally as possible, just that one is easier than the other for most in this situation

 

[GreenTree]

having a child in their 20s who is an adult is a little different than having children who are toddlers incapable of caring for themselves or coping. i think most people on here would have an easier time understanding someone in your position

edit to say that both situations deserve to be understood as nonjudgmentally as possible, just that one is easier than the other for most in this situation

We just want to do what's best for our kids as we love them so much. I hate this world. Why do we all have too suffer so unbearably. Its terrible whatever our kids age. It's a fucking awful predicament to be in.

 

[Bleak]

Give them up for adoption or work with a trusted family member to give them guardianship.

Some of the "advice" on here is nuts. Take it from someone with experience. Children growing up with a suicidal parent is not what's best for them. You waiting until their older to ctb is not what's best for them.

How do you know just from the 3 short posts that she's made that she will be suicidal for many years and a bad parent? In a case like this it is better to err on the side of not urging someone to take the irrevocable option.

 

[downndone]

It's like being a mum excludes you from having suicidal thoughts. It can affect anybody. Like anyone. How would you feel if you got banned from here? I know I'd be pissed

I'm not trying to invalidate your thoughts or your situation. I'm trying to be supportive, although it appears that I wasn't very successful.

i'm here because I have suicidal thoughts so I understand. You, me, all of us, can ask for help if we so choose. Some will. Some won't. Some will CTB. Some won't.

 

[Starryeyes]

I'm not trying to invalidate your thoughts or your situation. I'm trying to be supportive, although it appears that I wasn't very successful.

i'm here because I have suicidal thoughts so I understand. You, me, all of us, can ask for help if we so choose. Some will. Some won't. Some will CTB. Some won't.

Sorry I'm rubbish at this talking thing. What I mean was it seems that people think having kids excludes you from being suicidal, when it definitely can affect anyone. And how would you feel being banned from this site just because you have children? I'm sure it would affect your mental well being , as if you were like me, this is my safe place, when I'm feeling very low and want to just sleep forever. Sorry I confused you

 

[Bleak]

Sorry I'm rubbish at this talking thing. What I mean was it seems that people think having kids excludes you from being suicidal, when it definitely can affect anyone. And how would you feel being banned from this site just because you have children? I'm sure it would affect your mental well being , as if you were like me, this is my safe place, when I'm feeling very low and want to just sleep forever. Sorry I confused you

Only one person made the comment that they thought parents should be banned, I don't think many would agree with that.

 

[Starryeyes]

Only one person made the comment that they thought parents should be banned, I don't think many would agree with that.

One is enough when you already feel like shit for it. Can't begin to explain what it feels like to have your 17 year old stand in front of you and look him in the eye knowing my brain is telling me he would be better off without me. I know he wouldn't be, but that voice gets so strong sometimes it's hard to ignore. Depression sucks the life out of you it really does

 

[Bleak]

One is enough when you already feel like shit for it. Can't begin to explain what it feels like to have your 17 year old stand in front of you and look him in the eye knowing my brain is telling me he would be better off without me. I know he wouldn't be, but that voice gets so strong sometimes it's hard to ignore. Depression sucks the life out of you it really does

I'm sorry, I can't imagine how hard that would be.